November 10, 2007
By Anonymous

“I’m so sick of this” I said. “well fine then first thing tomorrow I’m out of here and out of your life! My grandma cried. “Maybe we’d better off then!” I cruelly shouted back. She went crying back to her room and then I suddenly felt bad. My grandma is the most important person in the world and she was always complaining about how my dad (her son in law) treats her and how no one cares for her in my house. today I had kissed this guy at school and I told her and she told my dad. Then, I got grounded for a month. I hate every time she does that. I think I can trust her and then she tells some of the things I tell her. She went to her room and started crying and when I walked in and she simply said that she knew this was going to happen all along and that I never loved her. I wanted to tell her that wasn’t true but for some reason I could never get myself to apologized to anyone or show deep emotion so I simply walked away and went to sleep. The next morning she called my uncle and packed her clothes. She went to live with my uncle and said that she was never coming back to my house not even to visit. I felt bad and I knew that all I said to her wasn’t true but I couldn’t get myself to open my mouth. I watched her go. Later on that after noon my uncle called. He said that my grandma was very ill and that they were on their way to the hospital. Suddenly and arrow was shot through my heart. I felt sick and stupid. Worst of all, I felt like it was all my fault. My mom drove to the hospital with me in the passenger seat. When I got there my grandma was in a room and we all went in. I thought she looked pretty good so I just said hi and gave her a kiss, I didn’t dare apologize. Minutes later the nurse came back and said that she a tumor in her lungs and she needed risky surgery. After about 2 hours of preparation they took my grandma away and started the surgery. Then, three hours later, the doctors return with bad news. Something in the surgery went wrong and my grandma unfortunately, died. I sat there crying and crying with my mom and uncle. Later on we got home and called my other uncle and my cousins to let them know. I locked myself in my room and refused to talk to anyone. I thought about how everything was my fault and how stupid I had been for not apologizing when I had the chance. I felt terrible for never having the courage to let her know how much I loved her and I felt retarded for never showing that she was the most important person in life for me. The only one I could talk to about anything and the only one that understood me. Then later on I could only think of how it was all my fault for screaming at her and blaming everything on her. I made her feel bad and I wish I could change the last words I said to her. I focused my energy on looking at her pictures and on reading the bible like she wanted me to. That night I didn’t fall asleep and when I was too worn out to cry any longer I sat on my bed staring into space. Later that week I went back to school. I didn’t talk to any of my friends and I didn’t answer the teacher’s questions. Then at the end of the day, in the bus, A friend of mine told me about white magic and black magic. I had heard of it before and I had a couple of research papers in my computer about it, but I never tried it. I always believed that black magic was bad just like my grandma said but then again it was the only way to bring her back. I told the kid that I was in no condition of trying it out but that was a lie. I went home and started getting out some spells. I found one that I like. I had to go to a cemetery and chant some words to talk to a spirit. I had to reword the spell a bit but it was certain to work. On Friday we all went to the cemetery to bury my grandma and after the small gathering I moved yards away, where I was no longer visible. I quickly chanted: Earth, bone, And winding sheet, let my grandma come to me. Nothing happened. Then, I heard a little whisper but again nothing happened. My mom hurried toward me and said that she was looking all over for me. I hugged her and then we went home. I was so disappointed that It hadn’t work that once again I locked myself in my room and refused to attend school. After a week, nothing had changed and I barely ate. One night I was having this dream about an angel flying down from heaven and touching me. It said that I shouldn’t be beating myself up and that soon something life changing was going to happen. I woke up and sat there thinking. Then, after hours of reading the bible I realized that my grandma died because it was her time and it wasn’t my fault. She had died because of a tumor and not because of me. I still felt bad that I had screamed at her and that I didn’t say bye but then she always knew that everyone loves in a different way and she always knew that I loved her no matter what I said. Most importantly, I realized that you never know what you have until you lose it. I’ve learned that what matters to me the most is my family and I’d do anything to bring my grandma back. To me, my grandma will always be, an angel sent from heaven.

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