Bullying! Bullying is a hard subject to write about. Not because of the topic itself, but the emotion that goes behind it. There are so many emotions evolved in this specific topic that it can bring back those memories that we have tucked away and never wanted to look back on. Everyone has seen bullying first hand. There’s the bully, the bullied, and the bystander. I am victim of bullying first hand; I have also been the bully, and the bystander.
My story starts out in kindergarten, the happy beginning of people’s childhood. That was the beginning of the worst for me. I was a young boy, younger than the rest by a year. I was extremely hyper, and an ornery little guy. But I was the weird one. In kindergarten it can even start there. I was teased, made fun of. It wasn’t good. I wanted attention that’s how I was so the way I got people’s attention was well by annoying them. I didn’t have many social skills I was new at this. Like everyone else.
Time moved and I had hoped it stopped, or people forgot. It didn’t work that way. I had no friends, I was alone. The playground which was everyone’s favorite time of the day was the worst time of the day for me. Most of the time I would sit and watch everyone else has fun, because when I wanted to play with them they would kick me out or just ignore me. The rest of the time I would just play four-square because well the jerks weren’t there. But even there they teased me but not as much as the rest.
Its soon discovered that I have Attention Deficit Hyper-active Disorder (ADHD). That explains me being so hyper, going over bored, and never paying attention in class. It was found in second grade. Now you probably won’t believe this but even my teacher at the time bullied me. She was going through a divorce at the time, and she took it out on me. I was the “problem child” of the class, the interruption. She even wanted to hold me back because she didn’t think I was smart enough to move on to the next grade. My parents had me tested; I was more than capable to move on, maybe even skipping a grade who knows. With the test they did I could of.
Now I’m not one to talk about my feelings with my parents, or anyone really. Even to this day I don’t talk about how I feel to anyone. So I kept things inside. To show what happens when you keep things inside is simple. Think of balloon you blow it once it get bigger. You blow it several times its giant. You blow it to many times… POP!!! It’s like and eruption out of me. I couldn’t stop once it started. This is where I became the bully. Not to other people, but to my family. I yelled screamed at them called them names. I took out all the anger that I had kept inside of me and took it out on my family. The ones who loved me, cared for me, and wanted to be there for me. I had no control once my anger broke through me.
It had got so bad my parents worried about me. It was the first time I had ever been to a therapist. Fifth grade. A little early don’t you think? It led on into the sixth grade. She had talked to me forever. At first it was scary, having to talk to some random stranger that I have never met before. But she taught me thing, how to become more sociable with people, how to get a grip of my anger, and how to be me. I stopped seeing her in sixth grade. But things still got worse. I loved to dance. Dancing it was in a way an escape from things. Somehow I have no idea how but people found out that I danced. They were so mean nasty, they called me gay, fag boy, and things much worse. It happened again when they found out I did gymnastics as well. It was not a good time for me. I quit those things to get people off my back. The bulling subsided after I quit. But I let win over me. If I could go back in time I would have never quit. I miss those things but I missed the opportunity to do them again.
The bulling never stopped, I never did tell my parents some of the things that have happened to me. I have been humiliated in a gym room by having my pants pulled down exposing my private parts. I have been beaten up on a couple of occasions. I never told them they still don’t know. It worse because my mother taught at the same school and they thought I had gotten special privileges over other students. It wasn’t true I didn’t have her until my life was threatened by another student on the same side I was on. I still had no friends at all. It got so bad I changed to a different school.
I thought hey new school, new me, new start. It was great, eight grade. I hoped I make a friend. I did I had a few, not many but a few. They actually liked me and didn’t bully me. But when they did tease me I got really defensive, and they were kidding though messing around you could call it. They didn’t understand my past. Past, it caught up with me. People who knew the kids I used to grow up with told them about me. You’d think they would try and get their own opinion but it wasn’t like that I lost a couple friends. Except for one, he didn’t know anyone I had been with so he accepted me for me. He didn’t understand why others didn’t like me. But he didn’t care. He would take me to his beach house or invite me over. It was great.
I decided to leave that school and go to a school that would challenge me for high school. The one friend that I had didn’t want that path. So we lost touch. I have a lot of friends now in high school. Ninth grade was my new start again. It was awesome I loved the school, and I made a bunch of friends. But ninth grade is when I became a bystander. I thought if I just ignore it and let them get bullied I would be fine. That’s ninth grade. I’m a junior now in high school. Still I have my friends, and still I get bullied. Still no one knows my past I keep it hidden. But I’m different now I can stand up for myself, and for other people.
I had realized that why should I allow someone else to go through what I had to go through. I will stand up for those. I also have to say thank you to those who have bullied me if it weren’t for them I would be this distinguished student with high goals, and I wouldn’t be who I am today. I cannot forgive a lot of your for the pain that I was put through. But my message to all who are bullied, I have been there first hand still a lot that has happened has still not been said. I know what you are going through it is not the end of the world. I myself had thought at one point but someone showed me it wasn’t. Life will move on, things will eventually get better. Maybe not now, but in the future it will. And you have to focus on that. Talk to people about how you feel. I still struggle with it, but if you start now you can see a difference.
I’m not just some random person; I’m like you shy, sensitive, and emotional. But be proud of who you are and who you want to be. Do not let anyone get you to quit something you love. I have and I lost my chance to do it again. But don’t give up stay strong.
Now I have a message to the bullies. Bullying is not a thing that you can feel proud about. Yeah you might seem cool doing with all those other people. But in the end it gets worse for you. That nerd you might be picking on can someday be your boss. Remember that. You can bully someone to the point where they will question there life. Life is a precious thing; don’t go ruining it for someone. Your life might be hard but you can’t take it out on other people. Talk to someone.
And finally to the bystanders, you might think you’re not harming anyone or you’re not a bully. But I can say yes you are. If you can’t stand up for someone you know is hurting. Then shame on you. Bullying in this world is serious and you can help defend those. Let out a helping hand; be kind, and nice to them. Show that people do see and can help.
This is my story, it’s the first time I have ever fully talked or wrote about it. Let’s all be a helping hand and help stop this Bullying.