To this day, I still don’t understand why you put up with it. To this day, I still don’t understand why you couldn’t read the signs. To this day, I wonder why this happened to you. To this day, I still don’t understand why you didn’t pick me.

Unlike them, I thought you were more than just a hot girl – I found you beautiful. Unlike them, I loved the sound of your voice, not just the movements of your body. Unlike them, I realized that you were a person, not just something to posses. Unlike them, I actually cared about you. To this day, I still don’t understand why you didn’t pick me.

I can’t grasp why you took that first tentative drag with them. I can’t grasp why you agreed to go out with them all those times, even though they often ended the same, horrible way. I can’t grasp why you let them touch you like that. I can’t grasp why you left to make that same mistake under the bleachers again. To this day, I still don’t understand why you didn’t pick me.

Why didn’t you tell me about the baby as soon as you knew? Why didn’t you tell me about the abuse as soon he touched you? Why didn’t you tell me about the infection as soon as you found out? Why didn’t you tell me about the addiction as soon it started? I could’ve helped – I would have given everything to help. Instead, you picked him; the one who started the whole mess. To this day, I still don’t understand why you didn’t pick me.

I’m sorry I turned away from you for awhile, but I came back. I didn’t come back to my best friend, though. Last week when I saw you, you were a different person. You used to be beautiful; both inside and out – now you can’t look at your own daughter without shame.

Now I kneel at your grave with tears sliding down my cheeks, wondering why, why, why. I balance your little girl on my hip and we’re both respectfully quiet for you. You used to like the quiet. That was before you found the thrill of those wild parties that you always “forgot” to invite me to. That’s okay – I’m glad I didn’t go.

I look around and don’t see any of those guys who lied and said that they loved you. I only see the miniature version of you in my arms. Your parents didn’t even come. You told them that you could do whatever you wanted and you didn’t care about them, remember?

I wonder how your life would’ve turned out if you’d just listened to me. I wonder how your life would’ve turned out if you had just said no. I wonder how you’re life would’ve turned out if you had respected yourself as much as I did. I wonder how your life would’ve turned out if you had just picked me.