I throw a handful of dirt on top of the casket as I stare at it blankly knowing that the only thing I had left here in Mexico was in there. My aunt pulls me away and embraces me into a tight hug as she cries. Later in the night I hear the adults talking about what they should do with me. I hide behind the wall as I listen in to their conversation.

‘Siento por ella pero no tengo suficiente espacio para otro niño” i hear my aunt as she sighs

“Pues qué hacemos con ella? No la podemos dejar ak-” i hear another one of my aunts,tia emma, cut my uncle off

“¡Tu hermano! El vive en los estados unidos no?”

“Si pero que tiene-’ my aunt cuts him off again 

“Se puede mover a los estados con el!”

The United states!? I knew nothing about it except for white people and how they were racists and bad drivers (so i’ve heard my uncle say when he would call) how could i move there? 

“Pero cómo se va a cruzar si no tiene papeles? “ my uncles says successfully without being cut off 

“Puede usar el pasaporte de Ana se parecen igual” 

“ tu crees que va funcionar?” my aunt, tía victoria, chimes in.

The sound of their voices softens as I creep into my room with a heavy feeling in my stomach. I sat on the edge of my bed while staring down at the ground wondering what I was supposed to with the fact that the only place I knew was no longer going to be my home. I’m taken out of my trance as I hear the creaky door of the room open. I look up to see my tia Emma standing at the door. She sits down next to me and I feel the bed sink under her pressure. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I heard her speak.

“No se como decirte esto pero..tu tío el que está en los estados está en acuerdo y dijo que te puedes mover con el..” her eyes scan over my face as if trying to read my expression but i stare down at the ground.

“No tengo opción verdad?..” she shakes her head with a frown as I sigh 

“Cuando me voy?” I ask as I finally look up at her.

It’s the night before the big change and I slowly pack my remaining things into a small duffle bag when I realize I didn't have much to begin with. My uncle comes into the room to make sure I'm fully prepared.

“Ya estás lista? Porque nos vamos mañana y..pues no puedes regresar” he says

“Si ya se” i roll my eyes which usually angers him but he lets it slide due to how my life has been going lately

“Okay okay no mas queria saber” he throws his hands up in defense as he looks at me for a moment before turning around and leaving the room.

I walk over and lay down on my bed while staring up at the ceiling thinking about how my new life will be in the states. I think about the music, food, language and if they really were bad drivers. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. The next morning my uncle comes into my room early in the morning and shakes me awake.

“Ya despiértate es hora de ir” he says no longer shaking me.

I wake up and stretch. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes I get up and grab my things. I make it to the doorway but stop to turn around and admire the empty room I once called mine. After a long pause I grab the doorknob and close the door. I made my way to the car where my two aunts and uncle stood. They say their final goodbyes and hand me my cousin’s, Ana’s, passport. I get into the car and sit down looking out the window while waving to them as my uncle drives off.

We drive for hours with only the sound of the radio to fill our ears. The closer we get to the border the more the worry and anxiousness inside me grows. Hours later we made it out of Baja California and now on the U.S border. My nerves skyrocket as we inch closer to the border patrol. Once there I grab Ana’s passport out of my bag with trembling hands as I look over at my uncle.

“Y si no me dejan entrar?” i ask him 

“Psh! Siempre vengo y me dejan entrar” he says as he waves a disregarding hand in the air

“Pero esta es mi primera vez y yo me voy a-” 

“Passports please”

 Without realizing it we made it to the front where the border patrol and customs sit and where a tall white man asks to see my passport that isn’t really mine. My uncle and I hand over the passports as my heart beats out of my chest. He looks over them as if eyeing every detail on it. He looks back and forth from the picture and my face.

“Here you go” he hands back the passports and i let out a heavy sigh

“Just pull up over there so they can check your bags” I don't understand what he is saying but it seems like my uncle does as he pulls up in front of other patrollers who search our things.

“Que hacen?” i ask curiously

“Es normal” he responds as I nod

They finish checking our bags and we continue driving. We pass by busy cities and small towns seeing the scenery constantly changing. After many hours of sitting and stopping at random gas stations we made it to my uncle's house who I only know over the phone. I open the car door and look up to admire the house. It’s a white and gray house with a front yard filled with green grass and rosy flowers. My uncle pushes on my back softly, encouraging me to walk to the door and I do just that. I knock on the door and await my future.