Old timey house with fake candle lighting on the wall. A offwhite/yellow wallpaper. 3 views into 3 different rooms and a hallway, the kitchen, the dining room, and the living area. Lit in a warm lighting. Living area stage right, hallway which has the dimmest lighting, dining area stage center, kitchen stage right. Have the walls separating act as true walls, the wall separating the dining area from kitchen area will have a doorway invisible to the audience due to perspective and a candle on the wall next to it which should be able to twist to the sides. A floor which looks like wood, kitchen will need wine glasses and sink cleaner, dining table will need a table set with the seat at the head of the table’s plate having a dried pea. Costumes for an old-timey maid outfit, an emerald green dress, floor length and off the shoulder, not too much structure, pockets on the seam line, a black suit with a matching tie and a white under shirt, a checkered brown suit with a matching time and a white under shirt. Actors should enter stage right into the living area. Living area needs 2 chairs and a love seat, a door  on the back wall (obvious to audience) and a coat rack with a long black feminine coat on it.

Woman in Emerald dress and man in black suit sit in living area having conversation about their kids, both sat poised and perfect. Maid in the kitchen finishing dinner and plating the food.

JILL

(Mocking Tone)

Ah yes well my son is attending Harvard, not some disappointment of a school like Yale. 

(WOMAN crosses arms)

KLEID

(Serious and Offended)

You act as if Harvard is something to be ashamed of. My son is on his way to be a world class lawyer. (Glaring at the woman)

(Man in brown suit enters arms open)

JEFERSON

(Exhausted)

Jill! Kleid! You are siblings, my children, stop being such brats, it's my money putting them through the schools after all.

KLEID

(Tense)

 Well Jeferson you haven’t been a father to us since I was 5.

JILL

 Since mom died, so you know forever for me.(Leaning back on the couch)

JEFERSON

I haven’t seen any of you in, what is it now, 20 years! One night is all I ask.

(Jill and Kleid exchange a look)

JILL

(Sitting back up)

I wouldn’t mind some peace, you know working for the government and all

KLIED

Its not that hard to sleep the way to the top. Even Mittens could.

JEFERSON

Whos MIttens?

KLIED

The cat we had growing up, you know the one you gave us after you left.

JILL

You mean the one he got you? All I got was a stern lecturing about how if I didn’t take care of your sad ass I would be in boarding school for the left of my life

JEFERSON

(Taken aback)

Watch your language! You are a refined woman, not one who was raised on the streets

JILL

(Raising voice)

Get it through your thick rotting skull. YOU didn’t raise us, tutors and nannies who would beat us for stepping a inch out of place raised us. 

(KLEID scoffs)

JEFERSON

Jil-

JILL

I’m Leaving. This was a bad idea. You’ll never change.

(JILL gets up and walks towards door)

JEFERSON

(Pleading tone)

Jill Just dinner, please just dinner

(JILL pauses, hand on doorknob)

JILL

One hour, ONLY one

(LANA enters)

LANA

Sorry to interrupt, however, dinner is served.

(Thunder rumbles and all go to dining room)

JEFERSON

I had Lana whip up some chicken parmesan with zucchini noodles. Not to mention we have red wine (Turning to Jill with glass in hand), your favorite

KLEID

I’m allergic to zucchini, always have been

JILL

And I’m on probation, you sent me a card saying ‘get well soon’

JEFERSON

(JEFERSON sips wine)

You are both so difficult to- (JEFERSON starts to cough uncontrollably)

JILL & KLEID

(In unison)

Father!

(JEFERSON keeps coughing, grabs at throat, then collapses onto the table, at the same time LANA walks in with a bottle of wine, LANA drops it, wine glass shatters)

(JILL & KLEID & LANA scream after 3 seconds then all lights fade to black)

(LANA checks out JEFERSONS body in the dining room, JILL pacing in the living room and  KLEID is sitting on the kitchen floor with a bottle of wine)

KLEID

(Rocking gently and talking to himself)

He- he was healthy. How did this happen, murder. Must be murder. One of us, it must be one of us. It wasn’t me, Lana or Jill must be vengeful. But why?

JILL

(Calm and even toned, talking into phone)

Henry, yes everything is going well, I know you wanted to come but it was a dad and kids affair. Not just me, Uncle Kleid and Grandpa. Yes, yes, I love you too, I have to go now okay? I’ll be back soon.

