The grandfather clock was faintly ticking above me. Outside the autumn leaves spun spirally together until a wind with great force, threw them to all different directions. So far that they would never meet again.

"Maybe dying is a gift," I said to Axel, my voice containing no emotion and words that weren't meant or felt. His neck gave a sharp move toward me. His features where stunned by every vowel and consonant that created my words.

This date was certainly spinning toward a new direction. I knew it would only be minutes until he pushed himself out of that old wooden chair that had belonged to a boy that I once knew and loved. But that boy is dead and he won't ever look at me in the eyes again.

In a matter of seconds Axel will go to the door that he came in through. I know he thought that he would become part of my life, part of me. But he will never be like HIM, never. The boy in front of me will grab the doorknob as if it were a lifesaver. The knob will twist to the command of his fingers. He will go down the steps and not once, will he look back.

BUT I WOULD NOT CARE.

"What," Axel said his eyes round and wide.

"What you heard," I said with a spark of fire in my voice, being daring. Every tick of the clock was telling him go. The clock was my friend, we didn't enjoy his company.

"Why did you ask me out on this date," Axel said, his eyes had depths that contained insecurity, puzzlement, and fear.

"I had nothing better to do," I said my sapphire eyes burning into his being. He couldn't do anything, but look down at the floor where his pride was melting off of him and filling the dark tiled floor.

He said nothing.

"Why did you accept to be on this date with me," my tone probed.

"Because...I don't.....know..."

"That's what thought."

"Because I thought I could love you," the words slipped from his mouth.

I didn't even blink. I had heard that all before.

"I thought you were pretty and great and..." I wanted to slap his face repeatingly. He didn't know anything about me.

"And...," the more uncomfortable I make him feel, the sooner he would leave. And that's what I wanted, right?

"And now I don't think I can."

"You don't think you can't do what?"

"Love you."

"And...," another spark of fire, just enough to make him run away from the little wildfire that was about to begin.

"I'm getting out of here."

I didn't bother to look up. I stood up slowly and went to the back door. Behind me I could hear Axel close the door front with a fine click.

I took off my slippers once I opened the door. I went down the cool steps letting the shark rocks poke roughly at my tender skin, but I didn't care: the end was almost here: My end.

I looked up at the tree. Only five leaves remained attached to the weak branches. The clock ticked in my head. This is it.

I laid down on the prickly grass, letting it indent patterns and stories into my skin. The five leaves on the tree fell off in a slow pace.

I WAS GONE.