At my school, much like other schools, football is a substantial focus. Many have gone through the program, with seemingly little to offer as criticism. Whenever I’ve talked to alumni players about their experience with football, I hear nothing but reminiscence of good times. This is seemingly the case for my teammates as well, who look past all of their discrepancies with the sport in pursuit of short-lived glory on the field. However, I choose to prioritize my mental health over a high school sport.

Coaching was an immense part of my negative experience with football. Having played many other sports, I’ve come to know what types of coaching I respond well to. The style of coaching on my football team was not favorable to me. The whole football system at my school is based on unity and respect, both of which are stressed exponentially by coaches. The junior varsity team, which I played on, always put the field markers away after practice out of respect for the varsity team. The coaches established respect by taking on personas of tough, powerful people. These personas instill a sense of fear into the players, which makes them hesitant to express their dislikes. I, like most others, was scared of opening up to my coach. After practicing for about seven months, I decided the environment was not healthy for me and that my priorities changed. I wanted to quit the team. Upon telling the head coach, I was told that if I quit, I wouldn’t be able to play another sport for the rest of the year. I did my own research, checking the rules in the athletic contract. I couldn’t find anything that stated I couldn’t play another sport during that entire scholastic year, just that I couldn’t play another sport within the same season. I wanted to find out if what my coach said was true, so I brought it up to the principal. I was not given a real answer, just encouraged to stick it out and finish the season. 

Since I wanted to play other sports during the year, I did what I was told and kept playing. After talking to my coach and administration, who made it seem like I had no other option than to continue devoting 15+ hours a week to a sport I no longer had interest in, I felt very discouraged. This manipulation impacted more aspects of my life than just football. Feeling forced to play, I had less time to pursue what I found interesting and useful. I dreaded afternoon practices and my overall mood throughout the day was not very cheery.

Communication between coaches and players was not effective, making life difficult for players and coaches alike. Many decisions were made last minute causing minor, yet bothersome circumstances. Equipment used at practice varied from day to day. We were made aware of what equipment to bring to practice the night before, so if you missed the notification from the team app, you ended up lugging around things at school unnecessary for practice that day. In addition to last minute communication, sometimes no communication was made at all. Nearing the end of the season, practices sometimes ended earlier, but nobody knew prior. This caused issues for those who needed a ride home. These issues were especially apparent for the junior varsity team who was too young to drive. This placed stress on parents and players to find a way to get home. Once again, no player felt comfortable stepping up and expressing their concerns. My father, a parent as well as a coach, was not much a fan of the team’s communication as well. Like many other former and current football players, he questioned, but didn’t step out and challenge the system.

The environment created by the players and coaches is one I would have cared less to be around. The surplus of obnoxious and rowdy teammates makes for tiring conversation. I stuck close to my one close friend on the team, trying to make the best of my situation. The team was a group of boys who had played football most of their lives, led by coaches who have done the same. It is quite surprising to me how so many have stuck with it so long, enduring many things most deem undesirable.

Playing football has been a part of my life since I was in third grade. Before then, I was a waterboy for my brother’s team when he played. Upon informing my family that I no longer wanted to play the sport, I was met with confusion. I have had fun playing all this time, yet I suddenly lost interest completely. Did I only now come to realize the parts of it I despised outweighed the benefits of it? Did I get lazy? Why would I throw all the work I’ve done away? I pondered questions such as these for a long time before finally speaking to my family about my thoughts. The biggest reason I didn’t fight what my coaches and administration told me to do was because of my family. My grandpa and grandma both wanted to watch me play again, as well as my parents. My father grew up playing football and continued to play in college. He loved the sport so much that he sacrificed much time coaching my brother and I. When I made my parents aware that I no longer wanted to play, they were very supportive. My dad was shocked and tried to help me see the good parts of it, but overall was very understanding as a parent. My mom supported me the most out of anyone through the whole season. She was on my side fully, and went out of her way to assist me in any way possible. I am very thankful for being able to communicate with my family about situations such as these.

All these emotions and thoughts remained to myself for many months, as I felt forced to continue playing. I was challenged as a person countless times throughout that season of football. It was a test of patience, integrity, and perseverance. It can be seen that my character has developed. However, I would not wish this forced self-growth on anyone. Looking back at it, it took too long for me to find a healthy outlet for my feelings. This sport took an extensive toll on my metal health, which is improving as I move on to the next season of sports. I encourage others to put their mental health first and change what they feel is impacting it negatively. After being put through all that I was with football, I have come to learn what is healthy for my mental state and what I can do to avoid situations that jeopardize my mental health.