Hidden Secrets | Teen Ink

Hidden Secrets

October 28, 2008
By Anonymous

Ten seconds left in the game. “Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five, Four!” The crowd members were counting down the time left in the game. The last three seconds and Cruz came up the court. “Play three.” She mouthed to Alyssa.
“No! Fake left go right.” Alyssa mouthed back.
“Okay.” Cruz answered. Cruz did the fake but she faked right instead. The other team read our minds and took the ball. They dribbled up the court. “Buzzzzzz!” the final buzzer went off. Fortunately the other team didn’t make any baskets, but the bobcats did lose, AGAIN! As the two teams shook hands Ashley (One of the snobbier MCC players) said, “You Bobcats are such losers! Have you ever even won a fricken game? Your skills stink as bad as a mans BO!” Her an her posse started to laugh. “Did you get that comment out of a garbage can?” Cruz commented back. Even Ashley’s posse started to laugh at the harsh comeback. “What ever!” Ashley said as her and her posse walked away. “What’s up ladies?!?!” August said as he came up to Cruz and Alyssa. “You gye’s like lost soooo bad! On that basketball court, I’m as smooth as butter!”
“Well prove it!” Cruz replied as she threw a basket ball at August. He went for a layup and missed. “Wow!” Alyssa said.
“I, I, I, I tripped!” Said August defensively.
“Who is that?!?!” Lucas said pointing to a new girl.
“Well Lucas lets observe.” Cruz said sarcastically.
“We have never seen her before.” Cruz cut in.
“Yah she’s new.” August finished.
“Whatever.” Lucas said. The group started to walk out of the gym as the eighth graders played. When Cruz opened the door she noticed that there was a piece of glass broken off. “We probably should tell the janitor about that.” Cruz said. As they walked down the hall Brad noticed a broken locker. “I bet if Alyssa stepped in there, she would most likely fit.” He said.
“She wouldn’t be able to get out because of the way it’s broken, she would possibly but most likely end up suffocating to death. If you closed it.” Kellie said as she joined the group. The group now consisted of Kellie, Brad, Lucas, August, Cruz, and Alyssa. Not long after they had arrived at the high school end Brad said, “I got to go to the bathroom!”
“Well go!” Kellie replied.
“Fine if you insist!”
“I do insist!”
“Are you sure?”
“Okay!” Brad said as he left the room.
While brad was in the bathroom washing his hands he went to turn the sink off but it did not move. He tried again. “Turn you stupid faucet!” He yelled. He looked at the sink. The drain was down. He tried to pull that up but it was stuck too. Knowing that the sink quickly overflowed he tried to turn the faucet off again. It was still stuck. He sat down and thought, “Wow! This water is kind of cold.” All of a sudden the hand dryer fell off the wall. “Splash!” The electrical cords were slowly falling. “NO! Don’t……” Brad stopped and tried to stand up. The cords fell into the water and electrocuted Brad. He fell to the ground with a “THUD!” Outside the other kids were waiting for Brad. “Hi gyes!” Butters said as he approached us.
“Well I’m going to check on Brad.” Lucas said trying to act manly for Cruz. “Wow! You’re cute! Especially when you are trying to act manly!” said Cruz. All of the girls laughed.
“Hi Cruz!” Victor said
“Sup!” Cruz said back
“Not much!”
“Not much here either!”
“I know.”
“Got to go!” Victor said as he winked at Cruz.
“Brad’s dead and there is no sign of his death!” said Lucas.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Screamed Cruz, Alyssa, and Siarra. “What?!?!” asked Donovan as he joined the group holding the new girls hand. “Hi! I’m Olivia! Am I acting bubbly?” she asked. “Who Who is my cute nick name for Donovan.” She finished.
“Do you know what just happened? Siarra said
“No.” Olivia said
“Well Brad just died.”
“Oh.” Olivia said. All of a sudden the lights flickered out. “Honey who!”
Olivia said reaching to find Donovan. “He’s not…..” Olivia’s sentence ended. The lights flickered back on. “Where is Cruz, Alyssa, Donovan, Olivia and Siarra.
Meanwhile, Donovan, Alyssa, and Cruz were torturing Olivia with whips. “But honey bunny!” Olivia screamed in torture as Donovan brought a knife out. “THUD!” Olivia’s head fell to the ground. “Yes pokey?!?!” Donovan said as he cackled evilly. Donovan stabbed Olivia’s head with the knife picked it up and carried it to the next room. Siarra was chained to a rotating circle and Cruz and Alyssa were throwing knives at her. “Do you see this?” Donovan asked holding up Olivia’s head. “NOOOOOOOO!” Siarra screamed. All of a sudden sierra became unconscious. “And we didn’t even have to do anything.” Cruz said. They all walked out of the room. When they found their friends. They seemed to have no memory of the terrible happenings. Josh glared at Donovan. “Whats behind your back?” Josh asked.
“Pull your shirt up ladies!!!” the Principle.
“Nice game Ladies!” A teacher said.
“I think we know something!” Brittany said
“What?” Mya asked
“I forgot.”
“Of course!” Mya said ending the conversation between her and Brittany. Blain pushed Donovan. “You killed Brad, Siarra, and Olivia!
“Yes.” Said Donovan
“Who are you going to kill next?
“No you would not!”
“Yes we would!”
“How?” Josh asked.
“Simply.” Donovan said.
“How exactly?!”
“With this!!!!!” Donovan said as he pulled out a little clicker.
Alyssa, Cruz, Victor and Donovan ran out of the school. “BOOOOM!!!!” The school exploded.
“How did you do that?!” Victor asked
“Easy.” Donovan replied.
“I took a little black device in the microwave. The button turned the microwaves on and the black device exploded.
“Cool” Cruz said as the team walked off into the black night.

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This article has 7 comments.

MikeSkanks said...
on Dec. 19 2019 at 2:41 pm
MikeSkanks, Sacramento, California
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
The idea of this story is very good I like the sensory details and the character choices.

on Oct. 9 2015 at 5:00 pm
WinterFrost BRONZE, Mountain Ranch, California
2 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
~ Edgar Allen Poe

Sounds like you have a good idea! A bit confusing in areas yes, but taking time to slow down to talk about the scene/context and characters (so that they can develop more in the story), I believe, will help. :) Keep writing!

on Mar. 8 2013 at 1:52 pm
HeatherPaugh BRONZE, New Palestine, Indiana
1 article 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
someday, i'm gonna run accross your mind. but don't worry..i'll be fine. i'm gonna be alright. i'll be over you, and on with my life. take your records take your freedom. take your memories i don't need em. ♥

I agree! also, if you want to be a writer; you have to tell who is talking! you also have to put lots of details in your story! it jumped a little bit! :)

on Feb. 16 2010 at 9:22 am
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments
wait.... i dnt c this b4... why in gods name do they have WHIPS AND KNIVES? WHERE DO THEY GO? ELM STREET SCHOOL??

on Feb. 16 2010 at 9:21 am
SarClark BRONZE, NC, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 534 comments
Umm... What? And "Well Brad just died." Oh yeah, lotta feeling going into that... sorry, it was good, but LOTTA work 2 do

on Oct. 18 2009 at 7:38 pm
barbestbcb BRONZE, Brooklin, Other
1 article 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them" - Walt Disney

I fund it very confusing - to many people, and the story was very jumpy

on Sep. 16 2009 at 8:13 am
sc0ttysk3latal BRONZE, Kennesaw, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Maybe you should work on transitions a little bit. And reactions. And I was kind of confused when Cruz and company suddenly had whips. And what high school keeps a torture wheel by the bathroom?