Midway through the banal lecture, the door slowly swings open to reveal a new face. He shuffles to an open seat next to Jay, another student, hurriedly taking out a notebook and a laptop, and scribbling notes down. EG, also known as Dr. Edward Graham, pauses the lecture momentarily to acknowledge the newest student. While he resumes the lecture until the end of the lecture, he occasionally calls for discussion of covered topics. Jay and Alex quietly bicker about the topics and class.

After the lecture ends, the new face scurries to EG, taking a good look at him. He’s grayed out, with jovial eyes and a tall, proper form. He carries himself with a performed grace and takes a multi-colored sheet of paper, covered in signatures and initials in neat rows. 

“Hello, young man. And who might you be?” EG inquires, passing the paper to the other, before doing another skim of his student’s grades. 

“I’m Alex, sir. Alex Hernandez.” He responds, hunching down to sign his name on the empty row that has his name printed out neatly. He passes the paper back to EG, who takes it back and neatly slides it back into a green folder. EG turns and goes to his next class, skimming through the grades. 

“As you may know, I’m Dr. Edward Graham. People often refer to me as Earl Gray or EG. Besides that, welcome to Criminal Justice. I assume you’ve checked out the syllabus?” He says, turning to Alex.
“Yes, sir, I have. I know that attendance will affect my grade and I apologize.” Alex trails off, his voice clipped.
The two of them go back and forth with questions and remarks. EG ponders aloud if Alex should be anywhere else. Alex snaps back into reality and hurries off, apologizing quickly. EG gives a held back laugh, resetting his power point for the next class. And as he works through the day, he remembers Alex. He also remembers his son, Alex Graham. The two were opposites, one the antithesis to the other.
Alex Graham, his beloved son. He was as jovial as dogs and as bright as the sun. His beloved son, who had died in the crossfire of an ugly turf war between two gangs. He was perfect, too perfect. He’s gone. He was gone and EG could never handle it right whenever he came by in the depths of EG’s mind.
Later in the week, EG steps into the cushy, comfy room filled with bean bags, pillows, and blankets. His psychiatrist, who sits on a wooden chair, greets him with a warm smile, a match to the room.
“Welcome back, Edward. Take your seat.” She says, keeping her smile. After he sits and mentally prepares, they go into the awkward, agonizing pleasantries. Sooner or later, EG notes about the newest student. Her interest piqued, she pries into the new news. EG obliges and talks about their meeting and how he compares the kid to his son. He claims that, deep down, he knows that Alex and his son are alike, he swears it. After his speech ends, he fiddles with his wedding ring. It’s a stunning silver band, his wife’s name engraved alongside the day they were married. It also carries a dark, yellowed stain. He cannot recall when the stain was on the ring.
The following weeks consisted of chats between Alex and EG, heated discussions between Jay and Alex, and a slow, gradual loss of sleep and coherent thought. And as the weeks progressed, Alex took the role of being the student that lit up the classroom. More tension came from Jay and Alex. But EG didn’t notice since he was being affirmed in the fact that he was right. Alex was like his son, as jovial as dogs and as bright as the sun. He always knew, despite never getting a personal look on Alex’s life.
After midterms, Alex went out of his way to find EG. As soon as they meet up, Alex skips the pleasantries and rambles about how his midterms were, and how he thought he did in EG’s class.
Did Little Graham always have jet black, straight hair? EG thinks he did, anyway. He doesn’t resist the temptation to ruffle his head. He chuckles while doing so.
“I’m sure you did great, kid.” He affirms, readjusting his items and starting to exit the campus. Alex follows like a puppy, asking about EG’s frazzled and deteriorating state. EG quickly dodges the question and parts ways with Alex.
Why can’t he remember Little Graham?
The more time EG spends alone, the more he thinks about Alex. How he wants to see him more, keep him safe, see more of his life. He feels sickened by the growing demand to be his parent, reasoning that he has never met the parents, therefore he shouldn’t be making these kinds of dissident fantasies. And that’s how he finds himself stalking Alex’s social media. He notes the profile pictures, the reposts, the likes, and the content he makes. His entire thing is surrounding feminism and how his account is a safe space for men who cannot be vulnerable in the real world. His alternate accounts are repost filled spaces, mainly surrounding father issues content.
“I could do better than that awful father he has. And I’ll prove it.” EG scoffs out, trying to piece together what kind of man Alex’s father was.
