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Flirting With Fractions MAG
One-eighth of me, or maybe a tenth, is acutely aware of the approximately 22 inches that separate your shoulder and mine. One casual shift later, I'm four inches closer. I can always just blame it on your magnetic force pulling me in.
One or two-fifths of me is analyzing your body language subtly. Have you inched closer to me, or is it just wishful thinking? I'm simply an academically inclined girl, dull next to your golden shine. The odds are not in my favor.
At least one-fourth of me is wishing something would happen already. There's a fair probability that all this waiting will amount to nothing. Is this all just a waste of time? I hesitate to hypothesize.
A good third of me is now close to hyperventilating. Your arm is brushing mine. Either you moved closer or I did, subconsciously. It could be both.
One-half to three-fourths of me is now debating what to do next. My options are laid out, and for once I have no clue. Why don't they teach us this in school, rather than theorems and formulas and all those facts that I so studiously memorize? There is no logical decision. Logic has gone out the window. What a scary world this is.
It turns out I don't have to decide because suddenly you reach for my hand. Or maybe I reach for yours. The details are unclear at this point.
But 100 percent of me likes it.
JOIN THE DISCUSSION
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Simon Cowel feedback--you asked for it!
The only thing i noticed was a comma after "did" in the paragraph "A good third... both." which I think should be a semicolon or dash.
Other than that, the only thing that I noticed that might be wrong with this piece is the math--does it all add up? Probably, but I didn't feel like adding all those fractions. And I don't think anyone else would bother checking either :)
One-hundred percent of me liked this piece too. From the begining I felt that it was very poetic, and I wasn't sure where you were going with it, but the middle hooked me, it kept me very interested, and the ending was incredible. It tied everything together wonderfully and made me want to see more, but at the same time it gave me the freedom to imagine what happens next--and in this situation since it's flirting that is perfect because different people have different ideas of what people do while/after flirting and it's wonderful to allow their romantic imaginations run off with them.
But as much as I liked this piece, I have to agree with Imagine dangerous. The title could be better--should be better. In my opinion more mysterious. However I think the setting is absolutely fine the way you made it because like I said it allows the reader to imagine more. The only thing I would change is the title. Great job--I'm going to have to give this 5 stars because the title could only take away half a star but I'll round up for a great, creative story which (I have to admit as much as I hate math,) is on of my favorites. :)
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"A small group of thoughtful people could change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."- Margaret Mead
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