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Flirting With Death
The first time I met Death, I was only 9. We were on our way to the store, my mom and I. It was only a few miles from our apartment, we’d driven there a hundred times before. But this time, we didn’t make it.
My seatbelt got jammed when we were hit, and I was trapped, crying, the tears mixing with the blood smeared on my cheek running down from a cut above my eyebrow. I could see her, slumped forward over the steering wheel. She didn’t move, no matter how many times I called out. A high ringing filled up my ears, the only thing able to surpass it were my sobs.
Suddenly, all was quiet, as if someone had sat on the mute button. Everything went cold, so sharp that I shivered in surprise. That’s when I saw him. A man, wearing a large black robe, the hood pulled up to cover everything but the lower half of his face. He moved right through the wreckage, stopping next to my mother. I tried to tell him to leave her alone, but I couldn’t move. I could only watch as he bent down and scooped her up in his arms. She looked peaceful somehow, asleep. Only, she was still slumped over the steering wheel.
He started to leave, I knew, to go somewhere I couldn’t follow. “Wait!” my voice squeaked out. I wanted to go with her.
Turning, I could feel his eyes look into mine, a small smile ghosting his face. “Don’t worry Eve Perenna. It’s not your time yet.” His voice was strange, silky and sweet, not what I would have expected. It calmed me somehow, as if I had just drank a mug of hot chocolate. I blinked, and he was gone.
* * *
It was several years before I saw him again. After my mother died I was sent to live with my grandmother. The next 9 years were full of couponing and getting dragged along to bingo night. I knew she did her best, but nothing could replace the emptiness that the accident had left in me. I couldn’t wait to get out of there.
I met him again the first time I went skydiving. I was 18 by then, having just graduated high school. It was hard, not having my mom there to watch me accept my diploma, and instead of getting drunk with my friends, like they suggested, I decided to jump out of a plane.
12,500 feet up in the air, I tipped forward and push off with my feet. My breath was snatched away by the wind, my stomach leaping into my throat. Wind howled in my ears, and I laughed out loud, feeling free for the first time in years. Enjoying the rush of free falling, I watched the ground grow larger, not wanting to open my shoot. There was nothing but me and the sky. I could have stayed that way forever.
Suddenly it was all gone. The sky, the wind, the noise. There was only darkness. Startling sudden darkness. And silence. My feet were back on the ground, and blinking, I tried to take in my surroundings. Surprised, I found myself in a park. There were trees and pathways. The only sound came from the trickling of a fountain, sitting with benches sitting around it. Behind me, there was a wall, so tall I couldn’t see what was behind it. The only entrance was a large, locked gate. The air was still, and yet goosebumps rose on my arms. The truly unusual thing about this place was that there was no color. Everything was dark and grey, like I had stepped into one of those black and white films my mom and I used to watch. Somehow, I didn’t feel afraid. I was unusually at peace, even when I discovered that I wasn’t alone.
I recognized him the moment I saw him. He hadn’t changed at all, the black cloak still obscuring most of his face, his pale skin almost glowing beneath it. His name came to me, as if I had known him my whole life. Death.
I found myself staring at him, looking completely stupid I’m sure. He finally broke the silence, “Aren’t you going to ask?”
“Um,” I took a half step back, confused. Something was off. “Ask what?”
“You know,” he started to walk around me, making me turn. “Ask if you’re dead. ‘Am I dead?’ ‘There must be some mistake!’ ‘I can’t die, I’m not ready!’” He mimicked others in a higher voice, startling me out of my trance.
“Your voice is different!” It had lost it soothing tone, and now sounded like it could belong to any guy in America.
He turned back to me, smiling. “I didn’t think you’d notice. We met so long ago, and you were so little back then.”
I waited, but he clearly wasn’t planning on elaborating. “So why is it different?”
I could tell that he was amused when he answered. “You have a job, don’t you? Don’t you use a different voice when talking to customers?”
I worked at Target. “Yeah, I guess.” I definitely had a work voice, a more peppy tone I only used when helping someone.
“I’m not going to talk to sacred little girls like this. I discovered that my other voice calms people, which really makes my job easier.”
I guess that made sense. “Sorry, I never really thought of death as…”
“A person?”
I shrugged, walked past him to look into the fountain. A part of me knew I needed to get out of this place, but I wasn't ready to go.
“So you're really not going to ask?”
I looked back at him, ready to be annoyed that he was teasing me, but stopped at his eager tone. He sounded like a child trying to play a prank, and, figuring he didn’t get a lot of opportunities, gave in with a sigh. “Am I dead?”
A boyish grin spread across his face. “No! You're perfectly fine, although you may want to get your shoot open soon.”
“Then what is this?” I leaned against the fountain, facing him. Skepticism creeped into my voice. “What am I doing here?”
