I lay in my bed every night, staring at my window. Wishing you would come back through like you used to. I know its wrong and that it isn’t going to happen, but it never stops me from hoping.


I keep that razor blade you tried to take away so many times right next to my bed, it wouldn’t have mattered if you did take it though, I have more. I keep them as a reminder of you trying to help me. I wait for the day when I get it out again. You always understood it. You were the only one who did. But I had to tell you over and over that it was like the only pain I could control until you finally in.


And I remember you telling me over and over that I was your only reason for staying here, well alive at least. You really did hate your life, but I never believed you.


I was in love with you. I always had been, since the day we met. I don’t know what made me say it. I’m sorry I ever did, though. I told you to go away and never to speak to me again. So you walked away but you gave me that note that I still have that said you had one last thing to say to me. So I found you that day after school, expecting your usual long and repetitive speeches that always made me go back to you, but it wasn’t. it was only five words that I can hear in my head as if it was yesterday that you were standing with me in front of the school. “I will love you forever”. you gave me the last kiss you would ever give me and walked away.


I still remember that night. The gun shot from across the street, the screams from you family, the sirens and lights. Then nothing. I was in a hole so deep it seemed I could never get out of. So I have one last thing to say to you too. “I will love you forever, but I want to ask one thing from you….. Will you wait for me?”