12th Year Celebration | Teen Ink

12th Year Celebration

March 3, 2013
By kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments

After the attack there was chaos, and the 12th year celebration is the way our town keeps order. Also, this time the celebration is even more important to me than ever before. I turned 12 last month and am therefore considered a 12th year. I am getting my job today.

As I stand with all the other 12th years, in our gray tattered cloths, I begin to notice my surroundings more clearly. The gray sky that has always been there, is less black then usual. A fairly nice day. The walls around our town seem brighter than usual, protecting us from the wastelands and what other dangers lie outside. As I stand with everyone else in a line, I see the crowd of people, some of them parents. They stand nervously, not knowing what to expect for their children.

All of us in line are ready for the procedures to begin. All the 12th years have a number to determine who is who. For the celebration I am boy #73 out of 135 boys and 143 girls. Before the celebration, we endure all sorts of physical and mental tests to determine what would be the best kind of work or job for each one of us. I am hoping to be a messenger so I can travel to the other towns and see the world outside the wall. I want to run free and be free. I need to be a messenger; I am perfect for the job. I am tall and athletic, and I am good leader with other people, all necessary things for being a messenger.

The leader, a slightly chubby man, Waltheisser is his name, is walking up to the podium. The crowd of people are swaying nervously, looking at all the kids in the line. I see my dad in the left corner of the crowd with his deep blue hat. His face is covered in a dark shadow, so I can’t see what he is thinking, but he probably has his fingers crossed with a nervous smile painted on his face. My mother won’t be at the celebration; she is a watcher so she will be at the wall watching for beasts, or whatever is past the wall.

As Waltheisser begins to talk I cough nervously. “Hello everyone!” He booms. “Welcome to the annual Job day celebration for the 12th years.”

Everyone in the crowd starts to clap as an act of obligation for the 12th years.

When the cheering dies down, Waltheisser continues to talk. “This is an exciting year with great 12th years. We not only have all the normal jobs like farming and smithing ready to fill, but we also have a few rarer jobs to fill. We have 2 committee slots to fill, one boy and one girl. We also have 4 new messenger slots open this year.”

When Waltheisser is finished droning on and on about jobs, he pulls out a new sheet of paper.

“Hmm.” He murmurs, his puffy cheeks bouncing up and down. “Oh yes we do have one more job, this one created by the committee this year. It is the explorer job. This job has 20 slots. Those who are chosen, will learn more.”

A wave of questions are shouted out by the crowd, while all the 12th years look nervously at each other, silently questioning each other.

Waltheisser raises his hand, to hush the crowd, and an instant silence spreads though the audience. “Like I said, I will give more details about it to the people who get the explorer job. Now, I will start announcing who gets what job. We are already late. All the 12th years, please take one step forward.”

We all do as we are told and step perfectly in unison, one step forward.

“Hmm... Lets do the two committee members first, then the ironsmiths, and so on,” Waltheisser says enthusiastically. He takes a breath and then goes on. “Boy 128 and Girl 84... Congratulations, you are the new committee members!”

The audience bursts into applause.

As I stand there for the next half hour, I start looking at my town, and my mind begins to wander. The town that we live in, is one of the few towns that survived the attack. In our town a council was formed, who create and enforce the laws. We needed everyone to do certain jobs, to help everyone survive after the attack, so the council created 12th year celebration, where everyone who is a 12th year receives assigned jobs. This is one of the only things that binds this town together, without it we’d have nothing at all. It is not always the best system, and not everyone gets the job they want, but it is necessary for survival. Without it, the order in the civilization would crumble, and we would be overrun by monsters.

The sky is beginning to darken, and there are about twenty-five boys and girls and are left. Waltheisser is just finishing announcing watchers. Now there are only twenty-four 12th years left, me included. Four slots for messengers and the rest for the mysterious explorer job.

I take a deep breath in anticipation, knowing that this moment will change my life forever.

Waltheisser begins talking again. “Now for the four messenger slots.” Girl 2 and Girl 106. You two are the first two messengers. Now for the boys. Boy 48 you are a messenger. Now the next boy, and the last messenger. Boy 37. Congratulations you are a messenger!”

I let out a gasp, as the world goes dark in my eyes. This is wrong! Waltheisser must have meant 73, not 37! Why am I not a messenger?

