The one thing that had popped into my mind was, HOW?? My mind is an empty black hole. I have no thoughts, no feelings. How could I have been so stupid? I missed… him? I think anyways.
Prologue
The burst of sunlight hurt my eyes. I winced in pain; I hadn’t seen the sun in so long. Its radiant rays pulled me in, and I reluctantly gave into it. I allowed myself to bask in the gentle warmth. Suddenly the shadowy figure blocked out my sun. The mysterious figure was darkened, there wasn’t much detail. I did know that it was a male. The big, muscular build, the high cheek bones. Suddenly I wanted to know who this man was, this man that was so mysterious and was blocking my glorious sun exposure. He finally stepped out and I didn’t want to know who he was anymore, all the memories came flooding back. The pages of my past were awakened and I didn’t want this anymore.















I woke up to the faint sound of water rushing through the pipes, and the beautiful sound of New York morning traffic. Mom was getting ready for work. I look over the green glow in the corner of my room and it takes me a minute for my eyes to focus, and adjust to the dark. 6:30. the alarm practically screams it at me. Ok, ok, I say. I guess I have to get up. I reluctantly through back the covers of my O so warm blanket, and slip my feet into my velvety bunny slippers. Yes, I know, a sixteen year old girl with bunny slippers is a little… immature? No, its more of my little comfort zone, practically my wubie, you know those blankets that kids keep from their childhood, but these are better. I slip quietly into my small, sized closet and throw on a Harlem High Ravens sweater on and pair of black jeans, slip on some flats, and walk out like I wasn’t even here, it seems like that anyways.

I stumble out the door and the burst of cold wind hits me in the face, but refreshing and really woke me up. The snow had already soaked into my flats and my toes were frozen and on the verge of shattering. The crunch of my shoes was comforting; I did this every school day; walking.
Mom was always working, and well dad? Um, I really don’t know. Dad? It has a nice ring to it doesn’t it? I wish I had someone to call dad. Vroom! The rush of the traffic surprised me and pulled me from my internal jabbering. I came to the intersection of Rider Lane, and Broadway Ave. I could see the front door of the school, and the brightly colored circles of rival gang members whispering who was fighting who after school, and different techniques on how to make your opponent cry, even though it was highly impossible to make a gang member cry. *hehe*
I punch the little button the post next the intersection and wait for the pixled white hand to usher me across the street. The white hand begins to blink warning me to hurry or get smushed like a pancake by the racing cars. I book it across the intersection, and find my best friend, Alecs waiting for me and the other side. He smiles his warm, emo smile and grabs my bag, and begins to fume about how my bag “TOTALLY!!” –quote doesn’t match my outfit. I yank away my bag, and begin to defend myself.
“You know I hate it when you do that.” I said defending myself poorly.
“I know I just can’t help it, I mean come on, a yellow bag with a orange hoodie? I thought you knew better.” He sounds like my mom when she is lecturing me about sneaking out.
“Hey! I was late waking up and honestly I really don’t care about it anyways.”
He scoffs at me.
“No, really.”
“OK, well enough about our little fashion debate, you’re going to be late again, with me tagging along with my stolen late passes, defending you.” He said like it was a daily thing.
“That doesn’t happen EVERY day!” I scream defeated like.
“Oh, please, will you just come on.” He grabs my bag and drags me to English where he follows behind me with a late pass. Hm….. I guess it does happen.

