You.
You pathetic little thing. I know you. You're the happy-go-lucky party-animal that is afraid of commitment. You look for excuses to run away from people you know you'll be attached to. And all because you want to have fun, be rich and die at the age of thirty, after running away from your family and having top-to-toe plastic surgery so you can bang as many chicks on the way as possible.
Well good for you.
I wish you the best of luck.


But I have decided to tell you I forgive you, so let me start my day of by spewing a bunch of lies.


So here goes:

1) I forgive you for lying to me. You say I wanted to make you feel wanted. "We met after such a long time and I didn't want to upset you!" You wanted me. I've seen that look in your eyes a thousand times and I know what it means. But in any case I forgive you for telling me that lie.

2) So as an extension of the above, I forgive you for making me feel unwanted, ugly and pathetic when you told me that lie. I forgive you for making me feel ugly after such a long time.

3) I forgive you for making me wait around hoping for days on end. I don't mind anymore that you made me wait for days hoping that you would decide to stay with me. I don't care that my eyes were so full of tears that I banged my head on the corner of a door and tripped over my dog.

4) I forgive you for leading me on. I believed you when you said you loved me and always would. I forgive you for breaking your promise to me.

5) I forgive you moving on while I stayed. I pushed away all my fears because I loved you. I was sure you felt the same way. I forgive you for leaving.




Most of all I forgive you for making me feel beautiful. I won't ever feel as worthless as I once did. I will feel like I deserve better than those guys I see around me because you saw something, even if it wasn't enough to make you stay.

I forgive you for ruining me. I was fine alone and then you showed me what it was like to be in love. I forgive you for making me want a family and company. I was scared of all that but you made me want it. I forgive you for that because you made me dream of it and I know I will never have it.

I forgive you for setting such a high standard. We were beautiful. And now how am I supposed to settle for someone else? How can the only one worthy of me be loneliness?

I forgive you for breaking my heart. I can't do anything besides that. I want for you to have the best in life and if I am not the best, then you should have better.

Forgive me for it all. Forgive me for hurting you. Forgive me for being scared. Forgive me for being insecure. Forgive me for not being understanding. And forgive me for not being content with your friendship- I had your love, how can I settle for less?

Forgive me for loving you, because I sure as hell can't forgive you for making me love you.