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Grief's Embrace
Jack Stephenson was an ordinary man with extraordinary accomplishments in the science field. In the lab, his knowledge of biotechnology had pushed his company forward in pursuit of the creation of the first human clone; however, he remained anonymous for his contributions. He claimed that he did not want to be in the public eye.
Jack stepped out of his gleaming black Toyota Highlander and hummed his sons’ favorite karaoke song. He walked into the house and greeted his wife.
"Hey, handsome, welcome home!" Alexis took him in a bear hug and kissed him. "How long has it been?"
"Uh, quite some time." Jack ran his fingers through his hair.
"It’s fine." She patted him on the back. "Is the clone project complete?"
"We’re almost ready to reveal it to the public."
"So you’ll be home more often?"
"Of course." He gave her hand a squeeze, then sprinted upstairs.
Jack opened the door to Adam and Nicky’s room.
The two seven-year-olds turned away from their TV. Both of them jumped onto Jack’s arms. The cherry blossom scent of his kids’ hair smelled way better than the decaying odor of the rats in his lab. Jack embraced them close for some time, then leaned his shoulders forward to let the kids come down. Jack played a baseball video game until his wife called him downstairs.
“We’re going to the fair in an hour,” Alexis said. “The kids will be so excited that you can go.”
He yawned and headed for the cushy couch.
A soft tap on his chest woke him up. "Honey, let's go. Adam and Nicky are waiting in the backseat," Alexis said.
"How long did I sleep for?"
"Like three hours." She chuckled. "Your snores were very loud."
"Oops." Jack’s face grew red. He followed Alexis to the garage.
When they entered, the kids gasped at the huge, neon green roller coaster. They ran off. Jack and Alexis caught up to the kids and merged into a roller coaster line that seemed to never end.
While waiting, Jack locked eyes with his wife. It had been a long time since he stood this close to perfection. His beautiful wife, with her chocolate-brown hair and eyes as peaceful as a lake. Alexis pulled out her phone to play Candy Crush.
Jack’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He glanced at the text from his boss. Jack, I need you in the office now.
Working in the company for twenty years, Jack knew his boss would not be open to a negotiation.
He took a deep breath and turned to his wife. "Hon, I'm really sorry, but I have to dash back to the office now."
"Oh, Jack, why? We are almost at the front of the line."
"I know, but Merlin needs me now."
Alexis took Jack’s right hand. "Not again. Do you have to go?"
"I’m sorry, but the cloning project is going public in two weeks. They bumped it up."
Jack turned to face his children. "Hey, little ones, you’ll see me back home soon."
"Dad, don't go!" Adam said.
“I’m sorry, but we can play more video games when I come home in an hour.”
"Be prepared to get destroyed." Nicky smirked.
Jack laughed. His son had always said this to him.
He waved to the kids and jogged to his car. His work was 40 minutes away; Jack made it 25.
When Jack walked into Merlin’s office, his boss said, “Hey, Jack, I’m really sorry to call you in this late, but Pier needs the XQV file, and you are the only one who can sign it.”
After signing the paperwork, Jack stayed to check his emails. It was 11:40 when Jack glanced at the clock. He’d have to buy his wife roses tomorrow to make it up to her.
Jack said goodbye to Merlin and closed the door to the office. The darkness swallowed him whole. He waited for the taxi to pick him up.
A cold burst of air greeted Jack when he arrived at home. He shivered, wishing Alexis had turned the heat up. Adam liked to kick his cover off. He wanted to check on the boys and pull the blanket over his son.
But Adam and Nicky weren’t in their beds. He ran into his own bedroom. Alexis was also gone.
Poundings on the door interrupted Jack’s thoughts. He ran downstairs and yanked the door open. Two police officers stood side by side. One of them removed his hat and placed it close to his chest.
The other one, unsmiling, said, "Mr. Stephenson?"
Jack could only nod.
"Mr. Stephenson, your wife and kids have been killed in a vehicle accident."
"What?"
They talked for a few more minutes, but Jack heard none of it.
"I... go now; I need a moment." Jack softly latched the door. His legs couldn’t support his weight any further, and he collapsed onto the cold wood floor.
It didn’t make sense. He’d just said goodbye to his family.
His face contorted with pain. A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye and rolled down his cheek, leaving a wet trail in its wake.
#
For the next two weeks, Jack shut himself at home until he couldn’t stand his own reflection.
At the office, he felt numb and disconnected from the world around him, barely registering their condolences.
He strolled to the bathroom, his mind preoccupied with the tasks of the day ahead. But as he glanced up at the mirror, he was struck by a jolt of shock. There, staring back at him, was the reflection of Alexis. Jack froze, his hand hovering inches from the glass. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. His wife looked just as she had the last time he saw her, before the vehicle accident claimed her. She smiled at him the same way she did at the fair, as if nothing changed.