He sighed, fidgeting with his cloak. Death, fidgeting. “It's kinda hard to explain-”
“Try.”
He sighed, clasping his hands in front of him. “Have you ever heard the phrase, ‘staring death in the face’?”
I frowned. “Yes…”
“It’s an amusing saying, isn't it? It’s used to describe a dangerous situation, like say, jumping out of a plane. People can either see their life flash before their eyes or literally stare me in the face.”
“So those aren’t just expressions?”
He paused, considering. “Expressions are a powerful thing, more powerful than people realize.”
I took this in, taking a moment to look closer at my surroundings. My mom had taken me to Central Park in New York once when I was a kid. This could almost be the spitting image of it, but there were no skyscrapers in the distance.
Death broke the silence. “Normally people just catch a glimpse of me. But I can talk to them if I want too.”
I narrowed my eyes. “So why did you choose to see me?”
He smiled that smile again, the one that made my heart jump to my throat. “You ask a lot of questions.”
“Is that you’re way of saying that you’re not going to tell me?”
“Not yet. Besides, it looks like our time is almost up.” The world around me was starting to swirl, the park disappearing into a mist. I could feel the ground vanishing beneath my feet, wind starting to whip again in my hair. “Until next time.”
* * *
I wasn’t sure what to make about my visit with Death. After I went skydiving, I decided to take a year off before college to travel, see the world. I found myself longing for that rush of adrenaline, the sensation of forgetting everyone and everything.
The next time we ran into each other, I was rafting in the Amazons. Then I was running with the bulls in Spain. After a few months, it surprised me to realize that Death had become one of my closest friends.
We talked mostly about my life, but I got to know Death too. One day in particular, in fact. I was bungee jumping off the Niouc Bridge when I found myself back with him. We liked to sit on one of the benches by the fountain and talk for a bit. I asked him how he had become Death.
“I was hired.” He shrugged and stared off into the distance, under his cloak. “I don’t really remember it very well, or anything before it. I just remember someone telling me how things work, what I had to do. It sounded like a pretty great job, actually. Getting to be there and comfort people when their time has come. It’s nice to know I’m helping them.”
I swung my legs back and forth, watching the dirt below me scatter. “But without you, wouldn’t everyone not die? Wouldn’t that be a good thing?”
He tilted his head, pulling his mouth into a thin line. “People would definitely still die,” he decided. “But without Death bringing them here, they would probably disappear forever.”
I nodded my head, thinking. Then I glanced at him. “So when you say someone told you what to do, did they also tell you about the whole having conversations with living people thing?”
He chuckled, “No that I figured out on my own. I like my job, but it can get lonely.” I went to bump his foot with mine, but I stopped myself. He had told me the second time we met that I couldn’t touch him, or him me. If he did, I wouldn’t be able to go back to the real world. Instead, I kicked some dirt up in his direction. “Well, it’s good to know that all I’m good for is keeping you company.”
He laughed, turning toward me. “You’re definitely good for more than that.”
I felt blood rush to my cheeks and looked away, changing the subject. “So, you don’t remember anything before this? Do you know if you were ever actually a living person?”
He looked away, and his voice came out softer. “No, I don’t. Maybe I was, at some point. But it’s probably better that I don’t remember.”
“Hey Death?”
“Yeah?”
I turned towards him. “It’s too bad we didn’t know each other in life. I think we would have made a pretty good team.”
He smiled at me. “Yeah, me too.”
* * *
Sometimes it was hard to live like this. It got pretty lonely at times, making me think it was time to go home and give this life up. But every time I saw him, every doubt I had vanished from my mind.
Then one day, I was back in New York, walking towards Central Park. I was almost there, stuck at a light with a group of people. An old woman dropped her purse, and another woman bent down to help her pick them up. I knew I should help too, but I couldn’t bring myself to. That’s when I saw it happen. A small dog ran into the street, a small girl chasing it. Her mom was still distracted with the old woman’s purse. As if in slow motion, I saw a car speeding towards the girl, not noticing her in enough time to stop. Adrenaline coursing through me, I stepped off the curb, into the street.
Then I was in the park. Death sat on a bench, his head in his hands.
“Please don’t.” His voice came out in a whisper so soft I could barely hear it. “Don’t do this. Don’t die.”
I came over to him, taking my place on his right side. “You know I have to. I have no other choice.”
“No.” He looked up, his voice sounding desperate. “There’s always a choice. You could leave. There must be another way.”
I shook my head. “That little girl has a family, a whole life ahead of her. I can’t stand there and watch her die.”
He shook his head. “Please, you don’t understand. Once you go on, into the afterlife, I can never see you. We would never see each other, ever again.”
