I stared at my hands playing with the edges of the too-big pillowcase of my brother’s pillow as I sat cross-legged on his bed. We stayed in quiet for a while, neither of us talking, as I fiddled with the worn, soft fabric and he packed his bags. Neither of us really knew what to say.

“Are you really going?” He paused at the sound of my voice and turned his head, but I kept my gaze glued to the pillowcase and started counting the faded spaceships across the surface.
“Yeah.” He turned back to his dresser and pulled out another wrinkled shirt. 3 spaceships.
“All the way to California?” The backs of my eyes stung, and I blinked rapidly. I was already asking stupid questions, no need to start crying, too. He would never treat me like an adult if I kept acting like such a kid. At the moment, though, I felt like a lost little kid in the grocery store. Or her older brother. 7 spaceships.
“That is where the school buildings are,” he drawled, straightening up with a pair of boxers in his hand and leaning against his bookshelf.
“Shut up,” I muttered. 12 spaceships. He stared at my hunched form for a moment before sighing and pushing himself away from the fake black wood. He sank down onto the edge of the bed with his elbows on his knees. We both stared at our hands in heavy silence before he sighed again and lifted his head. 15 spaceships.
“Listen, Mira, I know this is going to be hard, but it’ll be alright. I promise. It’s not like we can never talk to each other again. If you ever need me, just, like, call or text or something. Okay?” T minus ten seconds to lift off.
“It won’t be the same.” I hated being difficult, but he was my big brother, my protector, the one who chased the monsters away after the nightmares, the one who made the dark not quite so scary. We could talk, yes, but he couldn’t ruffle my hair from California.
“I know. I can’t hug you over the phone, huh?” He nudged my shoulder with his. 7….
“You’ll be across the country while I’m stuck here.” My fingers tightened around the pillow. The only one who ever bothered to pretend the monsters were real instead of acting like I was a silly little girl with an overactive imagination. The only one who could ever scare the shadows away.
“I know, but I’ll come back for the holidays and your birthday, and even some weekends if you want me to. I promise.” 5….
“I can’t believe you’re going so far away from me, from Mom and Dad, from Anna.” He tensed, his fingertips turning white from pressure. Uh oh, Houston, we have a problem.
“Did something happen with Anna?” Anna and I were the only reasons he would come back for weekends. If Anna wasn’t part of the equation anymore, then it would only be me. But that couldn’t be true, because Anna had been a part of the equation since he was fifteen and asked her to semi. 2….
“Anna and I...didn’t work out.” Houston, we have a major, major problem.
“What do you mean?
“You know, I really don’t want to talk about it, Mira.”
“But-”
“I’m going to finish packing, why don’t you go do homework or something.”
“You’re...kicking me out?”
“No, I-”
“Fine, yeah, whatever. Pack all you want. And FYI, it’s the middle of summer.”
“Mira-” I slammed the door, my face red and throat blocked. My eyes were burning, and I squeezed them shut, biting the inside of my cheek. Lift off.  
It’s all right, Mira, you’ll just have to learn how to fight the monsters by yourself. The thought felt like a weight
on my chest.

*******

Staring at my brother hugging my mom at the airport, I clenched my fists. It had been tense in the house as the date he would leave drew closer, and he seemed more anticipatory than anything, his leg always jogging when he was sitting and his fingers always twisting together. I knew when he started thinking about college by the way his eyebrows would furrow and his eyes would lose focus, his mouth twitching like he couldn’t decide whether to frown or smile.

We had made up easily from the tense squabble when he had been packing, and now I just kept my head down, waiting for my turn to say goodbye. My mom was still lecturing about calling as soon as he landed when he walked away from her, his hand already reaching out to ruffle my hair before he was even within arms’ reach. I dove into his arms.

“Remember, just text, call, whatever, whenever, okay? I’ll answer.” I nodded into his chest, the fabric of his shirt scraping against my cheek. My eyes, though dry, stung suspiciously.
“Have fun at college,” I mumbled. Even though I couldn’t see his face, I knew he was smiling, and some of the tension drained from my shoulders.
“Only if you have fun in high school.”
“Oh, yeah, it’ll be a blast. I don’t have you to write my essays, anymore, though.”
“That must suck.” I snorted. He reached up and put his hand on my head, though he didn’t ruffle my hair. He tilted my head back so that I was looking up at him, since for some reason he was ridiculously tall and I was rather short even though we came from the same gene pool.
“I’ll call-”
“As soon as you land, I know. I think Mom would fly all the way to California to kill you if you didn’t.”
“I’ll never be far. Just a text away. You’ll be fine.” Though he was still smiling, there was concern in his eyes and the creases on his forehead as he looked down at me.
“So will you.” Even though he would always be fine without me, he seemed to be reassured by that. He leaned down to hug me again.
“You don’t have to be alone, you know. Just a-”
“Text away! I get it! You’re going to miss your plane, you dork! I’ll spam you with texts as soon as you land, but you have to go now!”
“Alright, alright! I’m going!” He laughed, hugging Mom and Dad one last time before scanning the airport, his shoulders drooping a bit. I knew he was looking for Anna. She hadn’t shown up. Then he offered us one last bright smile before trooping off to the line and boarding the plane. I sat and stared out the window until the plane left, even though my parents complained about having to wait. And, lift off. We’re all good here, Houston.
I started spamming his phone with texts even though I knew he wouldn’t get them until he landed and turned his phone back on. Might as well get an early start.