The shot heard around MY world | Teen Ink

The shot heard around MY world

June 14, 2010
By krzykrys GOLD, Baldwinsville, New York
krzykrys GOLD, Baldwinsville, New York
15 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
i have many favorite quotes

You know the shot heard around the world? Does anyone know if someone died from that? Was that the last thing someone ever heard? The last thing you and I heard was a shot from your Dad, of all people. Then everything went black.
You were just another kid in a new school, you came off as one of those arrogant guys so full of yourself I was surprised you weren’t choking. I was wrong. You were kind but I never thought much more – until the boardwalk.
That night my friend made me go in line for one of those dorky swan rides that everyone called the tunnel of love. She had a boyfriend so then I was stuck going alone. That is until you plopped down next to me. You asked “is this okay?” I said sure but it didn’t matter what my answer was, we had already started to move.
We talked back and forth not about anything too important but with more ease than I would have thought possible. You were handsome, and I knew you knew, but still when you called me beautiful I felt the need to say you too. You just laughed though and said thanks. I liked the sound of your laugh. When the ride stopped and we got off I was expecting us to part our separate ways again, but we didn’t. You stayed with me.
After that it became clear we had a lot in common. We went bowling and even fishing but I couldn’t tell you what our first date was. We didn’t have one. Like so many things I know where it ended and the things in the middle but I can’t remember the beginning. Suddenly it was just understood, we were together. It could have begun the moment you sat next to me or when you first took my hand. All I know is there you were, surrounding my life in your effortless glow.
We cared for each other but no couple is perfect. We had our share of fights over the many months we dated. Some were dumb, like about your funny haircut? I learned secrets about you, and you about me. Yours were more deadly though. Things you didn’t want me to see.
I knew things were rough and when you called that night to cancel the date. The one you were so excited for – to finally say the three magic words – I knew something was up. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone to your house; I wouldn’t be where I am now. In this hospital, because I fainted when I pulled up and jumped out running when I saw your father near you, holding a gun. I saw you shot dead. I tried to protect you from the hurt and abuse. I loved you and will always love you. But the only thing left to say is I said you should tell.

The author's comments:
whenever i start writing a short story with a lot of conversations, it becomes to long so i tryed something different. i got the idea to try no conversations from another short story, but dont worry the story is 100% originally mine. so thanks! please comment.

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This article has 5 comments.

on Jun. 21 2010 at 6:18 pm
cheyenneduhon PLATINUM, Lumberton, Texas
31 articles 0 photos 144 comments
I really loved this. I have seen relationships like this, and I love how your piece seemed so alike to those relationships i have seen with my own eyes. This was powerful and inspring, if you ever have a few free minutes, i would love you to look at some of my pieces. Your opinion would mean a lot to me. Keep writing!

on Jun. 20 2010 at 8:04 pm
ashkash95 SILVER, New Hyde Park, New York
9 articles 0 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8

I think it was more powerful without the dialogue! This was absolutely amazing! :)

krzykrys GOLD said...
on Jun. 18 2010 at 10:16 pm
krzykrys GOLD, Baldwinsville, New York
15 articles 0 photos 51 comments

Favorite Quote:
i have many favorite quotes

thanks! i wasnt sure if it would come across as well, but i think it cam out better then most of my other stories ive written. your imput means a lot!

on Jun. 17 2010 at 10:32 am
Savvy_ PLATINUM, Houston, Texas
21 articles 11 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
Call up the locksmith,
Tell him we need him quick,
We've got a million keys,
None of them seem to fit.

Awh. This was great, even without all the dialogue. I still ended up feeling the emotion and all.

on Jun. 17 2010 at 9:55 am
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker
We cannot change the cards we're dealt just how we play the hand
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted
It's pretty easy to be smart when you're parroting smart people
-Randy Pausch

Wow, this was great!  I REALLY liked it!  Nice job.  And it was fine without dialogue.

Btw, will you check out and comment on my work?