Chapter Two – Ugh, school
I slide in next to my other best friend, Christian, and steal a piece of chicken soundlessly off her plate, and pop it into my mouth.
“Where were you the first fifteen minutes of English?”
“Oh, Alecs and I had a fashion debate this morning about my outfit, and then we realized that we were the only kids outside.”
“Oh, I thought that you might’ve ditched me again, and I was pissed that you didn’t text me, I would’ve tagged along.”
“Oh, I was debating about that this morning, but I kinda want to stay under the radar with my mom right now. She’s kinda pissed when she found out that I had been ditching school.”
“Oh, well lemme know when you want some bad ass ditcher to join you.” She grinned he mischievous smile and flipped her auburn and purple highlighted hair over her shoulder, followed by an,
“OW!”
We both turn around and find Alecs protecting his perfectly straighten hair and freshly glossed lips with closed eyes and a girlish squeal; fighting empty air with no strength at all.
“What the hell was that about Alecs?”
“Something scary hit me in the face!”
I giggle out loud and some kids turn around to see what the source of the weirdo laugh was coming from. I blush away and forget that, that little embarrassing moment hadn't happened. Another one to add to list, haha, inside joke. Christian and I always list our most embarrassing moments to our little famous list of embarrassing accidents, or outbursts. Ah.... classic.
We explained that it was only Christian’s hair that had flicked him in the eye. Of course it’s understandable that he would mistake her hair for something scary, because it a rainbow of tangled red and purple stripes.

The bell rang and all the kids rushed out of the lunch room and Alecs, Christian and I waited patiently for the weird variety of kids to file out of the overcrowded lunch room. We stumbled along, following the stampede of hormonal freaks.

EW… Math. The one and only class that I really, truly do despise. I have never had the knack for it. I walk in to room 304, Mr. Pearsons room. The room of torture, I think to myself. *giggle* I slam down my math book and slip into my seat next to Alecs. I sigh with relief that I had made it to class in time. I was really getting tired of this class, i was honestly getting tired with my life. I didnt want to try anymore, it was to hard, and really making me tired. I remember something about cutting. Christian was talking about it, she had tried it before, she always tries something. Even if its dangerous or illegal. Drugs, underage drinking, cutting, and now... well i'm not sure. She said it felt horrible; cutting. She didnt like the feeling of the ragged edge of the scissors running across her skin, she said that it felt... wrong. She had read something about it causing teens to not only loose a lot of blood, but it lead to suicide. Suicide. Such a strong word. Definition: Some stupid kid killing themselves for a dumb reason, or ridiculous teen drama. Then the bell rang.
Finally. Torture had ended and the annoying buzzing of Mr.Pearsons deep voice was over and I could escape. I walked out the door and Alecs linked his arm into my right and began skipping down the hall to his locker, dancing to Fireflies and humming along.
"I'd like to make myself belive....." His high pitched voice was annoying and very off tune, but funny.
He seemed so happy. Like nothing wrong could happen. I wish I could share his carelessness and joy. Still dragging me along the hallways to his locker and unsuccessfully singing along with his Ipod, I tried to soak in his happiness. We reached his locker and mine only two away. He let go of my arm and I was relieved to escape his arms. Don't get me wrong, I love Alecs, but sometimes...well his little happy thing was annoying.
I climbed into my old blue bug. I loved this thing. Even covered in rust, I still love this thing. Mom had offered to buy me a more.... functioning car. But, I denied I couldn't give up this baby, until the one night, I actually had doubts about this car. I climb in and rub the worn in leather seats affectionatly, only to find a little tear on the middle seat. Hm, another thing to repair.

Driving home I passed my favorite shake shop and couldn't drive by. Psh... practically impossible.Stacy's was a legend and one hell of a shop. I order the usual, Strawberry Banana with whipped cream on the bottom. The cashier hands over the shake and I grasp it tightly and switch it to my left hand and with my right pull out my torn wallet and thumb through for a five dollar bill. I hand it over and say keep the change. I dont need it anyways.
I pull in to the drive way and put the car in park. Swing the door open, grab my bag and smoothie and thumb for my key in my bag. I listen for jangle and the sharp pang of the keys.I grab the keys and shove them in to the lock and push the door open. I expected what I see every day. Light off, refrigerator humming along, and mom, not here. I flip on the kitchen light and start the look through our collection of expired products. Hm.. I wonder what is good, paired with expired mustard? Something gross I'm guessing. Eventually i slam together a turkey sandwich and salvage some of mom's vintage 1919 wine and poor some into a cubed glass, I know, so classy right? T.V.? No, nothings going to be on right now anyways.