As soon as I saw her I knew. She was my other half. It was as simple and complicated as that. People say you go your whole life searching for that person to fill the void. And it’s her. It’s always been. She was the one I was destined to be with since before time. I was positive about it. I was one of those people who believed in soulmates. I believed that there was one person meant for everyone. Whether you ended up with them or they were a fleeting relationship, they will always have a certain hold on you. She was my soulmate. Everything else in my life felt out of control and unsure, but this was something I was sure of. I felt as if my broken pieces and problems all seemed small in comparison because she simply made things better. She put a smile on my face and filled the void in my half beating heart. On a cold Friday night, she sat beside me in my old blue truck. She always told me that this car was one of the perks of being with me. As I stared into her blue eyes, she gave me a nervous smile. She was beautiful, the kind of beautiful that made you stop and stare. Yet you could tell there was some sort of darkness to her. Something not quite right. Perhaps I was just good at reading people but I could tell she had been through a lot. I could tell that if someone only asked, she would have stories that would break your heart. For the past couple of days, this look of sadness was more prevalent than ever. She began to shut down, not only around me but other people. She was distant without being rude, she would simply not talk about anything. Her shoulders became hunched over. The bags from her eyes began to grow from lack of sleep and her clothes became wrinkled. While she put on a facade, her physical appearance gave her away. I could always tell a real smile from a forced one. I was trying to coax the problem out of her, but she always told me not to worry. After a long couple of days trying to get her to talk, I was restless in my bed. I kept worrying. As I put my head on the pillow, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about her, and soon enough I found myself outside her house. I took a deep breath.
“Please, Celia, tell me what’s wrong,” I told her. I can see her falter for a minute, as she considers telling me. All of the sudden, she puts on a big grin just like I knew she would. This is her way of shutting down, she pretends as she is perfectly happy and there is no problem.
“Travis, nothing is wrong. I’m okay. What could be wrong?” She asked me.
“You keep shutting me out. I know when you’re upset,” I told her. She paused and looked outside at the stars.
“Whenever I look at the stars, I feel small and insignificant,” she said so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.
“You may be one person out of the many in this world, and feel as if you don’t matter but you have affected my entire life. You have made my life brighter,” I tell her.
“I’m scared,” she said not looking at me.
“Scared of what?” I asked.
“Of you,” she simply answers. My brain started to race as I tried to figure out why Celia would be scared of me. I started to become sick at the thought of her being scared of me. I know I had never done anything to give her that impression, but I still racked my brain to figure out a way I could make her feel safe. I thought over every action I have ever done around and if it was enough to scare her.
“What do you mean?” I asked even though I was scared to know the answer.
“I know you’re not going to do anything that would hurt me,” she said. I waited for her to explain, and she stayed quiet.  I balled my hands into to fists frustrated that she won’t talk to me.
“Why did you say that then?” I asked.
“I’m scared you will break me,” she said quietly. “I am scared that one day, you’ll move on and I’ll be left picking up the pieces.” She finally looked back at me and I can see the fear in her eyes. I frown at her.
“I would never hurt you on purpose,” I started. “I have messed up in the past, but something about you feels different. You make me a better person. How about this, I will give you pieces of me too so we’re even,” I lightheartedly said with a smile. She laughed quietly and gave me a small smile back. “If I’m being an idiot, please tell me. If you don’t talk to me then nothing will be worked out. You will feel alone, even when you’re with me. I never want you to feel like that,” I told her.
“I know, it’s just hard for me to open up. You know how crazy my home life is and sometimes it makes me want to shut down,” she said. I shook my head at her.
“You can’t though. When you feel as if you’re going to go crazy inside your house, please call me and I will help you escape. I am terrified too you know,” I said. She looked at me, surprise in her large blue eyes.
“Of what?” She asked.
“Of you. I have never felt this way about someone and frankly, it scares me. You’re too good for me, I realize that. Yet, I will not walk away because I care about you too much. That’s what love is. It is trusting that the other person will be careful with your heart just as much as you are with theirs,” I said.
“I won’t hurt you either,” she said. She fully turned to me and took my hand. I could tell she really wanted me to trust in her words.
“You have to trust that I won’t either,” I said.
“Okay,” She gave me a smile, but I could tell it is real this time. “It will be hard, and please be patient with me. I will try for you,” she said.
“That’s all I can ask for,” I told her.
Love is this terrifying feeling that we all want but also shy away from. We want another person to acknowledge us and to fully believe that we are enough. Along the way, many people get hurt but you have to fix your heart and try again. Love is one of the only pure things we can give one another. It is what makes mankind human. Putting your heart into someone’s hands is one of a terrifying thing you can do, but it can fixe wounds. As I look at her, she gave me a large smile and  I can feel her small hand in mine, I know that I trust her. I trust her with all of me, and I will show her she can do the same.