Broken | Teen Ink

Broken

March 16, 2014
By Izzy LoNigro BRONZE, Marshfield, Massachusetts
Izzy LoNigro BRONZE, Marshfield, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Liz followed him into the class room. Cautious not to make it noticed how close she stayed to him. She couldn’t sit next to him two days in a row, right? Would that be to obvious? She pushed down the urge to follow him to his seat. Today their would not be any “accidental” touches. So, instead Liz choose the seat across from him. A safer choice. Class went on and Liz got more pinpricks to her heart as the minutes went by. Every time he caught her eye she melted a little inside. When the bell rang, she looked up from her work to gather her things. He gave her a slight kick under the table and caught her attention. He gave her a small smirk and a hand motion to follow him. She walked through the crowded doorway with a white face, but on the inside, she was hardly containing her jitters. He guided her to a small corner and held his finger to his lips. They waited as everyone filtered out of the hallway. Her stomach was alive with butterflies. Her head was telling her to stop, to go to class, to hide herself. But her heart knew he was worth a detention. He leaned in and said, “Well, I hope I’m being to forward.” And than it was all a blur. He grabbed her hips and shocks went down her spine when his soft fingers brushed against her skin. Soon enough she was against the wall. He leaned in real close and paused, and for a second, looked as scared she was. Then, he gave me that small, secret smile and his warmth encompassed her completely. His lips were soft and warm and they melted all the bones in her body. His kiss was small and tender at first. But soon it was more desperate. She felt so weak and strong all at once. Suddenly, she couldn’t stop he was oxygen and she was dying to breathe. She shivered as his finger tips traced her spine, gentle and slow. And then came footsteps from the end of the hall that brought her back to reality. She paused for a moment and he pulled back. Class! She remembered. She gave him a secretive smile of her own as she whispered, “I’ve got to get to class you know.”
“I know,” he replied with a sort of sad hint at the end.
She started to move away but stopped to give him one last kiss. “See you later?” she said as she smiled and walked down the hallway, her body burning with fire, and she didn’t turn back.



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This article has 1 comment.


on Mar. 21 2014 at 11:14 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don&#039;t believe in magic will never find it.&quot; <br /> Roald Dahl

This is basically every girls fantasy! I know it's mine haha. This was a really good story, but the only thing I would say is that I felt like it was too much "telling" and not enough "showing". You know what I mean. I always tell people to "show not tell" cause it's always something that you can always work on. So instead of saying, "she was hardly containing her jitters." Show that she's nervous by saying something like, "She chewed on her lip and her fingers kept intwining around one another as her heart lodged itself in her throat." So yeah that's something. One last thing: I felt like you had too many simple sentences, but that's easy to fix. Use either a comma and a conjunction or add a semi colon (those always make me feel smart haha). Well, I love this piece a lot! Keep up the great writing!