Alex cannot get out of EG’s head and he has to do something about it or he’ll go mad. So, he waits impatiently for his next therapy appointment. He barely remembers what he covers in his classes, deciding to focus on Alex and only Alex. Jay seethes at the attention and swears to plot his revenge.
His appointment finally arrives, and before she could even greet him, he bursts into lengthy prose about Alex. He goes into detail about his accounts, the thoughts, his father, and everything he possibly could.
Taken back, the psychiatrist drops her passive demeanor and warns him of the legal bouts that he could very well get into.
And that’s when he remembers.
A late night walk between Edward and Alex. So perfectly still, with Edward stalking the night. And Alex follows in his trail, carrying ginormous trash bags and nervous at the unknowns. Edward internally resented Alex. Edward knew that Alex was not the ideal, and his existence was too much a burden. When they were confidently out of the neighborhood’s earshot, Edward yanked Alex by his brown, kinky hair to the ground, screaming profanities and insults at him for his imperfections.As the vicious beating continued, the more Edward could not stop his dangerous and angry power trip. He did not stop his cruel actions until he was sure Alex was fixed. And he kept hoping he’d be fixed as the blood splattered his hands and face, as Alex’s little arms snapped, and as he glared at his terrified, tear-filled eyes. When his pathetic head finally cracked is when Edward lost it, sobbing his eyes out. He heaves and chokes as he contorted the dead body into one bag and then the other. He wailed his agonies aloud as if he did not rip the life out of his kin and instead just made him repent for his sins. His imperfections. He takes a look at his newly stained ring.
Horrified, EG looks back to his ring. He screams, taking it off and flinging out of his reach. He believed in that moment that the ring was the Devil himself, taunting EG. Before the psychiatrist could get a word out, EG rushed out the room. EG rushes to get away, away enough to distract himself.
The following weeks are spent ignoring more of his classes and more of him plotting his student’s murder. He reasoned that if Alex was gone, so would the agonizing memories. His stalking multiplies to find more personal things, like his address and car. He does not notice the genuinely distressing tension between Jay and Alex. He does not notice the threats, he does not notice the concerns of other students, and he does not notice Jay. His golden moment starts when Alex comes up after a class and asks for a ride home.
EG quickly obliges and makes their way to his house. The beginning of the ride was filled with deafening silence until Alex breaks it, saying that it’d be okay if he stayed at his house, since weather was going to get rough soon. Before EG objects, Alex adds on his parent’s approval. EG obliges again and soon, they’re at Alex’s house.
EG’s panicking. He’s so close, he can taste it. Taste the blood and hear the cries. He also does not see any other cars in the driveway, except Alex’s. Too close, EG thinks. They wait until the parent’s arrive, chatting up EG as the storm hits. Later in the storm, Alex asks his parents to take him to a special place. They agree and more terrors flood EG’s veins. The parent’s become wary of EG soon after.
The two leave and quickly bump into Jay. Alex freezes and EG heaves a sigh of relief. Jay bursts out into a fit, complaining about Alex and complaining about EG’s preferential treatment. He screams the fact that Alex ruined him. Out of nowhere, Jay pulls a gun out on Alex, saying it was his father’s. EG stupidly asks Jay what on Earth he was talking about. Jay flicks the gun to EG, berating him. Berating about how he enabled Alex to rip the best life Jay had out of him.
Quickly, EG side steps around Jay, putting his large hand onto Jay’s, forcing him to fire three shots at Alex. Then, he forces him to fire at himself. He did it. He really killed them. He completed his goal and can barely feel anything. He takes the kids and rushes back to Alex’s house, sobbing about a made up story on how they both died.
The police arrived and thoroughly interrogated EG and deemed it true. They do not suspect anything. Late into the night, when he steps back into his home, he sobs again.
The guilt eats at him, like a swarm of locusts. He starves himself, loses sleep, and is ever so fearful of the sudden attack on him.
When he steps back into the unsafe, cushy room, he charges straight for the psychiatrist in hysteria. He begs like mad to be locked away and put down like a rabid animal. When the psychiatrist pries, he opens up about his sins. He opens up about how he’s killed his son, Alex Graham, and his students, Alex Hernandez and Jay Keith. He screams out the description of his kills and the supposed euphoria he needed to feel, but never got.
He whispers. “Please, lock me away at a mental institution. Any will do. And when you do, search everything about me. For my sake, and theirs.”