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We were best friends. We did everything together- hide and seek, went to the dentist for the first time, almost got ourselves killed when we went exploring in the woods. And then I went and messed it all up by telling him I loved him.
I loved his light brown hair that covers the birthmark on his forehead. I loved the way his whole face lit up when he smiled. I loved h is rich brown eyes with specks of gold that seemed to stare straight into my soul. And oh god how i loved his laugh. The sweetest, deepest, and most lovely sound i ever heard that rings in my ears even after he stops. I loved him so much.
Of course he agreed to go out with me. He never thinks about himself. And yet he was with me, the most selfish human being on earth who couldn't even make the one she loved happy.
I had never felt so guilty for basically putting a collar on him and holding onto the leash shouting "He's mine! Don't touch him!" everywhere we went. I glared at every girl he talked to, looked at, or even passed by in the hall on the way to class. And yet i never even noticed his tight eyes and sullen expression each and every time.
What happened to that gorgeous smile? What happened to the laugh that I used to look forward to each and every morning? I had stripped all of his happiness by calling him "mine". How despicable I am.
But I only came to realize these things when he met her. Olivia Loraine. The most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. The most beautiful girl anyone had ever seen.
The most beautiful girl my beloved had ever seen.
She had silky black hair that shines under any light and flutters elegantly behind her upper back in waves of grace. She was tall and thin, and looked like a model when she walked by, making all eyes follow her incredible figure. Her skin was a flawless and had the perfect tan that every girl would die for. But most of all, the thing I envied her the most for was her deep, striking blue eyes. It was the most beautiful shade of blue that any man would immediately be entranced with.
But as she gracefully walked by us in the halls, I saw her glimpse at my beloved Adam. I could see their eyes lock, and in that moment I felt the light that emanated from them. Everyone in the hall froze and gasped at their brilliant encounter.... I was horrified.
Olivia's expression was suddenly fascinated, and then that expression was replaced with curiosity. Adam's face was just as amazed, and they stared at each other with sudden longing. But Olivia was the first to break away after what seemed like an eternity as I was completely distraught throughout the whole scene. She became aware that he was watching her in the same way she was watching her, and she became self-conscious. Her face quickly became a soft shade of pink as she turned away.
Adam grabbed her upper arm swiftly but gently, using the arm I had always protectively loosely gripped with my right hand wherever we went. Olivia turned her head in surprise, but then her lips curved into a gentle smile as she saw Adam's eyes which seemed to say "I'm not letting you go,"
Oh no. My right hand came up to my face as I covered my agape mouth in terror. I could only imagine my horror-struck expression. My hands got sweaty and my mind was blank. Heat rushed to my head as my entire body was overcome in shivers. I was stuck in the middle of disbelief and despair. I wanted to reach for Adam, to pull him away from this girl who I already knew had him around her long and dainty little finger. But darkness swept over me, pulling me deeper away from my beloved and I lost him.
I woke up in the nurse's office with Adam sitting next to the white mattress I was on. There was a curtain around us, and the window on my right let in so much sunlight it hurt my eyes. Adam didn't notice that I was conscious. His eyes were far away, staring out the window in wonder. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen such a beautiful smile spread across his face. And that thought made my vision get blurry and I knew what I needed to do.
"Adam," I whispered softly. I hadn't spoken to him like this in a long time. This caught him by surprise. He jumped a little in his seat and all his attention was on me now.
"Emma? Oh god, why are you crying?" he asked, his eyes were full of concern. I hated that. I should never have made this beautiful face concerned. I should have made it happy and joyful, without a care in the world. Like Olivia. I had not noticed that tears were flowing out of my eyes like a waterfall, and I didn't care. I had something to say to my dearly beloved.
"Adam," I stroked his face endearingly, which I had never done since we first started dating. "Adam my beloved," I crooned as I began to brush my fingers through his hair. He must have thought I was insane by now. "Adam I'm so sorry," I said, still brushing through his soft brown hair.
"Why are you sorry Emma?" Adam said softly, still concerned. I finally realized he loved me as a brother, a best friend. Not a lover. Not in a million years. New tears welled up on my eyes.
"I'm sorry I loved your smile. I'm sorry I loved your laugh. I'm sorry I loved the way you would tell me stories. I'm sorry I loved the way you'd sing me to sleep after we'd watched a scary movie. I'm sorry I loved the way you'd come over asking me about homework, because I know you hate asking for help," I nearly started bawling. Adam hugged me and pat my back as a cried some more.
"Shh, shh, shh," he comforted me. "it's okay, it's okay, Em." he started humming softly in my ear. But I wasn't done yet. I pulled away from his embrace. I looked him straight in the eye.
"No, it's not okay, Adam. I'm so sorry," I wiped away the tears on my face, and pointlessly brushed away tears that had already soaked into his jacket. "I'm sorry I was so selfish. I'm sorry that I never thought enough about what YOU wanted, and I couldn't make you happy. But most of all," I started tearing up again. "I'm sorry I love you,"
Adam held my head in his big, warm hands and his eyes were tight. "And don't you dare say you love me, Adam. I'm not in the mood for lies right now," I smiled a little, so he knew we were still friends. His eyebrows scrunched together in pain, because I probably had the most pathetic expression on my face.
"I know you like her," I said, still looking at him straight in the eye. I leaned closer and whispered, "and that's why..." I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him one last time. I made sure he couldn't see the countless tears streaming down my face as I put my lips to his ear and said, "I'm letting you go," my voice cracked at the last word.
He gripped my wrists from behind his head and unwrapped them so he could push me away a little to see my face. His eyes were wide in disbelief, worry, and relief all at the same time. I pushed him away, out of the curtains and turned toward the window so he couldn't see my face.
Outside the window, I saw a beautiful girl sitting on the school bench. So that was what he was looking at. I turned and forced the best smile I could and told him to go to her. Hesitantly, he turned away toward the door. I heard him say "thank you, Em" before his footsteps ran through the hall and out of the building to meet his beloved.
And that, my child, was the story of how my first love began to love your Aunt Olivia. And then Olivia became my friend, and I met Michael, your daddy. And thats why we all think it was fate that brought us all together :)