The wind was strong. I glanced off the front porch into the large abyss of angry water. Things had been different in the house. Mom was always yelling, dad was always swearing, Emma was always crying, and I was always listening. It’s strange how one death could change our family so much. Most would have thought it would bring us together, but it has only torn us apart. Blaming each other for what we could never have predicted or prevented.
After an hour of screams being rebounded off our little family house, I went inside to the call of my name.
“Goddamn-it it Hannah! Why didn’t you come when I called you?!” My moms eyes were filled with fire. I remained quiet as she continued to yell. “I should not have to call you more than once you little piece of trash! Do you understand me?!” I nodded my head as I continued to look at the carpet. “You little piece of s***! Look at me when I’m talking to you!” She forcefully grabbed my jaw and put her face right in mine. She spoke calmly now, but it was a scary calm. “Now, Hannah, I’m going to ask you one more time, do you understand me?!” The ice in her voice stung me hard. I held back the flood of tears forcing their way to my eyes.
“Yes, mom, I understand. I will make sure I come next time when you first call me.” She jerked my face out of her hand and stormed into the kitchen.
“Dinner will be ready in five minutes. I want you in that seat in no more and no less. I gave her a quick okay and walked back on to the porch. What would it take for our family to be fixed again? Would we all have to be dead for her to realize that she is only making things worse?
The tears started falling ridiculously fast. Between quiet sobs, I looked at the watch on my hand. I had thirty-seconds to be in my seat or I would get a beating I knew I wouldn’t survive. I walked swiftly into the room wiping away any left over drops of water. I took a seat finding Emma do the same.
Plates of chicken, rice, and broccoli were placed before us. My dad began devouring his food as did Emma. I continued to take my time knowing we couldn’t leave the table until she was done anyways. As I plopped the last piece of broccoli in my mouth, my mother excused my father and sister. They both reluctantly got up and walked out of the room.
“Hannah, I want you to finish the food. It will be no good tomorrow.” It wasn’t a question.
“Mom, I’m not hungry any more.” I spoke softly afraid of her reaction.
“Hannah, does it look like I care if you’re hungry or not? No, I don’t. Go eat the damn food!” I stood up and walked over to the counter top. Three large pieces of chicken, have a pot of rice, and five pieces of broccoli remained. I served myself and went back to the table. My mother watched me with a malicious grin on her face as she enjoyed every bit of watching my pain.
After three bites, I couldn’t do it any more.
“Mom, I can’t eat any more.” The malicious grin became a look of malicious hatred.
“Hannah, don’t make me ask you again.” A cold chill filled the room.
“No.” That was all it took. My mom went off the walls mad. She began cussing me out. After realizing she was getting no reaction she came at me with a knife. “Alex is dead mom!” I screamed it as loud as I could. She instantly dropped to the floor. “Alex is dead and killing me isn’t going to bring him back!” Sobs filled the room as Emma and my dad stood in the doorway, watching silently. “He never would have wanted this! He loved you so much, but would he be proud of you for treating us like this! Death is supposed to bring a family together, and it’s done nothing but tear us apart!” I let my voice get softer as I approached the whimpering woman. I put my arm around her and she hugged me.
Every tear I had held back, I let go. Wrapped in my mother’s arms, we both sat crying, rebuilding the relationship we had lost. It’s when I heard the words though, that I knew everything was going to be okay.
“I love you baby, I love you.”