Jack felt his heart race as he reached out, his fingers trembling as they touched the cool surface of the mirror.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. When he opened them again, his wife was gone. He let out a sigh of despair and leaned his head against the bathroom counter.
As Jack leaned on the bathroom counter, his shoulders shaking with sobs, he saw the figure of his boss, Merlin, appear in the doorway. Jack straightened himself.
Merlin’s eyebrows knitted together. "Jack, what's going on? Are you okay?"
"I saw her. I saw my wife in the mirror. It was like she was right here with me."
"Let’s get you a glass of water."
"It’s just hard. I miss her so much."
"It’s alright. We'll get through this together."
"Thank you, Merlin. It means a lot."
Merlin placed his hand on Jack’s shoulder. "Take some more time off to process everything that’s happened. You need to take care of yourself."
"But the project…"
"Your well-being is more important."
Jack followed Merlin’s advice and went home. But the heartbreaking pain only worsened as he curled up on the couch.
"Hey dad," a familiar voice called out to Jack.
A small figure ambled from the darkness and walked in the light.
"Nicky, is that you?"
The figure turned to face him. "Do you miss me?"
"More than you could know."
"Then why do you leave me dad?" Nicky frowned, "Why do you always leave me?"
“Nicky I…”
"You should’ve died with us!" Nicky roared and disappeared into the shadows.
This was all Jack’s fault. Nothing would’ve happened if he had driven them home.
He walked into the kitchen to grab some food. He couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as he saw the photos of his family displayed on the fridge. There was a selfie of Alexis, her bright smile lighted up the room. To the left of her selfie were group pictures of Adam and Nicky, their laughter contagious even in a photograph.
He stood there for some time. The minutes ticked by, and Jack started to feel a sense of determination growing within him.
His idea was risky and uncertain; one that he could potentially be imprisoned for. But he could not shake off the idea of a possible reunion.
He was going to clone them. He squared his shoulders and began to plan.
The first step was to get DNA samples. He pulled hairs off a hair brush that Alexis used, and then he dumped them into a bag. He repeated this two more times for his kids.
It was a quarter past midnight when he arrived at the laboratory. Luckily, Merlin had gone home.
The first thing he did was switch off the security cameras. The cameras had broken down four times before, so Merlin wouldn’t be suspicious.
His eyes scanned the rows of gleaming machines and equipment as he passed the corridor.
His legs quivered as he strode through the doors of the cloning chamber. The sweat beaded on his forehead as he approached the control panel.
He reached for one of the three DNA samples and placed it on the scanner. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This is what he wanted, and he couldn’t step away now. He pressed the enter key.
The machine hummed to life, and the first rays of light began to appear in the incubation tanks.
At four in the morning, after following all of the sixty steps in the handbook, a small figure appeared out of the light.
"Nicky!"
"Daddy? Is that you?"
With a cry of relief, he scooped Nicky up in his arms and held him close. He could feel the warmth of his kid against his chest, and he knew it was real.
“Jack, are you here? I see your car in the parking lot.”
It was Merlin. Jack gritted his teeth. He needed to go now, before Merlin found out. He led Nicky to the car. He slammed his foot on the accelerator.
Jack turned onto their street. "We're home."
"Where?"
"This is our house, Nicky."
"Really?" Nicky stood in the middle of the living room. His eyes wide as he took in the sights and sounds around him. He scanned the walls and the corners. “This is home?”
Jack’s mouth fell open as he took in a sharp breath. He had been testing clones for months now. Not once did the clones exhibited signs of memory loss.
Whatever, he’ll just figure it out tomorrow. It’s 5:20 in the morning.
"This is your room."
"It is?" Nicky’s voice filled with doubt. He took a step forward, his small hand reached out to touch the door frame.
"Time to go to bed.” Jack pulled the blanket over Nicky. He paused for a second. “Actually, can I sleep next to you?”
“Sure.”
“Goodnight son.” He cuddled Nicky close.
When Jack opened his eyes next, the sunlight, streaming through the window, caused him to squint.
"Daddy, I don’t like it." Nicky’s nose wrinkled.
"What?"
"My room."
"Why?"
"I don’t know." Nicky shrugged his shoulders, "It doesn’t feel like home."
Jack scratched his scalp. "Why don’t we go outside for a little while?"
They drove to a nearby park. Jack pulled some baseballs out of his trunk. His son slid the glove into his right hand. Nicky had always been a lefty.
Something was wrong, but he convinced himself that it wasn’t a big deal. All Nicky did was switch hands. Jack took a deep breath and walked to the fields with his son.
When Jack threw the ball to Nicky, his boy whiffed it. The ball flew past him and rolled into the bushes.