(LANA waits on the edge of the living room)(JILL puts phone away)(LANA sits down on couch, pats next to her for JILL to sit next to her)

JILL

(Panicking)

Is he dead? Like dead dead? Oh no. Oh no. This, this isn-

LANA

(calming voice)

Honey its going to be okay. Just like you told Henry, everything is well. Just calm down. Everything is o-

JILL

(Standing up and pacing again, voice rasing)

Okay? Its goING TO BE OKAY? MY FATHER IS DEAD! AND YOU WERE PROBABLY THE ONE TO DO IT. YOU GREEDY-

LANA
(Also standing)

I’M GREEDY? ME? I HAVE WORKED FOR YOUR FAMILY FOR 30 YEARS AND I HAVEN”T GOT A RAISE SINCE 1990!

JILL

1990! YEAH RIGHT! ITS 2009! FATHER MAY BE, HAVE BEEN, DISTANT BUT HE ISN’T AN COMPLETE ASS!

(In the kitchen KLEID gets up, takes a big sip of the wine which is now empty, and walks over to the living room, drunk)

LANA
OH WELL I GUESS YOU TOOK AFTER YOUR MOM THEN!

KLEID

(raising his hands and slurring his words)

Pshhh, You think that he actually cared about us? Any of us? 

(KLEIDS laughs and sits down on the chair)

JILL
I mean his will probably went to ‘miss oh I’m so unfortunate’ over here so you know.

LANA

Oh thats rich, you were always his favorite, his perfect little girl, an actress of the greatest standard

JILL

(Rolls eyes)

Yah that whole drug scandal made him real proud.

(JILL plops onto the couch)

LANA

Actually he just denied it until he saw pictures of you participating in a drug deal in the paper.

KLEID

(Words still slurring)

Oh you silly women! You're the ones with motive to kill him! I’m going home.

(KLEID tries to stand but falls down on the couch. KLEID gets off the chair)

LANA

You can barely get up! No way I’m letting you go ho-

JILL

Just because you loved the man, doesn’t mean you need to step in as our mom. 

LANA

I’m trying to keep more people from dying tonight! I helped you through so much, and this is how you treat me?

JILL
You have treated me like a plate on the verge of shattering my whole life. Like one wrong move and I’m going to shatter and cut you!

LANA

I mean, someone you have made obvious you dislike just dropped dead while eating…

JILL
OH YAH! GO AHEAD! BLAME THE ACTRESS!

LANA

Now that you mention it!

KLEID

(still wobbling while attempting to remain standing)

Your like the same age! How could she be your mom! Our mom? 

JILL

(Scoffing)

I mean dad did younger

LANA

Do not speak of the dead like that!

JILL
Atleast I’m not treating him like a case to be solved like those dumb shows you watch

LANA

At Least I didn’t star in them. 

KLEID

Pfft. Jilly Jill, that's what you're doing! With the blaming and-

JILL

OH SO I’M SUCCESSFUL SO TEAM UP ON ME HUH

(KLEID Pulls out a bottle of wine from behind the couch and offers to JILL)

KLEID

I think you may need this

JILL

I’M ON PROBATION DIMWIT

KLEID

Ey, calm yo self

(LANA and JILL both whip their heads around to look at KLEID)

KLEID

What? I heard it in a TV show

LANA

You are a 60 year old man. Pick yourself up and act dignified for the first time in your life.

KLEID

Yah Jill was right, you are like a mom

(JILL groans and stomps to the Kitchen)

LANA

I’m calling the police. There is a dead man in the Dining room.

KlEID

NO! I mean what if it was one of us that killed him, I mean you served the food after all

LANA

You think I killed him? I heard you fighting with him earlier!

KLEID

I wonder why, he cut me out of his will!

LANA

So if you killed him now, you would still be in it, there was no way he could have the will updated in the eyes of lawyers!

KLEID

I doubt that! He may have been old but he would do whatever he wanted! He was replacing me with you! He easily could have got it in! And you wanted to secure your new inheritance!

LANA

You act like I would kill someone! I’ve worked here for 30 years! I have no reason to kill him. I would have just quit!

KLEID

Well, he choked on something! And you cooked it!

LANA

If you payed attention to something for the first time in your life you would know that he never ate his food! It had to be something in the wine!

(KLEIDS face drops)

KLEID

The wine I had just drained.

LANA

Sh*t.

KLEID

JILL! JILL WHERE DID YOU GO!

(KLEID run through house to the kitchen where Jill is looking through the cabinets)

JILL

Now what? She put a hole in you? I mean there's one knife unaccounted for, so, you never know.

KLEID

He must’ve been killed by something in the wine.

JILL

You had just-

KLEID

I just finished off the full bottle. 

JILL

Nothing is going to happen to you, we have been through so much.

(KLEID and JILL now both crying)

KLEID

I’m going to call the cops, tell them someones dead and that one of us may be next, that I drank the wine he died while drinking.

