“What did you think would have been?
Did you think we could have run away together? Like in all the movies and books that you
so cherish? Did you think we would have a happily ever after where we’re unbothered by
the expectations of society and the people around us?
Did you actually believe that this thing between us would ever turn into more? Did you
think I would see you instead of all your friends? Did you conjure up fantasies of us sharing
milkshakes at three in the morning? Did you cry yourself to sleep, telling yourself false lies
of love between us? Did you think one day I would wake up in the morning and declare my
love to you?
Did you ever think we would be more than just friends?
Because if so you were wrong. We were never meant to be more than just friends. There’s
nothing between us. I love you and I would sacrifice my life for you but that’s because
you’re my best friend and at this point you’re practically a sister to me.
But you’re not a lover.
I’m not going to plant kisses all over your face and touch you in ways that nobody else has
ever touched you before. I will listen to your sad stories at midnight and I will hold you but
it will be brotherly affection.
I’m not denying that I care about you. I’m not denying that whenever something happens to
me, you’re the first person I want to tell. I’m not denying that half the movies I watch
remind me of you.
But I’m denying the fact that we were meant to be. That fate had a grand plan for us in
store and I was just biding my time.
Whatever it is between us isn’t going to change. Not for a long time. Not forever. We’re
gonna stay the same way we are, me being the Leo Valdez to your Piper McLean character.
I’m never going to be your Jason Grace. And I’m sorry if that hurts but that’s the truth. All of
it.”
Except it wasn’t. The truth was far from that. In fact it was the exact opposite of that. The
truth was that he wanted to hold her tightly to his chest and never let go. The truth was
that he wanted nothing more than to plant kisses all over her face and touch her in ways
that nobody had ever touched her before.
But that wasn’t possible. Not in this life and not in any of the lives to come.
And so this was for the best. Make her believe that he had never really loved her, instead of
trying to give her false hope that they could escape the big burden of responsibility and
duty. Because he knew that if given the choice she would give it all up for him in an instant.
He just wasn’t sure he could do that.
He could see the impact his words were having on her. At first her face just contained
disbelief but when she realized that he wasn’t taking any of it back - even though he so
badly wanted to do just that - an expression of horror rippled across her features. She put
her hand to her mouth and screamed but no sound came out. Her hair shook free of it’s
clips but she didn’t push it away, just stared at him with such an expression of hurt that he
looked away. A second more and he would have crumbled to his knees, begging for
forgiveness and smoothening her worries away.
His training was way too good though. He just stood there resolutely, not daring to look at
her. Eventually though he heard her getting up and then her footsteps echoed away from
the room.
Then he dared to look up. His breath caught in his throat.
She hadn’t left at all. She was standing in front of him, barely an inch of space between
them. How she had crept so close without him noticing he had no idea, but that was just
her. She could do anything and she would if given the choice.
He could feel her breath. She wasn’t meeting his eyes but the tension between them was so
strong it emanated all around him.
“Just this once. Please,” she whispered. If she hadn’t been standing two inches away from
him he wouldn’t have even heard her.
“I can’t I really ca-”
“Please.”
He sighed. This would lead to nothing good. “I’m sorry Julia. I’m just… not into it.”
The waves of hurt coming from her felt like tangible strings that wound around him and
pulled him against her. But he closed his eyes and let everything settle into the big black
void in his heart.
This time he made sure that she actually left the room. He saw her leave the room and exit
down the corridor. And when she turned around the corridor without a final look at him,
that was when he knew it was real.
She wasn’t coming back.
He would never see her again.
And then the big black void exploded