Jack’s mouth hung open and his brows furrowed. Not only did his boy become a lefty; he also forgot how to catch a ball.
“Go get the ball.” Jack avoided eye contact.
Nicky nodded and then marched into the bushes.
Jack waited for five minutes, then squirmed his way into the bush and called out for his son. There was no answer. He strained his eyes to see through the dense tangle of leaves and branches, but he couldn’t find him.
Two hours passed by before he was able to find Nicky. His son huddled next to a fire hydrant, his face paler than a sheet of paper.
"Nicky, why didn’t you stay in the same place after you got lost?"
"Because I was scared." Nicky sniffled.
"Have we not already established this when you got lost in Disneyland a year ago?"
"Disneyland? We went to Disneyland?"
"How I found you and you promised to…" Jack sighed. "Back to the car."
Although Nicky was next to him, Jack didn’t feel the presence of his son. This clone wasn’t his boy, it was a stranger that looked like Nicky. They didn’t share any traits other than their appearance.
As Jack climbed into the driver’s seat, he couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that lingered in the air. He sniffled and wiped his nose with a shaking hand. He looked up and clenched his jaw to keep the tears from escaping his eyes.
Jack had inflicted this pain by cloning his kid; he couldn’t even bring himself to look at it in the rearview mirror.
He didn’t speak once when he drove the clone home.
The clone was exhausted and went straight to bed. Jack stood in the doorway of the room. He watched as the clone drifted off to sleep.
If this wasn’t Nicky, there seemed no point in cloning Alexis or Adam.
He glanced at the family pictures that adorned the walls. His features twisted in a grimace and his eyes squeezed shut.
The happy faces of his loved ones only served to remind him that he could never have them again
A white-hot rage consumed Jack’s thought. He grabbed one of the pictures off the wall. His finger trembled with anger. He tore the picture in half, then tossed the pieces to the ground.
He moved from picture to picture, tearing them all down with a frenzy. His chest heaved with each breath, and his eyes darted around the room to find more pictures. He overturned furniture and tossed aside pillows, just to find more to tear. He wanted to destroy every picture that brought him a sense of nostalgia.
His frustration couldn’t be satisfied by tearing pictures anymore; it was time to burn it. He scattered across everywhere in the house. Bathroom, bedroom, kitchen, even the basement couldn’t avoid Jack’s hunt for the pictures.
He stacked them in a pile next to the fireplace.
The fire flared, casting a faint smell of smoke. Jack lifted the photo of his wife off the mantle. With a sudden motion, he flung the picture into the fireplace. The flames licked at the edge of the picture. The paper crinkled and blackened. He repeated the process with the pictures that remained. As the flames consumed them, it also consumed Jack’s last glimmer of hope.
Jack sat next to the fireplace. He was a hollow shell of a human who exhibited nothing more than a frown.
The fire had spread beyond the fireplace, consuming the carpet and the curtains. Jack didn’t attempt to move, calmness washed over him. He made his peace, and he was going to be buried with his past.
But then a faint cry for help was heard. "Please help me daddy. I'm scared!"
He froze, it was Nicky.
No, it wasn’t Nicky, it was a clone. There was no need to save a clone.
“Why do you leave me dad?”
Jack hesitated once again, torn between his own desire for oblivion and his duty as a father. But as the clone’s cries grew louder, he found himself standing up.
The clone portrayed no characteristics to his previous family, but it was still his creation. He was obliged to protect this clone with his life the minute he made it; whether he liked it or not.
Jack muttered and raced to the stairs. He could feel the heat searing his skin, but he didn’t care.
He reached the top of the stairs and slammed himself into his son’s room. Nicky’s face contorted in the gauze of smoke.
With Nicky cradled in his arms, Jack ran back down the stairs, shielding his son from the flames. He could feel the smoke in his lungs, but he refused to let go of Nicky. He had to get him out of there. He stumbled through the living room, trying to keep his balance as the floorboards buckled beneath him. The front door was just within reach, and Jack lunged for it, his arms aching with the strain of carrying Nicky. He burst through the door and stumbled out into the cold night air, his lungs gasping for oxygen.
The orange and yellow light illuminated the night sky. Smoke billowed out of the windows, and heat radiated from the building.
Nicky clung to Jack, “I knew you’d come to save me at the end, dad.”
He carried Nicky to the car before the Fire Department showed up. “Where do you want to live?”
Ten hours later, as the plane to Puerto Rico leveled out, Jack could feel a sense of stability returning. He reclined his chair.
"Hey dad, can we play a video game?”
"Sure buddy."
“Be prepared to get destroyed.” Nicky smirked.
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This piece is all about coping to traumatic events. Sometimes in life it is all about letting go and moving on from the past. To rewind time or to redo something again may sound precious, but learning from failures and adapting to the new situation is even better.