Peeving, annoyance, and frustration.  Considering I had so much to be grateful for, I shouldn’t be annoyed or frustrated with my performance.  I shouldn’t be jealous of those who are more intelligent than me.  I shouldn’t be bitter.  

School will forever be my weakness.  I love learning, but it can be difficult for me.  

“What did you get on the AP Psychology final?” or “What did you get on the math test?” 

Does it really matter?  I think to myself as I ponder the idea that I may not be smart enough or I may not have tried my best.  

As I stare at my Skyward gradebook, I view our most recent grades.  Stress flows through my bloodstream, and my adrenaline skyrockets. 

“I got 91 percent... that’s not good,” my one friend whines.  

“Did you even study?” the other objects. 

I studied, and I got 82 percent… wow.  I sit at lunch, my thoughts slowing down my chewing process, pausing between each gulp.  

A comparison constantly pounding at the back of my head, like a tennis ball on a brick wall.  The echoing sound of concrete breaking the tennis ball’s fall reminds me that I will never be smart enough.  Should I even be in this class?  It bounces all over my brain.  Eventually, one tennis ball turns into two…three…four…five… I am spiraling. 

As I quietly slouch in my seat at lunch, I only hear mumbles of the people around me, muted by my own thoughts.  I begin to feel a tightness in my abdomen, and a warm sensation surrounds my monochrome-colored cheeks.  My cheeks now turn pink with anger and frustration.  I despise the feeling of not being good enough.  I despise the feeling of comparison I have between people who are different from me.  I despise all of these negative feelings.  

Reflecting on the logic of my thoughts, I choose to challenge the negative thoughts and feelings.  Chastising the self-defeat and self-doubt I inflict on myself.  I choose to wash the wounds of pity and negativity that describe my well-being.  I choose to be better than my thoughts.  I will try my best to stay positive.  I will not compare myself to others who are different from me.  I got this,  I think to myself. 

I begin to feel a sense of relief.  Challenging words that really mean nothing.  I am where I am meant to be.  I choose to challenge myself because that’s how I grow.  Working a part-time job is no joke as a full-time highschool student.  Finding time to balance my social life, family life, work life, and school life is difficult, in my opinion.  My impetus for success is not school.  Not grades.  Not ACT scores.  My intrinsic motivation is my own happiness.  My motivation are opportunities, given to me especially.  My motivation is being who I am, and not being who I am not.