Nothing hurt more, than not knowing what to do when everything was falling apart.

        Alone in the confined corners in my room, I hugged a tear filled pillow to my small frame. My brain tried to rack up answers of why all this would be happening, but I had to come to the conclusion that I was bitterly alone in this. Nobody was going to give me the answers to my questions, and a miracle would not come around this time to change fate.

        Maybe the answer was that we simply did not belong together. Even if I loved him with all my heart and soul.

        It was an answer I didn't want to admit was true. I was too scared to realize what my reality was turning into. I went from being the happy girl who believed she had everything she needed, to the broken girl who believed she was alone.

        Though I knew the last goodbye wouldn't be forever, it sure felt that way.

        He was thousands of miles away, but his voice still rang through my ears. My home was with him, the house I was in was not my home.

        Every minute I sat, waiting till he walked through that door, a smile shining in his eyes. But the longer I waited, the more faith I lost, and the more I grew sure that he wasn't coming back. That his face would only remain a memory in my cluttered mind.

        Friends would drop by, but my mom wouldn't let them upstairs. Knowing I was far too upset to deal with visitors, unless of course, it was her.

        "Zara," my mom spoke softly, slowly opening he bedroom door. I wiped away the fresh tears, and looked up at her. "Hi honey."

        She comes in and sits next to me, pulling her head onto my shoulder. Her hand traces up and down my back, as she kisses the top of my head. Comforting me was the only thing she could do to help.

        "It'll be okay," she whispers.

        Of course I don't believe her. The one who knew the most about me. The one who could ease the pain I was feeling. Not only was he my lover, but my best friend. And it seemed that was all ripped away from me so quickly.

        I had tried my best to shut him out. I thought distancing myself from him, would help it hurt less. But I was wrong. Knowing I could've treated him better, only made it hurt worse. I wasn't the only one hurting, but at the time, I was blind to that.

       My whole life, I believed that I mattered. Somehow, I had managed to live a whole seventeen years, unharmed. I thought that meant, that somehow my being was important. Everyone around me seemed to stick around for the most part. I believed I was invincible. Happiness wasn't always with me, but at least I was breathing.

        Wrong.

        I feel my heart cracking. My lungs ripping in half. I am not magnificent, I am just a breath in the wind. But he was my oxygen. And the love we shared was ripped away without warning, leaving both of us broken in the hands of misery.

         As everything falls about, my brain is working at 70 miles a minute. There must be an answer as to why I can't be left happy. There must be a reason why I'm only allowed to feel pain. Who is the one who lets me suffer?

        Rain falls, water evaporates. Happiness comes, and explodes at once. The sparks, starting flames, and creating a mess you never intended on cleaning up. And as it all falls apart, you see there is nothing left to depend on.

        His heart is still with mine, and it brings all the more pain. 3,475 miles away, yet it feels like he's in a whole other galaxy. I fill the hole in my chest other the love of others, but no one will know their way around me like he did.

        All I want, is endless satisfaction. I'm tired of paying a price to be happy. I'd rather be dead, then basking in sorrow without the boy I love.