I am a dog – the most common type of dog, mixed breed, middle size – but the most unusual dog in the world. I am a lucky dog! One night I slept under the stars and a meteor hit me. I thought I would die, but when I woke up the next morning, I turned into a human! Damn! I bet y’all don’t know how excited I was. I was born a poor dog around a human neighborhood, but I wasn’t that kind of pet dog. I didn’t have an owner, nor lived in a big house with comfy carpets, nor have eaten those fancy dog food. I was born in mud; I ate the leftovers in trash cans everyday; and, you see the scar on my face, it was from a serious bully by a group of kids ten years ago when I was a puppy. Although I transformed into a human being, the scar accompanies me. It reminds me every minute and second how inferior and weak I was.  But nevermind, in this human-centric world, I have transformed into a human!

I guess the gift as a dog is to make friends with human beings easily. Soon, I became friends with a man in the neighborhood: he is rich, but bored of rich people. He wants to make fun of the poor ones, so I am a perfect candidate for him: I don’t have a job, nor money, and I am good at catering to the rich people. He is an architect, and he has a girlfriend who is also an architect. Yet I didn’t know what an architect was when he introduced himself. I just kept nodding, “Good, architect, nice, almost gave me a heart attack.” He laughed so loudly that I almost worried that he would run out his breath and die. I don’t want him to die!

You might think that I am stupidly kind: he made fun of me but I still wish him all good. Well, that’s not the case. I have a bad-ass plan! The first time I met him in my human form I realized by his smell that he was the lead kid who kicked me in the face when I was still a dog. His smell was so unforgettable to me: it’s a smell with pure evilness, reminding me of death and rotten bird bodies that I would sometimes see on the street. Oh, the smell that brings it all back to that rainy afternoon. To that alley with dirt and screams. To those kids’ faces like demons. Since then a revenge plan has formed in my head. I know what that guy values: his fame, his reputation, his popularity. He never shows his anomalous fever towards the poor people in front of his social circle. And I am going to be the first dog to take off his mask! 

He didn’t die, and what’s better, he is going to get married to his architect girlfriend! On his wedding day, of course I didn’t receive an invitation, but I transformed back into the dog form and sneaked into the ceremony. I turned into the human form again. By purpose I didn’t shower for a month. I smiled and walked onto the stage while the pastor asked the broom to kiss the bride. I hugged the groom tightly and laughed, “Boy, good job! Daddy is so happy to see all of this!” I saw the bride was terrified. The groom yelled, “Security! Get this random guy out!” But then he began to cough because I smelled too bad.

And his face turned red, either for my smell or for the whisperings in the guests. The security showed up, and I knew it was time to go. “Good son. Bye-bye! See you tonight!” I winked at him. And then I farted – So loudly and so smelly. The gas I released almost turned green. Everyone started coughing and they found it desperate when they realized it wouldn’t help by covering their nose. And me? I turned back into a dog. Who would suspect a cute, common dog? So I walked out with great satisfaction.