Zeus: Hey everyone! I got everything set up for our Zoom meeting.

Hephaestus: With my help.

Poseidon: Why do you always get to be host?

Zeus: Cause I’m the most—

Poseidon: powerful and amazing and I will blast you all into oblivion if you dare try to mess with me. Yeah, yeah.

Zeus: Exactly bro.

Athena: Dad, you are 200 years old. Please do not speak like you’re a 19 year old college student.

Hera: I for one, agree with Athena. If you are the most powerful being, ACT LIKE IT.

Zeus: Okay, okay. Fine.

Aphrodite: Oh Athena, have you seen the video setting ‘touch-up?’ I think you need to put it on high. That helmet is too, how do I put this? Un-chic.

Beep! Aphrodite is kicked out.

Ares: Where did Aphrodite go?

Athena: I think she booted herself out. People have lost all their brains these days. Well, except her. She never had any to begin with.

Hephaestus: Why do YOU need to know, Ares? Looking to spend time with her, the goddess who is my wife?

Ares: *grumble*

Demeter: Oh dearest Hades, how are you? Enjoying stealing my daughter and robbing me of all joy and happiness.

Hades: Demeter, I didn’t STEAL her.

Demeter: Sorry, minor slip of the tongue. I meant you tricked her into staying in that horrid place.

Persephone: Mom, I thought we went over this. Stop freaking out.

Demeter: Me, freaking out? ME? Seriously? I mean really.

Persephone: Mom, like Athena pointed out a few minutes ago, you’re NOT A TEEN.

Demeter: Mind your manners. All that time being around dead people had made you UNBEARABLY rude!

Dionysus: What’s up fam?

Hera: Did you hit the bar AGAIN? At this rate you are going to have liver damage or something like that.

Dionysus: Sorry queenie, but I AM the god of wine and of course entertainment, so…

Artemis: Hi! How are you, dearest Hera?

Hera: I am QUEEN Hera to YOU.

Artemis: Totally. Yup. Got it Queen.

Zeus: How are you and Leto, Artemis?

Apollo: Mom, just come over and say hi. (Leto: Is Hera there?) Yeah she’s here. (Leto: Then NO.) Mom, just one minute. (Leto: Yeah TOTALLY. Talk to the woman who forced me to travel the world with monsters chasing me WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. Yeah AS IF.) Look Hera is not at ALL nice but say hi to Artemis and Dad. (Leto: I can visit Artemis anytime. Zeus meanwhile never ONCE stood up for me when I was in complete misery, though my misfortunes were all caused by HIM)

Awkward silence while the conversation from Apollo’s mic is coming.

Hephaestus: Um, I-I just wanna let you know that Apollo is NOT on mute.

Apollo: Oh. Oh. Um well hi? I guess? Nice to see ya all.

Artemis: Smooth bro. Totally smooth.

Hestia: Hi everyone!

Zeus: Hey sis! How’s life in the old hearth?

Athena: DAD. YOU ARE NOT A TEEN.

Hestia: Oh it is all right. I am though getting irritated by this Santa Claus. People are saying he comes into MY fireplaces. *sigh*

Hera: Who IS that in your background Zeus?

Zeus: Nobody. Why?

Hera: Isn’t that Princess Umbra?

Zeus: NO. Shh.

Hera: What?

Zeus: NOTHING.

Hera: I see her ZEUS.

Zeus: Sorry, connection is fizzing out. SHKKK SHKKK

Hera: I can see you perfectly fine.

Zeus leaves meeting.

Hera: Sorry, I am going to find Zeus. I have a few words for him that aren’t meant for the rest of you.

Athena: Oh boy.

Hermes: Hey what’s up peeps?

Hera: I really do not know why I even bother coming to these meetings.

Zeus: Hey all, is Hera gone — oh I mean, um, hey hon!

Hera: Dearest Zeus. How did you enjoy your time with Princess Umbra?

Zeus: I really um don’t have any idea what you um are talking about.

Hera: Oh I think you know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

Zeus: Look, she was just stopping by to say hi?

Hera: Mmhmm.

Athena: Dad, really? You couldn’t even find a better excuse?

Zeus: Oh well, moving on. Wait. What did we come to talk about?