(JILL sits down on the floor, KLEID joins her)

JILL

If it was the wine, wouldn’t you have been dead by now?

KLEID
(Laughing)

Who knows? I mean I’m pretty good at surviving drugs and poison and so on, you should know how I am

JILL

(Laughing)

Considering I lost jobs when you made me go get you some? Yah I know.

KLEID

How come- How come you did that for me? 

JILL

Your my older brother, I would do anything for you.

KLEID

Dad found out, I haven’t done anything in years upon years, not since Jr., but he found out and was disowning me

JILL

You didn’t um, you didn’t do this right?

KLEID

I mean, not that I remember, why would I have drank the wine then?

JILL

I don’t know? And alibi?

KLEID

Ok Ms. Detective

JILL

I wish I could’ve been an detective, solving crimes, saving lives, doing something important.

KLEID

You do something important Jill. You make people laugh and cry and you make people happy. You let people see the stories they could only dream of. That keeps people dreaming and thinking and creating. That helps everyone. At least your not a-

JILL

A lawyer? One who works against some of the people who are closest we get to villains? That helps.

KLEID

I was going to say a drunk.

JILL

I was much more than that so I have no use in judging you for that.

KLEID

Why did we stop talking? You flatter me so much.

JILL

Probably because you have a big mouth.

KLEID

Not so hot yourself.

JILL

Dads dead body is still face first in his lasagna

KLEID

I’m never going to eat lasagna again.

JILL

Agreed.

(LANA walks to kitchen and enters)

KLEID

We’re calling the cops. Your going away for a long time Lana. A long time.

LANA

What do you think I did this! You're insane!

JILL

Well it wasn’t either of us. And you seem pretty adamant on sending us away.

LANA 

Insane I tell you! 

(LANA leaves kitchen and to the living room before exiting stage right)

JILL

She just left the crime scene

KLEID

And I am not getting her back

JILL

Neither am I.

KLEID

No need to be so lazy.

(JILL walks to wall and picks up phone, dials 911, phone rings, JILL sticks out her tounge at KLEID)

JILL

Hi yes we have an emergency…

(Lights fade to black)

(Lights fade back on, POLICE OFFICERS 1 & 2 stand in the dining room with JILL and KLEID)

POLICE OFFICER 1

He just choked and fell like this?

JILL

Yes 

POLICE OFFICER 2

And you suspect it was the maid who did it? The maid who ran?

KLEID

Yes Officer, why else would she have run?

POLICE OFFICER 2

I’m not sure but I don’t think it was her

JILL

And why’s that?

POLICE OFFICER 1

Because on the way up here, we saw her and picked her up. She reported the same thing.

KLEID

Well neither of us did it

POLICE OFFICER 2

Was he prone to Strokes? Heart attacks? Seizures? Anything?

JILL
No, last I heard he was healthy, going on runs every day

KLEID

Only eating lean foods

POLICE OFFICER 1

Was there something he could’ve choked on? A pebble in the wine or something?

KLEID

I drained the bottle, no rocks

(POLICE OFFICER 1 exchanges a look with POLICE OFFICER 2)

POLICE OFFICER 2

Would it be alright for one of us to do the heimlich on him to see if he choked on anything? Or you can just wait for someone to cut him open and look.

(JILL looks at KLEID, KLEID NODS)

KLEID

Just see now.

(POLICE OFFICER 1 walks to JEFERSONS body, maneuvering JEFERSON. POLICE OFFICER 1 gives JEFERSON the heimlich and something flies out of JEFERSONS mouth, JILL gasps and brings a hand to her mouth)

JILL

He choked to death. But what is that?

(POLICE OFFICER 2 bends down and picks up the object which flied out of JEFERSONS mouth)

POLICE OFFICER 2

It seems uhm, it seems to be a fly.

KLEID

How did a fly-

(JILL puts a hand on KLEIDS shoulder)

JILL

It must have flown into his mouth when he was talking or went to take a drink.

POLICE OFFICER 1

We are very sorry for your loss.

(POLICE OFFICER 2 turns to JILL)

POLICE OFFICER 2

Get your brother home safe. He seems a bit out of it.

JILL

Will do officer

KLEID

(Mumbling)

I can get myself home safe.

(JILL gives KLEID a pointed look)

POLICE OFFICER 1

We’ll take him down to a funeral home, there's one on the way back to the station. You both should get home. I have a feeling it's been a long night.

(POLICE OFFICER 1 and POLICE OFFICER 2 walk to the living room and out stage right)

JILL
So, I guess we should get going

KLEID

I guess so.

(JILL and KLEID walk to the living room and out stage right)

THE END