I hate you for this. I hate that you gave up on us. On me. On our future marriage. Our future kids. Our hopes and dreams. I tried to give you another chance to save all of this. I tried to be what you wanted, but like you said, I’m not. I’m not what you want. Was I really your first love then? You were mine. You were my first for a lot of things.

    I don’t understand. I don’t get how one day you can just decide you don’t want the person you said you would marry one day. I don’t get how you’re okay with never having me, holding me, touching me, or kissing me, ever again. I don’t understand how you can break my heart two days before Christmas. I don’t get how you can break my heart into fraction sized pieces, when I gave it to you completely. I thought it was safe with you. Guess I was dead wrong. You said you had to do what’s best for you, but I thought that I was.

    It’s not fair. You shouldn’t be allowed to say you love me, if you don’t want to be with me. It’s not fair that all I’m left with is a broken heart and haunting memories that play back like an old fashioned, black and white love story. I don’t think it’s fair that you changed my mind about things I thought so passionately against. It’s not fair that you changed me and left. It’s not fair that you didn’t want to try to fight for us, after all we’ve been through. Through all our ups and downs you’ve stayed. What changed?

    It haunts me in my sleep wondering what you’re doing. If you’re home safe, if you’re out with some girl, or hanging out with your boys. I know I need to let you go, but I can’t stop worrying about you. Even if I can’t have you, I want the best for you. Even if what’s best for you isn’t me. I still don’t understand, but I know one day I will. One day I’ll be okay. It may take some time, but one day I will be okay.