Hades: We were supposed to talk about whether to blast the humans into oblivion to show them our strength.

Poseidon: NO WAY. Zeus got to send a lightning bolt last time. It’s MY turn to destroy humanity.

Athena: Uncle, I never remember agreeing to that.

Hera: So are we in agreement?

Hermes: ‘Bout?

Hera: Blasting humans into oblivion and making sure THEY know who’s boss.

Artemis: I think it would be a nice wake-up call for them.

Apollo: Yeah, it’s for their own good.

Hera: *sigh*

Ares: What about a war?

Poseidon: Oh no. No, no, no. We are doing a flood.

Hephaestus: Umm. Do we really wanna destroy EVERYONE? I dunno. That seems very last century.

Athena: Yes, Hephaestus is right. We must preserve at least two good human beings to recreate humankind.

Poseidon: And we should…?

Hades: Whatever you are gonna do, I need more shades ending up in my kingdom. I can’t be a ruler of like 2 shades.

Persephone: It’s 2,098,491,124,384,682 shades dear.

Hades: My point remains the same.

Demeter: What’s next? Do you want to kill everything so you can have a desolate kingdom?

Hades: Demeter, I just need a few more…

Demeter: Greed is a terrible thing to have.

Persephone: Mom, drop it.

Athena: Remain on task! We need to find a grand display of our power.

Hera: What do you recommend?

Athena: What about…a powerful flood?

Poseidon: That is what I have been saying for the past 20 minutes!

Hera: Please, just go and send the flood.

Zeus: WAIT! We have to do the vote!

Hera: Fine. We don’t really need to though.

Zeus: Just keeping the family traditions alive.

Athena: All in favor?

Everyone raises Zoom hand.

Athena: Uncle, you may unleash the flood!

Poseidon: WHOOP WHOOP!

5 minutes later…

Zeus: I thought we agreed on flood. Not creating a water world.

Poseidon: You never specified. Anyways, you did say “wipe out all of humanity.”

Athena: You made sure you rescued at least two humans from a terrible fate?

Poseidon: Let’s say I am…49% sure?

Athena: *sigh* I have a proposal. We need to create humanity quickly. Why not send Themis to let the two humans know what they need to do?

Hera: Good. The faster we finish this, the quicker I can get to the spa.

Athena invited Iris.

Iris joined the meeting.

Athena: Goddess Iris!

Iris: Yes, Athena?

Athena: Please send this message to Themis.

Iris: Wait one sec. I need to pull out Chat.

Athena: “Themis, let the two humans who will arrive at your oracle’s home to throw rocks behind their shoulders. These rocks will recreate humanity.”

Iris: Okay, just two moments.

Iris invited Themis.

Themis joined the meeting.

Themis: Yes?

Iris sent a message to Themis.

Themis: Oh, okay. See you later!

Themis left the meeting.

Iris: Well, my job is done. Catch ya on the flip side!

Iris left the meeting.

20 minutes later…

Poseidon: Well, this was a really productive meeting! We destroyed humanity and then created it again. BOOM! Done!

Hera: Well, I need to go to a spa right now. Bye.

Hera left the meeting.

Hephaestus: The smithy is waiting. Gotta go.

Hephaestus left the meeting.

Apollo: I am going to spend time on my synthesizer. Bye!

Artemis: I need to catch up on sleep. You know, being the goddess of night is really hard. All that staying up is very tiring.

Apollo and Artemis left the meeting.

Poseidon: Okay, well, goodbye!

Hades: Just to let you all know, it’s MY turn to destroy humanity next.

Poseidon: Fine.

Poseidon and Hades left the meeting.

Demeter: Persephone, when will you come to visit?

Persephone: 6 months. Love you Mom! Bye!

Demeter and Persephone left the meeting.

Zeus: I am king of the gods, so…I need to establish my power. Toodles!

Athena: See you all at the next Zoom meeting.

Athena and Zeus left the meeting.

Hermes: Hey Dionysus, wanna meet up at my house? I stole Apollo’s lyre which was technically my invention.

Dionysus: Totally! I’ll also bring some cool party games. I know how to plan awesome parties! Being you know the god of entertainment and all that.

Hermes and Dionysus left the meeting.

The End 

(until the Greeks gods and goddesses decide to send us into oblivion again…)