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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1979 comments.

Judis said...
on Mar. 10 at 7:40 pm
Judis, El Paso, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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I am literally wheezing because of how much I laughed at this!
gabs_w SILVER said...
on Feb. 23 at 6:10 pm
gabs_w SILVER, Portland, Oregon
9 articles 0 photos 94 comments
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THIS IS AMAZING. Read this instead of twilight, it will save a LOT of time.
lottieis_dumb PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 4 at 8:34 am
lottieis_dumb PLATINUM, Hereford, Other
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Favorite Quote:
"There's nothing wrong with you.
There's something wrong with the world you live in"

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THIS IS HILARIOUS
Slusheecup BRONZE said...
on Dec. 16 2022 at 8:51 am
Slusheecup BRONZE, Hickory, North Carolina
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A small mind shall bring others down.
An average mind shall know what's going down.
And a great mind shall go down in history.
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This is overly accurate! Its amazing lol
PoisonIvy22 SILVER said...
on Sep. 28 2022 at 12:01 pm
PoisonIvy22 SILVER, Windom, Texas
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This is so stupid and funny! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I will never forget this. Thanks for writing this. Pure comedy!
Lillerz said...
on May. 1 2022 at 9:56 pm
Lillerz, Kalispell, Montana
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Lord, what fools these mortals be!

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I love this!
connielee10809 BRONZE said...
on Feb. 17 2022 at 8:49 pm
connielee10809 BRONZE, Fullerton, California
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THIS IS SO BAD IT'S SO FUNNY OMFG
HermioneGranger_estbay BRONZE said...
on Feb. 8 2022 at 5:53 pm
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I loved it, i made me wanna to laugh and cry
TessaDreamAuthor_3000 PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 2 2022 at 11:06 am
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I made a similar version to this, but Harry Potter style! Hehe ;p
TeenInk.com/fiction/fan_fiction/article/1143966/Harry-Potter-Movie-3-Minutes
Click to view!
AztroWorkz BRONZE said...
on Feb. 1 2022 at 2:06 pm
AztroWorkz BRONZE, Bellingham, Washington
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this is possibly the best twilight summary I've ever read and I haven't even seen twilight
keiraoestreich said...
on Dec. 3 2021 at 1:17 pm
keiraoestreich, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
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"if a time traveler doesn't come back to stop you, it can't be that bad of a decision."

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beautiful made me cry
anyabeatrice GOLD said...
on Nov. 30 2021 at 5:10 am
anyabeatrice GOLD, Encino, California
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There is no other way to say this,
but the author has made my day.
Carmen1917 said...
on Nov. 18 2021 at 6:29 pm
Carmen1917, Harlowton, Montana
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This is so funny!!!!!!! I can not stop laughing!
Carmen1917 said...
on Nov. 18 2021 at 6:29 pm
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This is so funny!!!!!!! I can not stop laughing!
TessaDreamAuthor_3000 PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 17 2021 at 12:53 pm
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Omg I showed this to my friends and we laugh SO HARD omg
xit said...
on Oct. 13 2021 at 1:32 pm
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must suck to suck

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SHIVER ME TIMBERS
s396172 said...
on Sep. 13 2021 at 6:15 pm
s396172, Chandler, Arizona
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This is very funny, i’d totally act out this play with my friends. Twilight is kinda old so i’m glad to see it still being popular :] nope nevermind this is old buttt i’m glad people found it this year!
Roxanna_Foxe SILVER said...
on Aug. 28 2021 at 4:15 pm
Roxanna_Foxe SILVER, Anonymous, North Carolina
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I've never even read/watched the Twilight Saga and I feel like a part of the fandom LOL
Lains SILVER said...
on Aug. 5 2021 at 7:37 pm
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@SparrowSun I do agree with you, but sometimes comments on older content are good. When I first started Teek-Ink a lot of the things I was seeing were all old, even when I looked for new stuff. Old and new comments I saw on the author's works gave me ideas and motivation.
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why is everyone commenting on this? its from 2009! the author has almost certainly forgotten it exists. they don't care. please comment on something new with an author who a single comment would mean the world to!