Mulan Parady | Teen Ink

Mulan Parady

January 14, 2016
By GoddessEmma BRONZE, Lexington, Kentucky
GoddessEmma BRONZE, Lexington, Kentucky
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Ride or Die.

Once upon a modern day.
There lives a boy named, Mulan.
Mulan had always been different. Loved ponies and glitter. Hated Fighting and girls.
HE had a strange fascination with his next door neighbor, Shane. 
They were best friends for eleven years.
But everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
Shane was sent off to train for war, leaving Mulan all alone.
What happens next for our boy Mulan, watch to find out.

Mulan: War! Why do I have to go to war!
Father: Because! It is a man’s duty to fight for his land!
M: But father I won’t! I will not! The army is not a place fore *dramatically* me!
F: You shall do it! Or you shall be cast out of the family!
M: *Crying* Fine!
Mushu: Oh no gurl! That armor does not go with those boots! *said to the dressed up Mulan*
Mulan: Oh come on! It was the only girl armor I could fine. *Flipping his hair back majestically*
Mu: Mulan hunny. Listen to me. You are going to be surrounded by hundreds of men! You want them to like you right! Maybe you’ll find you love. But guuuuuurl! You cannot go dressed like that!
M: Mushu! I don’t want to go dressed as a male they’ll kick me out for my… Gayness…
Mushu: *In a comforting way* If you’re gay then you’re gay... Don’t pretend to be straight… You are unlike the others, so strong and unique, we’re all with you.
M: But-
Mu: Don’t question me! The all-powerful Mushu!
M: But-
Mu: No! No buts! Or there shall be, dishonor for you! And your cow.
M: Not the cow!!!!
Shane: Hello troops. We are here to fight the fire nation. Nothing will stop us! Nothing! I will teach you the power to wield the weapons you need.
M: Holy crap… *in a hushed whisper* Its Shane…
Shane: Mulanus! Pay attention! I don’t need girly girls in my army!
M: *embarrassed* Yes sir!
Mu: You need help gurl!
M: I’m trying my best! But I’m so weak… I’m not a man at all… I’m *dramatically* A girly boy!
Mu: *gasps* No! No, you are a man!
M: No! I am such a girly boy! I never tell Shane who I really am… He would hate me forever.
*In Shane’s tent*
Shane: I can’t help it! I know I’m gay, but this Mulanus girl… She’s making me feel… Oh god… Straight. *Shudders* No! This can’t be happening!  What about Mulan back home… I’ve always liked him… What now! Oh woe is me!
*In the devastation of the war*
Shane: My father… No... How could he die!
M: Shane... I’m so- *falls to the ground, bleeding*
*Shane walks into the tent*
Shane: Mulanus, I- *Sees Mulan is a guy, and gasps* Mulan! It’s... It’s you!
M: *hides his face* don’t look at me! I’m… I’m not worthy!
Shane: *walks over and sits by Mulan: Mulan… I was hoping we would meet again someday. Mulan, I… I love you!
M: *Gasps* How! How could you love, *dramatically* me!
Shane: I have ever since we were kids!
M: Oh Shane…
Shane: Mulan…
M: Shane…
Shane: Mulan…
Mu: Just kiss already!!

The author's comments:

Mulan. Parody. 

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Favorite Quote:
Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. –Anatole France.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself. –Josh Billings

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.- George Carlin

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. —Franklin D. Roosevelt

Never lose. Either win, or learn. - Me