A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend | Teen Ink

A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.


The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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This article has 238 comments.


on Aug. 12 2011 at 9:27 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)

L.B.C.. BRONZE said...
on Aug. 12 2011 at 12:54 am
L.B.C.. BRONZE, Muskegon, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Only you can be the change you want to see in the world." - Ghandi

I love this piece, one of the few works I have seen on here that has made me laugh!

on Aug. 11 2011 at 7:14 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)  I'm glad you like it.

on Aug. 11 2011 at 7:13 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 378 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

I love this :) The humor is great and it made me laugh the whole way through! I especially love the part about the seasonal Filipino workers.

on Aug. 11 2011 at 9:27 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I did?  Sweet!  Thanks for commenting! :)

LovelySerena said...
on Aug. 11 2011 at 7:31 am
LovelySerena, Dededo, Other
0 articles 8 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul. ~Emily Dickinson

I have two little sisters and one little brother, so obviously I'm the oldest. I love them, and this article is what I would send to my sister's futur boyfriend. Well-written and funny. Keep writing.

 

(By the way, if you don't know, you won first place in my Writing Contest).


on Aug. 9 2011 at 7:03 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks!  :)

on Aug. 9 2011 at 1:45 pm
DancingInTheRain SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 0 photos 5 comments
Excellent! These are the kind of things I would tell my little sister's boyfriend to be afraid of.

on Aug. 7 2011 at 9:03 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks you very much!  I'm glad you liked it. :)

on Aug. 7 2011 at 9:01 pm
baaaaaaaaaab BRONZE, Clemmons, North Carolina
1 article 0 photos 15 comments
I love this! It has a great mix of humor and truth in it. Its never really boring either, I really admire you for that.

on Aug. 7 2011 at 3:32 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Aw, thanks!  I'm glad you and your siblings enjoyed it. :)

on Aug. 7 2011 at 6:51 am
Eno_Bladez GOLD, Williamsport, Pennsylvania
16 articles 1 photo 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
it'll be okay, if it's not okay it's not over.

wow. that brightened my morning. i let my brother and my sister read it and they were both laughing. good job!! :P

on Aug. 4 2011 at 9:56 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you!  I'm glad you liked my threatening letter.  :)

on Aug. 4 2011 at 7:51 pm
KayleeRae PLATINUM, Arvada, Colorado
34 articles 49 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Either write something worth doing or do something worth writing."

This is super funny... probably because it's so serious :)

I don't have a little sister, I am one. But I could see a big sister (Maybe you, though I don't really know you haha) sending a completely fictional letter such as this to her sister's boyfriend. Just to scare him off. Haha.

Good job, very unique and entertaining!


on Aug. 3 2011 at 7:21 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)

on Aug. 3 2011 at 7:20 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you!  I'm glad people think it's funny, especially since it's 100% true. :)

on Aug. 3 2011 at 7:11 pm
SweetPolarBearHugs PLATINUM, New York, New York
27 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All conflict in literature is, in its simplest form, a struggle between good and evil." - unknown author.
"All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream." - Edgar Allan Poe

No problem:)

on Aug. 3 2011 at 6:34 pm
M.Trainor SILVER, Pataskala, Ohio
7 articles 0 photos 16 comments
Very original : ) Good going!

on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:15 pm
exactly. i have a younger brother. drives me crazy and i often wish he wasn't related, but if he were truly in trouble or bad relationship i would help him.

on Aug. 3 2011 at 3:15 pm
Love.Hate.Passion., Spring Valley, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~
~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~
~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than
a distant memory.~

Bahaaaahaaa. This is comedy at it's best. It's hilarious. Love it !