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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

emzyANDO!!! RULS said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:02 am
hes MINE!!! ja;cob is mine !!!
emzyANDO!!! RULS said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:01 am
hes MINE!!!
ando_is_the_fkn_bst said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 1:00 am
omfg that is HILARIOUS!!!
Sobriquet BRONZE said...
on Apr. 17 2010 at 3:44 pm
Sobriquet BRONZE, Buffalo Grove, Illinois
1 article 2 photos 9 comments
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LOL I LOVED THIS! This was brilliant, especially because I HATE Twilight xD
SerraAngel GOLD said...
on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:28 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we have nothing to fear but fear itself&quot;.

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right now I'm lmao!!!!!
SerraAngel GOLD said...
on Apr. 16 2010 at 8:24 pm
SerraAngel GOLD, Buchanan, Michigan
12 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we have nothing to fear but fear itself&quot;.

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LOL!!!!! Also Plz check out Eternal night: Capter 1 and COMMENT. :)
akwolfchick SILVER said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 9:06 pm
akwolfchick SILVER, Anchorage, Alaska
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Most of what people think and believe and a lot of their quotes comes from what others have said. Funny thing is is that I think I&#039;m the only one who&#039;s said this&quot;.

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Briliant! I'm not the biggest twilight fan so this really cracked me up!
HeatherBee BRONZE said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 4:57 pm
HeatherBee BRONZE, I Live In, Texas
1 article 0 photos 1979 comments

Favorite Quote:
Go on and try to tear me down. I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper<br /> <br /> Love is louder than the pressure to be perfect

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lolol that made me laugh!! ive only read the 1st two books but that was still funny!!!
AmberAnn_d-_-b SILVER said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 8:36 am
AmberAnn_d-_-b SILVER, Laconia, New Hampshire
9 articles 12 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff.&quot;~CFC

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Oh my gosh hilarious, I love this. This pretty much captues it haha. I almost cried laughing XD
SandyC SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 9:57 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;In the end it won&#039;t matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away&quot;

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LOL....i LUV this...i have been waiting for someone to make fun of the Twlight Saga, an you did it perfectly
robbi BRONZE said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:55 pm
robbi BRONZE, Goldsboro, North Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
quotes are for people who are too uncreative to come up with their own sources of information.----ME.

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OMG that was awesomly perfect! i love twilight, but this was hilarious!: D
vampiresrock GOLD said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 7:07 pm
vampiresrock GOLD, Cornish, New Hampshire
12 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
When life gives you oranges, make grape juice and sit back and let the world wounder how the hell you just did that.

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Nice! I LOVE the Twilight Saga, and this was halarious!!!!   I loved it! Kudos to you!
Metree SILVER said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 10:26 am
Metree SILVER, Machipongo, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 20 comments
View profile
Thank you so much for this gem lol it was awesome
RosemarieCraig GOLD said...
on Apr. 14 2010 at 6:13 am
RosemarieCraig GOLD, Gloucestershire, Other
19 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man can no more diminish God&#039;s glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, &#039;darkness&#039; on the walls of his cell.&quot; <br /> &quot;The world is not inherited from our ancestors. It is borrowed from our children&quot;

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I READ THE SAGA AND LIKED IT LODES FOR LIKE SIX WEEKS! I EVEN GOT A TEE SHIRT! BUT YOUTSYOURS WAS REALLY FUNNY!!!! YOU SHOULD INCLUDE A MOCKING BIT ABOUT BELLABELLS BEING DEPRESSED FOR LIKE THE ENTIRE OF NEW MOON! "IT FEELS LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY CHEST"!!!! HA HA HA U R FUNNY! BTW SOYY ABOUT CAPS, MY PHONE WONTWON'T LET ME WRITE IN LOWER CAPS! 
DaniW PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 8:30 pm
DaniW PLATINUM, New Bern, North Carolina
29 articles 1 photo 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.<br /> By Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross

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Oh my god... that was hillarious!!! :D My abs hurt from laughing so much! You should totally do this for more series!!!
Undiscovered PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 6:49 pm
Undiscovered PLATINUM, Trophy Club, Texas
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments
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That was hysterical! Oh my gosh! I have been sick and tired of all these nutty Twilight fans that were ruining the book! This made me laugh!
SilentSerenity BRONZE said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 6:27 pm
SilentSerenity BRONZE, Brookfield, Ohio
3 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A word to the wise isn&#039;t nessesary, its the stupid ones that need the advice.&quot;<br /> Bill Cosby

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lol

 

Stop it! cant you see? My Eggo Is Preggo!

 

BEST LINE IN THE WHOLE SCETCH!!!!!!!!!

MusicLover2012 SILVER said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 9:59 am
MusicLover2012 SILVER, Beloit, Kansas
6 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nathaniel Ayers: Beauty is art; music is beauty.<br /> <br /> Nathaniel Ayers: You can&#039;t hold down angels. <br /> <br /> Steve Lopez: A year ago, I met a man who was down on his luck and thought I might be able to help him. I don&#039;t know th

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This was quite hilarious. You should do this for other series.
burningembers GOLD said...
on Apr. 12 2010 at 7:00 pm
burningembers GOLD, Union City, Ohio
10 articles 0 photos 51 comments
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I love this!!  You phrased things perfectly; I was cracking up the whole time : )
psychedelic_wAves said...
on Apr. 12 2010 at 3:00 pm
psychedelic_wAves, Austin, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way&quot;~ Axl Rose quote

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Amen to that