Mona the psycho | Teen Ink

Mona the psycho

December 1, 2017
By beenthrohellandback SILVER, Troy, New York
beenthrohellandback SILVER, Troy, New York
9 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Mona

I started walking very quietly and very slowly behind Emily.  Emily didn’t  know that I was behind her so she didn’t expect it when I cut her in half. She was picking up her papers that were all over the factory floor. The smell of blood filled the air as i slowly forced the blade through Emily’s thick skin. I heard her whimper for help as the blade fully broke the bone, killing her.

 

 


Three months earlier
“ Oh my gosh. Look who it is, it’s Loser Mona, ” Aria said just as Mona walked by. Everyone laughed. Mona looked down in shame then scurried away quickly. She was embarrassed even though she got bullied consistently. She was used to being bullied but she wanted to put an end to it. She would do anything to get them to stop. They bullied her so much she was mentally ill. When she got home from school she silently went into her room beginning to plan her revenge. She goes upto her room and slams the door. She wishes her parents were still here to yell at her. Her mom died when she was born and her father dies of a heart attack. The court agreed to let her live by herself because she is about to turn 18. At first she was just going to play a cruel prank on them. All she wanted to do is make candy apples but replace the apples with onions or something like that. They should pay for what put me through. She decided she needed something bigger and badder. She wanted revenge and she wanted it to last a really long time. So she found out Aria’s locker combination by sneaking into her principal's office after school hours. She opened Aria’s locker and took her math textbook. Later she hid in her dad’s closet and watched her dad put in the combination for the safe that contained her dad’s gun. See her dad is a cop. After her dad was gone she opened the lock and took the gun and hid it in her closet. “ Aria you dropped your math textbook on the ground on your way out of school yesterday. I was going to give it back to you but you were already gone, ” Mona stated. “So when am I gonna get it back? ” Aria asked. “Come to the abandoned factory after school today. We need to talk about something,” Mona answered. Aria skeptically stated, “Ok.” She felt that Mona was up to something, but she didn't know for sure. Mona grabbed a container of gasoline, a matchbox, a knife, and the textbook from her house real quickly. She wanted to get to the factory before Aria. It was the perfect place. No one around for at least a mile. No one to witness what she was planning on doing. All she had to do is wait for Aria to come and hope she didn't come alone. Of course she didn't because she was smart. She had Emily and Maya outside the factory because she knew if anything happened to Emily, Maya would get protective over her girlfriend and the same thing was true if something happened to Maya. “If I'm not back in 10 minutes come and look for me,” Aria stated. Mona heard a car door close and thought, ‘ I better go get ready.’ Mona went up to the second floor and got ready. Aria walked into the factory not knowing that Mona was right above her ready to kill her. She dropped the textbook from where she was, hoping it would hit Aria and knock her out. It hit Aria’s head with a thud. She was out cold. Mona ran down the stairs with the gasoline, the knife, the matchbox, and the gun. She covered Aria’s body in the gasoline. After it was drenched in gasoline, she set it on fire and watched it burn. Ten minutes were up so Emily went to check what was going on. Just what Mona planned. “If I'm not back in 5 minutes either come and look for me or call the police,” Emily said to Maya. Maya was reluctant to let Emily go in there all by herself, but in the end she agreed to it. As soon as Emily walked into the factory she dropped her bookbag at the sight of Aria’s scorched body. Her papers flew everywhere. As she bent down to pick up her papers, Mona quietly stepped behind her and cut her at the waist. The blade went through the bone and cut all the way through. Emily's top half fell to the floor. Five minutes passed and Maya got even more worried. She called the cops when 4 minutes passed, but she really wanted to check on Emily. Mona heard the factory door open and close. ‘This wasn’t planned ’ Mona thought to herself. She grabbed the gun and started walking to the door to see who it was. ‘Oh it's just Emily's girlfriend ,’ Mona thought. She held the gun up ready to fire at Maya. Maya saw Mona and grabbed the gun. The gun fired . It hits Mona in the leg by accident and she died of blood loss. Maya doesn't get charged for murder because it was self defence,even though Maya actually wanted to kill Mona. She didn’t mean to. After that nothing was the same. Everywhere Maya went people would look at her and talk about her and about what happened to her friends. Maya couldn’t get what happened out of her head. It played on repeat and repeat.


The author's comments:

i have been working on this for a while. I would love feedback. This work is based on the television series Pretty Little Liars. I hope you like it.


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This article has 1 comment.


on Jan. 23 2018 at 11:03 am
WolfWhisperer0911 BRONZE, Austin, Texas
1 article 0 photos 623 comments
@beenthrohellandback To be honest, I think you need a lot of time with this one. I don't see the beginning much exciting, and I suggest to add a little more information about the main character. For the format of the paragraphs, I would separate one location or what happens so that it won't look so long and unpleasant to read. I don't see any character development or any description of the character's physical appearance. I don't see any background or setting which I recommend to plan out where the place is and to describe at least a sentence or two. Mona is hard to relate to the feelings like she is going through and I don't see any conflict inside of her which I think it will make the story better. But, I can see a lot of potential in this story, so I think you need to edit some more, add more description, relationships between each character, and make the atmosphere intense.