Maryland has officially passed the Maryland Helping-hand Act. The law, passed just last Thursday, requires every person to serve each other constantly.

Students in school must, among other things, buy each others’ lunches, do each others’ homework, and play for each other on sports teams. Employed adults must punch attendance cards for one another and complete each others’ work.

“We believe that by promoting service among individuals, we’ll unite each other so strongly no one will be able to break the bonds,” says one anonymous government official. Not all politicians agree with this positive outlook, though.

“It’s pure stupidity. By forcing people to ‘help’ one another, all we’re doing is providing people with another tool to harm each other,” protests another official. Online chat-rooms are brimming with teenagers, whose friends must write for them, complaining about giving up their boyfriends/girlfriends to anyone who is without one.

“It just isn’t right,” claims one girl, “I wouldn’t even be having my friend type this instead of me if it weren’t for what happened to Jenny.” Jenny Anderson, a sixteen year old teen, was arrested Saturday for refusing to pay for and dial a pay phone when a stranger requested it.

Whether the Helping-hand Act will promote unity or destroy society, we have yet to see. Until that time, though, all anyone can do is voice their opinions… through everyone else.