The sound of a voice murmuring on the other side of the curtains was all I could hear, as well as my own heartbeat. I had to use the restroom, just like any other time you get so nervous, you feel as though you are about to explode. Waiting behind those curtains seemed to last an eternity. I was never a good public speaker, and I never will be. The uncertainty if everything would go smoothly, or my voice would crack or I might even completely blank out and look like a complete fool in front of my whole class made me rethink the decisions I have made in the past. My nerves seemed to be getting the best of me but by that time I wasn’t able to turn away and run. I heard my name on the speakers and the curtains opened. I walked forward, not knowing what to do. The principal handed me the microphone and I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wondered if this was about to be another indicator of how my high school years would go. I didn’t know then, but I sure know now.
“Jeremy, get up. It’s your first day of school. You got to get up and get ready.”
That was the beginning of the worst years of my life. The first day of school at Flowing Wells Junior High was a day that I would never forget. I got out of bed slowly and walked to the bathroom. After my shower, I tried to do my hair, which was a complete waste of time. I can remember my clothing; my parents got me a brand new Aeropostale T-shirt, which I rocked with some cool-at-the-time jean shorts. As I was about to leave my house, my hands got ice cold and my legs were like Jell-O. To be honest, I was extremely nervous about leaving the comfort of my elementary school where I had been attending for seven years. I was at ease attending Hendricks Elementary School, where I had good grades, was a part of many sports, and had lots of friends. I wasn’t sure how I would fit in with all the crowds and cliques in junior high. All that I knew was that all I could do was just be myself and see where things would take me.
Walking to my bus stop, I wondered how things would change these next two years. Which one of my friends would go down the wrong path? Would I go down the wrong path? As the bus arrived I started to get very nervous. Would anyone even let me sit by them? Luckily, I was one of the first pickup spots for my bus, so I got a plenty of empty bus seats to choose from. As I found an empty seat on the bus I started to think some more. Reality started to set in and I realized the uncertainty and all my insecurities were about to be extremely vulnerable. Doing the math, I counted about seventy kids from my school, with six other elementary schools, that’s about 420 new students that I have never met. This isn’t even including the 8th graders in the junior high. With all these new numbers, I just wanted to get out of this bus and go back home. I wondered how many of these kids would be friendly and would be a positive influence on my life. I hoped I could make at least a few new close friends, so we could hang out and I would feel a part of something, not completely alone in a new place.

As the bus unloaded kids at the junior high, I slowly stepped off and observed my surroundings. The campus was very frightening. The outdoor buildings were very different from the indoor Hendricks Elementary. It was different walking around these pods trying to find your class. As I was trying to find my class, I couldn’t help but notice all the weird clothing people were wearing. The black overcoats, chains, and crazy spiked hair that were crying for attention were everywhere. The large groups of eighth graders were huddled around what I later found out was called the eighth grade tree, giving me strange looks. The eighth grade tree got its name because all the “cool” eighth graders hung out there in the mornings, during passing periods, lunch, and after school. Only a select few of the lucky seventh graders were able to hang out there without being ridiculed. I had a hard time figuring out why I was getting a ton of these dirty looks. I did not know then, but I sure do know now.
This day was a sign for what was to come. I finally found my class, and I got there super early. All the kids would show up later asking me… “Are you a nerd or something? Why are you here already?” Sadly, that reputation stuck with me for quite some time. I finally realized how big of a target I had on my back for mean comments and insults. My hair looked as though I placed a round bowl on the top of my head and cut around it with scissors in a perfectly straight line. I was shorter than most people, by at least 3 or 4 inches. I had always been the shortest kid in my class up to that point. Nicknames were always thrown at me, such as shorty, shrimp, tiny, etc. I had braces on my teeth as well, which did not help my situation at all. Soon the insults would catch up to me, and they took their toll. Would these jokes ever get old?
I woke up every morning, dreading the thought of trying to survive another day on the frontlines. Finally, the day came when I could try out for basketball, which at the time had been practically what my life revolved around. I believed basketball was going to get me somewhere in life. HA! During the tryouts, all the coaches overlooked me. I probably would too. Who would think the little short white guy with the bowl cut was any good in sports? Not them obviously. Every drill we had, I was put in the back of the line, and we always ran out of time before it was my turn to prove the coaches wrong. Finally, after three days of tough tryouts, the announcements of who made the 7th grade team were posted in the locker room. I scanned from top and slowly went lower and lower. No Jeremy.
