The stars looked so beautiful tonight, almost as beautiful as the night we met; on the terrace at our mutual friend’s party. I believe I found her but no one can be sure of that anymore. We talked for hours about random nonsense that wouldn’t make sense as we relived it when we became sober in the morning. How we had red solo cups in our hand full of the strongest vodka I’ve ever inhaled.
            Now I just lay here, staring at the consolations that stare directly at my face that reminds me of the time we walked on the beach. The beach that had vibrant white sand that the moonlight hit and complimented the sea onto her eyes. How we hid from the police that chased us to a hidden cave buried in the sandy hill. Where her pale rose lips connected with mine for the first time and was held for a couple of seconds.
            Looking next to me, I look at the blanket that was once hers in sweet neon that we laid on. Holding her while she cried; our hair tangling together to create a mixture of red and black. Her tears flowing down as though her eyes were openings that bled waterfalls. The once neon yellow blanket that we laid upon now was a faded gold color that lets my head rest on itself.
            Remembering when I first met her parents, only as a friend of hers. If we were ever together, her parents would hate her. So played the part of her loving friend. We sat in her room for hours just talking about the world around us. At some moment in the night, we had kissed one another. I can’t be sure of who started but I remember who finished it. Her parents.
They started to shun us for our relationship. Shun us for being together. Told us that we were abnormal and that we didn’t belong in society anymore. And as I ran out her house, I heard her screams of pain from the lashes that swept across her back from her dad in the room they found us in. But soon the screaming stopped and she was there, in my midnight blue Ford Fusion and drove off into the darkness of the fallen night.
We rented a secret place on the outskirts of northern Bay City by the docks and gave the landlord everything we had. We stayed hidden from the eyes of the nonbelievers who never gave us one chance. Always told us harsh words as we walked down the streets of the tiny Michigan city that we called our home. But I always told her to keep her head held high so the words may only rub against her armor she wore in stores, walking to our home, finding jobs. Even though she had tried every day to find a job, no one would accept her because of our relationship, just like her parents.
            The night made us forget our own names, yet, I could never forget her beautifully perfect name that matched with the twinkles in her eyes. Luna. How that name reminds me of the stars I look upon every single night from our field that shielded us from the rest of our world. Where we had our first intimate moment which neither of us had ever tried before. How she continuously said my name over and over again as we laid on this same blanket that I lay on now alone.
            The stars tell me of the story about when she first found out about the disease but didn’t inform me in fear that I’d flee. But I would’ve never left her side if she had just told me sooner. This disease had already taken over her delicate lungs and there was no way to stop it because she had informed me late and I couldn’t help her. Even though she said that she wanted to go anyways.
            I would’ve never let her die. And I tried so hard to preserve her as though she was a fossil formed into molds so that she would always be around. I bought her the treatment, but she never wanted it in the first place. I made her inhale the toxic gas day after day in the white room with the other patients only shared one thing. The infection.
            “It’s too far gone. No treatment will help her.”
They had stopped her treatment when her hair had fallen to the ground in clumps of red. I tried my hardest to forget about what was happening to her and instead looked back to the memories of when she was healthy. When tubes and wires weren’t restraining her to this bed she lays on now. When she didn’t cry every night after I left her side about how she would die soon. I instead thought of the moments we already had rather than the ones we could’ve shared in her last moments.
I didn’t know that when I fetched her that ice cream it would be the last thing we talked about. I didn’t realize that I would never see her bedazzled eyes drift upon me anymore. I didn’t realize the last thing I said to her was, “I love you too.”
She didn’t have a funeral because I would’ve been the only one who went to it. I had her cremated like she wanted from the beginning. And I spread her ashes all over the field where we had our first moment together because she said that I was her favorite moment. That I was her only light in the darkness of the world.
The time we spent together, curled up in bed, singing songs about the old days, talking about topics we didn’t even understand, was wasted into memories of our former selves. If she would’ve just told me sooner, maybe we could’ve beat this disease that took over her life. She would’ve lived on and we could go to the LGBT+ parties around the world and had the marriage we planned actually become true. We could’ve had our own kid even though she always said that she was never going to be a great mother. I always knew she would become the best mother but she hated when I told her that. 
Our child would have her eyes, the dimples and freckles that danced across her once pale skin and right onto our child’s. The kid would probably have my personality when they grew up into an older version of their self. She would’ve hated that though because she always wanted our child to like theatre where I love to read comic books.
We would never be able to experience those moments though. I’m not trying to blame her either, I just wish she would’ve told me sooner. And as the water droplets start to fall onto the dew grass around me, I turn over to stare at the black polished weapon sat beside me, calling my name. I resisted it’s call for too long, so this is it. Good bye cruel world, for look what you have done to us.
As Jordan placed one shell into the chamber after the other, she continued to stare at the photo of her and Luna at the party they had first met at. They were smiling and having a fun time, but that was all in the past, and now is the present where Luna was not. Once the bullets were all loaded into place, Jordan directed the gun into her mouth and pointed up towards the sky.
‘Soon, there will be another star, dancing with the others.’ She recited before pulling the trigger and immediately falling back onto the faded blanket which became smeared with red ooze that dripped from her open skull. And as if done by magic, a new star formed in the sky shining brighter that the rest and found her loved one was waiting for her in the stars.