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Insignificance
The beach is a horrifying place. A place where one can lose themselves in the abyss of the ocean. The deep blue captivates you and swallows you whole. At the sight of it I can do nothing but just stand there and stare for what feels like hours. I feel as if I am held there against my will. Something about how it seemingly draws me and keeps me trapped. That something attracts millions of victims every year and they too can only just stare. They can look out and see everything and nothing at the same time. The vastness of the ocean ruins you and lets you know that no matter how big you think you are, there is always something that is ten thousand times bigger.
As I stare for so long, nothing happens. The world is still turning and the abyss is still as blue. During this time there is little to distract me, leaving just me and my mind alone as the oceans horror creeps up and takes me down bit by bit. I become isolated and this is where I get the most lost. It takes me to a place where everything matters. I think about life. I think about how my life is going and I think about every tiny flaw that has made its way in. I think about my dreams and desires - the fact that they are meaningless and too grand to ever come to fruition. This destroys me inside and gives me a sense of worthlessness as I have the whole world in front of me, literally. All this is fought through the terrifying vast ocean.
Soon I fall out of my deep thoughts, and decide to walk along the water. I stay just out of the grasp of all the waves that reach out only to miss my feet by a few inches. I find it haunting to watch. They creep up and fade away relentlessly. Over and over this cycle repeats until finally it achieves its goal that it has worked so hard for. As it grasps my feet the cold shocks me and sends shivers down my spine.
At this I decide to take a break to access my surroundings. I notice that there are not that many people here today. This is most likely due to the fact that it is the middle of the week and we are in a not so touristy area. It is just me and my family with a few who gracefully ride the waves of the beast. Looking down I see the sand. It is coarse and filled with debris left behind by the ocean tides. Each piece of sand is quite insignificant but as I look down the beach I can see what looks like an infinite amount of it. The yellow behemoth overwhelms my eyes and makes my head hurt as I try to find some way to quantify it. There is just so much on it one could spend a hundred years solely dedicated to counting each grain and barely make a dent. It feels as though it is ten thousand times bigger than I am.
In the distance I see my dad. He wears his same gray swim trunks that he always wears and is waving for me to come back to him. As I came back I was handed a sandwich and appointed a tiny blue fold up chair that I have had for as long as I can remember. As I sit in my chair and eat my sandwich I find myself looking at the void again. It still calls for me, trying to suck me in, only this time I don’t fall for its tricks. It knows that I am infatuated with it and uses that to make me feel small and insignificant. The sand is doing the same exact thing. This time I begin to see the beach for what it really is.
I have now realized that it is simply just an illusion. Through the ocean's vastness it may seem like one enormous cohesive object, but it is just composed of miniscule droplets of water. This becomes more apparent when you look close and notice how it all flows and separates and interacts as though it were not one big blob but many many tiny little ones being blended together. The same can be seen with the sand that lines it the beach. It too is not a single thing, but rather made up of little pieces that are indeed insignificant. It is only the fact that they band together that they are powerful in terms of making anyone feel tiny.
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I don't really like the beach but I find it interesting just to look at the ocean and how massive it is.