I could feel my eyes tearing up. “We knew this wouldn’t last forever. You have to do your job, and I have to do mine.” It’s not like anyone will miss me.
“I’ll miss you.” It’s as if he read my thoughts. “I know you think no one cares about you, but I do Eve. Please, you could live for me.”
“I care about you too. But I can’t live like this anymore!” I paused, taking a deep breath as tears began to trickle down my cheeks. “It’s time I saw you for the right reason.”
“What if,” he turned to me, desperation creeping into his voice, “you stayed here? I can touch you, and you’ll never have to leave. We could be together.”
For a second, I was tempted too. Escaping all my pain to stay here, hovering between life and death. But then I thought of the little girl, and the pain her mother would feel if I her to die. “I can’t. I’m so sorry.”
He stood up, letting out a sharp cry of frustration. “I hate this! I can’t even hug you goodbye.”
“We don’t have to say goodbye yet.” I gazed intently into his eyes. “When you come get me, you’ll be able to hold me. We’ll still get to see each other, one last time.”
He sighed, his voice dropping. The intensity was gone, replaced with defeat. “Before you go back, I have to know.”
I waited as he looked at his hands, then back up at me.
“If it had been different, if we had both been alive together, do you think-” He paused. “Do you think it could have worked out between us?”
I gazed into his eyes and nodded. The park started to fade away. My chest started to swell, feeling like my heart would bursts. “I love you!” I called out desperately, wanting him to know.
I could barely make out his face as it drained away, but I heard his voice. His beautiful, beautiful voice. “I love you too.”
I found myself back on the street. Pushing off the sidewalk, I grabbed the girl, throwing her to the other side. I heard a scream and felt the car crash into me, sending me flying. Pain blinded me as I crashed back into the ground. For a second, I lied there, afraid that the pain would consume me forever. Then the world finally slipped away into a blissful nothing.
* * *
Everything turned white. I always heard that it would turn black in the end, but it was white. A pure, new white. Then suddenly, it was gone. I found myself back in the garden. Our garden. The one I shared with Death. But something was different. It was no longer all grey and dark, but bright and vibrant with color. I was surprised to see that the bench we always sat on was in fact blue. It was all so beautiful. But I was alone. Death wasn’t there. I looked around, hoping to find him. Instead I saw the gate. It was open now, There was a man standing next to it. He was dressed fully in white, and smiled warmly at me. His voice sounded warm, like the feeling you get when you step into a hot bath. “Welcome.”
I walked forward hesitantly, “Um, hi!” I glanced behind him hopefully, but it was just us two, “Where’s Death?”
“He’s not here. He asked me to escort you into the afterlife on his behalf.”
“Oh.” I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.
The man stepped forward, concerned at my sad tone. “Don’t be scared! It’s a wonderful place, right through those gates. You’ll be happy forever.”
I took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “Thank you.” Taking the hand he then offered up, I followed him through the gates, leaving behind the park, the benches and the fountain. Leaving behind the only place I had ever truly felt at peace. I wondered how long he would remember me, and I him. Forever was a long time to forget, after all. Not that I truly believed I could ever forget him.
* * *
Heaven is beautiful. I can’t even begin to describe it. Everyone is kind, everyone is carefree and joyus. I knew I would never be lonely again. But I could feel something missing.
I was walking on my own when I saw someone standing up head. I didn’t recognize him at first. He had sandy blond hair and freckles that spotted his nose. It wasn’t until he looked at me, a slow smile spreading across his face. I would recognize that smile anywhere.
“Eve.” His blue eyes sparked, reminding me of the sky. Before I could say anything, he reached out and grasped my hand like it was all that mattered.
I stared at his hand in mine, entranced, before looking back into his eyes. “How?”
He grinned, a truly beautiful sight. “Well you know, I was hired for the job of being Death, so I figured I should just quit.”
I laughed, feeling like I was breathing for the first time. “You quit? Why didn’t we think of that sooner?”
He laughed too. “I don’t know. I don’t know. I just know that I want to be here. With you. Forever.”
I came closer to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. It felt so good to hold him. It made me feel safer than I had felt in years, like after all this time, I was finally home. “Forever, huh? That’s a long time.”
“Exactly,” His mouth came nearer, so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. It felt suddenly as if there was a gravitational pull, and I leaned toward him too. “And I want to spend every second of it with you.”
Then his lips met mine.
“You know, you never did answer my question.”
“What question?” He cocked his eyebrow down at me.
I looked up at him slyly. “Why did you choose to talk to me, all those months ago?”
“Well, at first, I just wanted to see how you’d grown up. But once I saw you, I knew I had to meet you properly.”
I tilted my head toward him, waiting. “Because…”
His hand came up to brush my cheek. “I think it was your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
“Until I looked into your eyes, I had never fully understood what it was to live.”
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