The Day of Murder | Teen Ink

The Day of Murder

May 14, 2010
By Anonymous

On the day of your 18th birthday when you opened my present(two backstage tickets to Kid Rock)you said i was your favorite brother. I took that as a complement. On the night of the concert we were backstage, Kid Rock was already performing. This guy from out of nowhere grabbed you by the neck and said," You do what I want you to do there won't be any harm." The guy said he wanted $50,000 by the end of the night. I asked for some privacy to go use the bathroom and the guy said yes. The fist thing I did when I got to the bathroom was call the police, because the guy didn't know i had a cellphone. Then I called my parents. They saod they would have fifty grand before midnight. When we heard the police sirens the guy freaked out. He pushed you away pulled the gun out and was about to shoot. I jumped in front of the bullet. Complete impact to the heart. I was dead. That was the sad day of murder.



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This article has 5 comments.


on Jun. 9 2010 at 11:37 am
livsinthecity SILVER, Toronto, Ontario
6 articles 13 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love means never having to say you are sorry.<br /> -Erich Segal (in Love Story)

I liked it a lot ...good job

on Jun. 8 2010 at 12:27 pm
little-miss-mistakes GOLD, Plano, Texas
18 articles 2 photos 70 comments

Favorite Quote:
even after all these years the sun has never said to the earth, you owe me... look at what a love like that can do, it can light up the sky

i liked this alot actually... i like how short this is for some odd reason....... but i would add some more descriptive words

coly33 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 7 2010 at 4:48 pm
coly33 BRONZE, Lyndhurst, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 76 comments

wow

that was... wow

inspiring interesting

i loved it actually

:)


on Jun. 7 2010 at 2:02 pm
i_am_nobody SILVER, Belgrade, Montana
7 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be yourself, don&#039;t take anyone&#039;s sh*t, and never let them take you alive.&quot; -Gerard Way

um... its a little rough but pretty good

on Jun. 7 2010 at 6:16 am
Agatha25 BRONZE, Surbiton, Other
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This was okay, it's a good idea :) i think to improve this you could use some more discriptive words and perhaps use similies and/or metaphors just to make it that little bit better. Building things up with this story would have been good because you would have created more suspence and gripped readers a little more. I hope this helped a bit, good luck writting for the future.