There’s gonna be a party in two weeks! We’re getting a DJ and renting a cool space with a huge dance floor. Do you want to come?!

Pause. What’s going through your mind? Are you ready to party? Do you instantly respond “yes” and start planning your outfit? Here’s what I think: I kind of want to go because of FOMO (fear of missing out) and perhaps it will be fun. But I would be betraying my important plans for that evening. What were they again? Oh yeah, go for a run, do homework, read, watch TV and best of all: go to bed early!

If you are shocked that I would consider foregoing the party to stay home alone, you’re probably an extrovert. However, if the torture of a huge party sounds familiar, you're probably an introvert. This is obviously an unscientific method for deciding where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum, but it gives a general idea of what the categories imply.

In Quiet: the Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, Susan Cain uses personal anecdotes, scientific evidence and history to explain introversion. She explains, introverts are “people who prefer quieter, more minimally stimulating environments.” (Although it can sometimes be hard to make the distinction, this is actually not interchangeable with being shy. Cain defines shyness as the “fear of negative [social] judgment,” although I don't always find that definition accurate, as a shy person myself. But that’s an essay for a different time).

Mistakingly, the word “introvert” also connotes one who is asocial, withdrawn, or even unfriendly. While introverts like time alone, they are not asocial. I have a fine time going to the city with ten friends. However, when some people leave, and only three or four of us remain, I feel more comfortable speaking and subsequently have a better time. Then at some point, even though I have fun, I want to be alone at home.

Cain also discusses “the Extrovert Ideal,” the idea that society favors people who can speak charismatically, assertively and spontaneously with conviction. She explains why encouraging up to half the population to step away from their inherently quiet and thoughtful selves is stifling.

Many view extroverts as natural leaders. People subconsciously, but incorrectly, assume a more charismatic person is the better suited to lead. Think about our recent presidents: Bill Clinton, George Bush and Barack Obama epitomize charisma. Hillary Clinton? She has more experience than any other presidential candidate. However, she defines herself as “extro-introverted.” People question her because of her corollary lack of charisma.

As an introvert, people also question my leadership. In school at Barn Club (random and irrelevant fake name), I listen to other opinions without commenting much. I often think of a response a few hours after a meeting.
One time Carol (another member of Barn Club) argued she was more fit to become president of the Club: “at least I actually talk in Barn Club.” I did not know how to respond. I mumbled “that was unnecessary” and walked away. The conversation replayed in my mind. Why did her words bother me so much? It is true, I don't talk much in the meetings, so shouldn't she be allowed to say that? A few days later I realized she was not making an observation; she was criticizing my quietness. But how/why should I speak when I have nothing substantive to say? I still listen, think and remain an active member of the conversation without being the loudest voice.
While it is true introverts have shortcomings as leaders, they also have much to offer. For example, introverts tend to be more effective leaders than extroverts when constituents are active and engaged participants. They plan better and create space for individuals to voice ideas within a group. Because introverts enjoy time alone, they are often successful in school and have time to think through creative ideas.

Let’s expand the opportunities for leadership to include introverts. What are some simple steps? Wait an extra thirty seconds after asking a thought-provoking question. Allow people to think alone prior to engaging in group work. We also must remain aware of society’s preferences for extroverts. Leadership is expressed in different ways by different people. Valuing quiet leaders helps society cultivate a wider range of skills. But introverts also must play a role in this transformation. It’s up to us not to abandon our quiet selves, but also to push ourselves out of our comfort zones and speak up. Introverts are thoughtful, careful and creative thinkers. Quietness is also a form of active engagement. If a conversation consisted only of talking, all voices would be drowned out by indistinguishable noise.