I

“What about us? ”

We have never fought before.

"I looked into her eyes, questioning.
I sit on the side facing the entrance of the coffee house. She sits opposite me.
"What do you mean 'about us'? We are still best friends, aren't we?" she asked tentatively.
I looked into her innocent blue eyes and see nothing.
Nothing. An empty shell.
She must have stolen her soul.
"No." I am so tired to even make my mouth move, "Not since she came."
"Hyacinth," her smile fades like a switch had been triggered within her, "Stop being so unreasonable."
"Unreasonable? Me? You are the one who is being unreasonable!" I stood up suddenly and hit my hands on the table, knocking over the wine cup. It falls to the ground and breaks into pieces. Still, I stare at her, shaking all over due to uncontrollable anger. I can't believe she is accusing me.
"Quiet down, honey, everyone is looking at us!" she looks around and tries to hush me.
I feel disgusted when I heard it. And I don't care even if the whole world is staring at us.
"You are avoiding me," I said in a statement.
Since that event, she becomes unnatural every time I mention the girl.
She denies.
"Let's face this. You hate me mentioning her, don't you?"
"Honey, she is my girlfriend, and you are my best friend! It's... it's... oh my god, how can I explain it to you, Hya! It's different," she said desperately.
She still can't realize her fault.
"Camila, we have known each other so much longer than you know her." I struggled to suppress my anger.
She wearily rubbed her face and sighed.
"Then what do you want me to do, Hya?"
Long silence.
I stare into her eyes, and I know she understands.
She stares at me in disbelief and whispers, "Please, don't make me do this. I can't make it happen..."
I shouldn't feel any guilt for putting her in this position. She deserves this; she cheats on our friendship.
"Come on, Camila, make your decision."
I am pushing the friendship to an end.

II

I have known Camila for seventeen years since we were still in our mothers' uterus. Technically, it's since I touched her mother's pregnant belly and felt the kick. I never believed it, but that's what my mother said to me.
"You should really see your reaction when Camila kicks!" She laughs her head off every time she mentions it.
Camila and I live in the same neighborhood, and we spent most of our childhood together. We were each other's closest companions. We would climb onto the tree every Saturday, which was our secret base, and share our secrets with each other that no one else knows.

"When we were a bit older, we went to different middle schools, so the time we could spend together became far less than when we were children. However, we still messaged each other about our daily lives and shared gossip from our schools.

"I never lack friends at school, Hya. But they are only like companions whom I can be with to avoid being alone. You are different, Hya. Every time I have an impulse to share my feelings, you are always the first person who jumps into my mind," I remember Cami saying to me one night when she stayed at my place. I recall lying face to face with her, breathing in her breath. Her blue eyes were so bright in the darkness that I couldn't look away from them. I let her rest her head on my arm. I felt her head move slightly as her chest inflated and deflated. I replayed the words she had just said. I felt the same way. I avoided showing my true self in front of my peers in order to be liked by them. But Cami is the one who always understands me and accepts my whole self, including my negative emotions. When I am with her, I can truly take off my disguise and be my true self. When I am broken, she pieces my emotions together. I have always been her support as well.

"You are all I have," she once said when she cried over my shoulder after a quarrel with a girl. But that's a later story.

She might have forgotten what she said, but I still remember.

In high school, like other teenage girls, we also talked about boys.

"Cami, I think I might be in love with the pitcher of our baseball team. He is so cute. You will definitely love him as well when you see him," we lied on the bed, and I showed Cami a photo of the boy, expecting her reaction.

"Yeah, he is sort of cute," she examined the photo and said casually, "But still, I hate boys," she said with a disgusted look. "I will not date boys."

"You must be kidding," I laughed and said.

She laughed along but didn't say a word.

It was a summer afternoon when she brought the girl to me, two years after that conversation.

III

Last year, she started to frequently mention a girl to me.
"Hya, she is so nice. She is like a little sun, giving off positive energy to people around her. You will definitely love her when you meet her!"
I was glad that she found someone who could accompany her at school, until the day she posted a photo of them going out together on social media.
That night, I was looking at the photos she posted. I zoomed in on the picture, examining it. She wears makeup. The way she dresses, her makeup, her nails are so different from the her that I am familiar with. She seems to have become a completely different person when she is with the girl.
I never realized she was such a beautiful girl.
I want my Camila back.
I clearly remember the day Camila brought the girl to me.
"Hya, this is my girlfriend, Kelly."
Camila smiled affectionately at her girlfriend, holding her arms and leaning on her shoulders.
All I did was stand there, watching her make the announcement, trying to fake a smile.
"Congratulations, Cami!" I forced a smile. My voice was unnaturally sharp.
"Just don't tell my parents, or I will be dead," she said as she made a gesture on her neck. It made the girl laugh. And I laughed along.
I forced myself to behave naturally when I was with them, but I failed.
"You seem so listless. What's wrong?" Camila asked with concern.
"Nothing, just tired, I guess."
And she never said a word after that.

IV
I couldn't stand it anymore. I called her.
"Cami, it's me, Hyacinth."
"Hya! It's Hya! What's up?"
I couldn't help but notice the giggling sound Camila kept making, and I heard another person's voice.
"Nothing. It's just..." I breathed heavily, "I have something to tell you..."
"Ok, go ahead."
"Cami, I'm not sure I can explain it over the phone. Could you meet me tomorrow afternoon at the coffee shop?"
I kept scratching the skin on my fingers until it peeled off a bit, and I saw blood underneath it.
"Oh, oh sure." She sounded a little confused.
I hung up the phone as soon as I could, but her giggling was still in my head. And my finger was bleeding.

V
"Cami, you are all I have." I hoped she would speak, but she didn't.
"You said I was all you have, remember?"
"Hya, oh Hya...I don't know. I really don't know."
"Stop avoiding me!" I commanded.
"Hya, you are torturing me..." She covered her face with her hands.
I couldn't bear to see her crying. It broke my heart.
So I went out of the coffee shop and stood at the corner, watching her through the window.
I had to be strong this time. I would either have everything or lose everything I once owned.
As I expected, Kelly came a while later. Through the glass, I saw Kelly gently kiss away the tears on Camila's cheek and hug her.
I stared at them, motionless, until they walked out and went away.
That night, I thought for so long, trying to organize my thoughts, and finally made my decision.
I dialed Camila's mother's number, my heart pumping fast as I waited to be connected.
"Hi, Ms. Green, this is Hya. How is Cami doing?"
"No, no...I'm not looking for her...I want to tell you something, Ms. Green."
"Cami and I had a quarrel today. I was being so unreasonable to her about something. Could you convey my apology to her?"
...
I put down the phone and let relief wash over me.
It's all over. Them and me.