This was just another thing to add to my list of negative experiences in junior high. I was sick of bad things happening. Many weeks passed, and things weren’t getting better. The same old crappy news, bad experiences, and negative attitudes consumed my life. Just as things looked like it would stay that way forever, I finally got some long awaited good news. One day while I was on the computer, I received an IM from a person I hardly ever talked to. I knew something was up. She gave me hints that one of her friends liked me. I was thinking, actually hoping it was the one that I thought was cute. The hints kept coming at me, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on who it was. Who could it be?
I had no idea who it was, until the last two hints. Blonde hair and blue eyes. I remember my heart racing, almost pounding out of my chest and I could barely hold back my smile. I first started talking to her with the aid of my sister, who was always helping me with clever ways to reply to her over the computer because it was spring break and we couldn’t see each other in person. When I was invited to a to a pool party, I froze. She was there and I had no idea what to say. The very shy guy with the bowl cut kicked in. My tongue seemed twisted. I could only think of one thing to say. “Hi.” That’s where it all started. From then on, we were together. My shyness and her outgoing popularity seemed to complement each other. She was the best thing that happened to me in junior high. I saw her everyday at school and we held hands everywhere we went. I still remember how her perfume she wore always made me smile because it reminded me of her. Everything about her was amazing. It was very easy to get lost in her ocean blue eyes. It was almost like a spell, where her beauty and personality complete took over. My mind went blank when we were together. I was so nervous to kiss her because I wanted it to be just right, like the one you see in movies. As my first actual girlfriend, I thought she was perfect. I convinced myself we would be together for a while. Typical junior high mindset, right?
That perfect kiss never happened. One day out of nowhere, she pulled me aside.
“Can I talk to you?” She said.
I replied, “Why yes. You look really pretty today by the way. I love your hair.”
“Thanks… Well, I’ve been thinking, and I don’t think we should date anymore. I think it would be better if we were just friends.”
I was shaking and caught off guard. “Well… I guess if you feel that way, I won’t argue with you.” I walked away not knowing what to do. I was crushed since she was the only good thing that has happened to me in a while. My whole day, actually week, nope, year was ruined. I let that girl get inside my head, and there she stayed. About three days later, she stared dating another guy. I never felt so worthless in my life. What did that whole relationship mean to her? Nothing.
I decided to make an attempt to change my life around one day. No longer would I let these mean kids put me down in order to put themselves higher. I would not give them the satisfaction of ruining my day. From this moment on, I wanted to help improve the school, so that kids like myself did not have to suffer through the experiences of my time at the junior high. To do this, I decided to run for student council. Maybe there I could help kids feel more a part of the school, a feeling that I wanted so badly. That’s a feeling everyone wants, just to be accepted amongst all their peers. After countless posters, campaigning, and a couple speeches, I ended up winning. In eighth grade, I was elected freshman executive officer.
My freshman year started off great. My sister was a senior, so from the beginning, I had a little bit of support no matter what. I also loved how everyone in high school minded their own business for the most part. All the kids didn’t go out of their way to tease me or anybody else that I saw. As time went by, I was informed that the freshman in student council, myself included, had to speak in front of the whole class about what is expected of us throughout the four years of high school. In the auditorium, about 500 students gathered. I stepped on stage, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. I saw in the darkness all the countless obstacles I had to overcome to be the person that I am today. The changes I wanted to make had to start with me. My favorite quote was repeating itself over and over in my head.



“If you can see yourself differently in the world
You can affect the world around you
If not the world itself.” Thomas DeLonge
Those are the exact words I live by. Improve yourself to help others. If I could go back in time I would everything exactly the same. On the battlefield, many of my friends were lost, but even more allies were gained. I lost countless battles, but I’m confident I won the war.
I opened my eyes, and right then I knew that this was going to be the first step in changing things around in my life. This was the start of something great, something I will never forget. I didn’t know how the 500 kids would respond to me speaking in front of them. Would they yell mean things to me while I’m trying to speak? Or would they be kind and cheer me on if they see that I’m very nervous and uncomfortable talking in front of big groups of people? I didn’t know then, but I sure know now…