“Now for the last twenty 12th years. You are explorers. Meet me in library tomorrow at eleven sharp. I will tell you what an explorer is.” Waltheisser tells us ominously, his face reflecting and dancing to the shadows of the dark clouds above. “For everyone else, the library is closed tomorrow.”

My dreams are instantly fading away! Now I have a job that I don’t know a damn thing about. Why am I not a messenger? Why? Why? No!


The author's comments:
Post apocalyptic story that really leaves you hanging... I could probably write like a novel about this....

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This article has 7 comments.


kbatra SILVER said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 6:11 pm
kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
thanks.. i will  

CammyS SILVER said...
on Mar. 20 2013 at 11:29 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

I like the plot and I think that it would make a great book, but I wholeheartedly second everthing that "Something" said. The lack of description and detail left 73's world empty and blank. It did feel like a little kid's diary: "I am excited for the Celebration. I want the messenger job. I am angry and upset that I did not get the job I want." If you make it so that the reader has to figure these things out through the character's actions, you bring them into the story and really engage them. I hope this helps, and good luck with your book!

on Mar. 20 2013 at 9:40 am
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
You did a great job on this piece. I can fid nothing wrong with it. The only thing is that I wish I could read more. Tell me when you post te novel!

kbatra SILVER said...
on Mar. 18 2013 at 2:56 pm
kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
yeah I agree.. i'm using this to write a book and I will deffinately us your suggestions to help.. Thanks... I have read both, and it will be sort of like that kind of theme, but different story..

Something. said...
on Mar. 14 2013 at 9:30 pm
Something., X, New Jersey
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments
 The first sentence is a good hook, but the first paragraph slows down from there. Have you ever read a young kid’s diary entry? Sort of goes like this: I went to the mall. I bought nice shoes. Also, I called my friend. The sentences are simple, understandable, but a bit boring. In other words: telling, but not showing. Places that seemed a bit like that are in the first paragraph 1)   “Also, this time the celebration is even more important to me than ever before. I turned 12 last month and am therefore considered a 12th year. I am getting my job today.”  and later on 2) “I am hoping to be a messenger so I can travel to the other towns and see the world outside the wall. I want to run free and be free. I need to be a messenger; I am perfect for the job. I am tall and athletic, and I am good leader with other people, all necessary things for being a messenger.” Try to lengthen/combine the sentences occasionally so the paragraphs aren’t as choppy. I rewrote the second example as a model of good sentence variation: “What did a messenger do? Did they see the sun set behind the ocean, climb mountains in snowstorms, and hunt for food with only a knife? I didn’t know, but I could soon. ” Also let him show through backstory and the plot that he is athletic and a good leader. Constant internal questioning and a lot of exclamation marks make the story a bit melodramatic at the end. Use them sparingly. It draws unnecessary attention. Ex. “I let out a gasp, as the world goes dark in my eyes. This is wrong! Waltheisser must have meant 73, not 37! Why am I not a messenger?” “My dreams are instantly fading away! Now I have a job that I don’t know a damn thing about. Why am I not a messenger? Why? Why? No!” This reads like an interior monologue. We know the character’s thoughts and how he feels but not how he reacts. Occasionally, you do add some description of how he acts towards events, but it usually isn’t enough. In the example, try to focus on what you feel the character would physically do. Maybe he has a temper. Then he’ll yell, scream, and push people away. Or maybe is too shocked to respond (which seems like he is in the story). His heart can skip a beat, his mouth can hang open, and his hands can shake uncontrollably. All these things show what the character feels. Simply having him antagonize the reader about his problems isn’t as effective. That’s about all the time I have. Beside hunger games, did you read game of thrones and city of ember? Sort of got that feeling from the wall and messengers though I might be wrong.

kbatra SILVER said...
on Mar. 14 2013 at 6:06 pm
kbatra SILVER, Needham, Massachusetts
6 articles 0 photos 12 comments
thanks.. i am turning it into a novel right now :)

on Mar. 14 2013 at 4:31 pm
KealliiRaycene BRONZE, Sumter, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
So what? All writers are lunatics- Cornelia Funk

I could totally see this turning into a novel, it sort of has the Hunger Games feel to it, although, in my opinion, the Hunger Games stunk, yours surpassed that by far, just a little less of description of who he was, make us see it. I hope that didn't sound harsh, because it really wa interesting!