Chilled by the cold winter air, wet from the water lines that leak, and pitch black is the basement of which our story takes place. The basement remains dark most of the time, the only forms of light that ever enter the basement is that of when the Kidnapper comes down and greets the two unfortunate souls lying chained to the basement columns. On the column to the left lies James, the man who is challenged to choose the future of him and Tasha. Tasha, the woman that James hangs out with constantly, is chained to the column on his left.

Click, the familiar sound of the light switch turning on. Kerr-thunk, Kerr-thunk, Kerr-thunk, da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Thunk, Eeeeeeeeee. All that could be heard was the moaning of a man in pain. That’s when Tasha busted out laughing and insulted the kidnapper, “Did you just learn to walk yesterday? You can’t even walk straight, how did I get kidnapped by such a being as you. Man…..I must be an idiot.”

“SHHHHHHHH!” hissed James, seeing as he’s the only one trying to make it out alive. The man that claimed to be their kidnapper got up. His face was dented with the imprint of the doorknob with a little keyhole in the middle and as red as a cherry.
Tasha busted out laughing yet again and howled, “I love the tattoo, when’d you get it, just now? Haha.” Those were the words that infuriated the Kidnapper. He stormed across the room and almost struck her when James burped. The kidnapper stopped in his tracks, covered his ears, sat down, and started moaning and rocking back and forth. Little did James and Tasha know, the Kidnapper has a phobia of burps. This was yet another turn of untamable laughter from Tasha. It was as if laughing was her form of control over her fear. After about five minutes of rocking the kidnapper rose from his position and asked the question that could end or continue the lives of James and Tasha.
He looked at James and asked him, “Love or Loneliness? Those are your choices. You will have seventy- two hours.” With those words he turned around, hit a button, and headed back up the stairs taking it slowly so he wouldn’t fall again. Click. The light was now off leaving James and Tasha in room of inevitable darkness. There was a red gleam of light in the corner behind the fence that cut off them from the objects behind it. The red gleam was a clock ticking down from seventy-two. James sat there wondering what the man was asking him. He didn’t understand the importance of the question. He pondered for hours upon hours and eventually it came to him.
Did the man know about James’s history with Tasha? Possibly. James sat there and thought about the possibilities of what would happen if he were to choose certain answers. If he should choose loneliness the man may kill Tasha and he wouldn’t have a way of protecting her chained to the column this way. James looked at Tasha and she looked back upon him. Neither of them was aware of the fact that they were looking upon one another because of the lack of light within the room.
Tasha was shaking with fear. It was officially clear, that she was afraid of dying in this inhumane basement. She couldn’t stop thinking about how if she got out she’d never shoot at cans across the road again. Since that was the way she was captured and brought into this situation. She and James have a history of being kidnapped. This time they were just sitting on the sidewalk shooting at the cans on old Mrs. Candies’ house. Maybe this kidnapping was a scheme of that old bat, maybe she’s trying to scare them into not shooting at her house or her cans or her cats again.
James, unable to sleep, sat and stared at the clock. It was a complete timer with a second, minute, and hour counter. It has been eight hours, twelve minutes, and eight seconds since the man turned on the clock. James was trapped in a world of thought and confusion ever since the strange man popped him the question of love or loneliness. Should he choose love the man may just kill him on the spot and he’d be unable to do anything to save Tasha. That wasn’t the only issue, he was afraid for his own life as well.
Click, the light yet again. Kerr-thunk, Kerr-thunk, Kerr-thunk, da-da-da-da-da-da-da, THUNK, EEE. James couldn’t help but to pity the man. It was after he heard the foot steps of the man rising James heard him yell, “Next time, I need to use elevator!” An elevator, thought James. There’s an elevator in here? It might be behind the fence.
The Kidnapper looked at James and asked, “Love or Loneliness?”
James without a wasted second replied, “I don’t understand what you are asking!”
“Love or Loneliness, how hard of a question can that be?” responded the Kidnapper.
James sat there and thought. His thoughts were racing at an unbelievable pace, that’s when it hit him. He could try to convince the kidnapper to let him loose so he can think better. “I can’t think when I’m chained in this uncomfortable position, plus I have to pee,” said James.

Hmmmm, thought the Kidnapper. “Sure, under one condition, you do not touch this fence or go near it. Understood?”

“Understood.” The man walked up to the column behind James. He bent down and smacked his head on the column. He swore for a few seconds, then click, the chains where unlocked and James was free to move around. “Unchain Tasha also, I will make sure she doesn’t go near or touch the fence.” Not thinking much of it the man promptly agreed and unchained Tasha.

“You have sixty-three hours to come up with your decision.” After his short little spiel he headed up the stairs, Kerch, the man locked the basement door. Click. Tasha and James sat in the darkness yet again.

“Tasha?”

“Yes?”


“How are you doing? Are you hungry or anything?”

“This was your fault that we got captured and into this mess.”

James was taken back by the sudden hostility in her response. This confirmed his worst fears. After being her friend for all these years, she still blamed him for the kidnappings that they kept experiencing. He was determined to make this their funniest kidnapping yet, but why she hated being kidnapped so much he didn’t understand. Despite his low feelings he was determined to make sure she was okay, “I was only trying to make sure you were okay. So what schemes are we going to pull this time?”

“Well, I don’t know, but we cant go planning ahead until we know the nature of this kidnapper. He seems kind of clumsy and stupid.”

Taken back by her cold and honest words James shrugged and leaned against the wall thinking about the question of which was to be concerned about. Say he would choose loneliness maybe the man would kill him. Not so bad after the harsh conversation they just had, but how does he reassure that she won’t be touched or hurt? Now say he choose love would the man kill him and her? Perhaps he’d be the only one dying in the end. Maybe the man was just testing his feelings towards people in general.
The gleaming red clock on the wall now reads 62:38:17 and counting. He was hungry and he had to go to the bathroom. Not knowing where the restroom was he figured he could make a ruckus and cause the man to come back down the stairs. Willing to test his theory he yelled, “Are you such a feeble kidnapper, that you can’t feed your captives?”
Upstairs the kidnapper had company over. His friend and his wife heard the insane racket and asked, “What’s that noise?”
“Oh it must be my parrot in the basement. He must be hungry. Excuse me for a few minutes.” The kidnapper bolted into the kitchen and grabbed some random foods and went to the elevator. He hit the button for down and closed the metal doors that blocked the elevator from the kitchen. Kuhn- errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. James heard a strange sound and it was slowly getting louder. That sound, what it was James thought for a few seconds. “James, what’s that sound?” Asked Tasha.
“I don’t know, it must be the sound of angels humming an immaculate chorus,” he said jokingly.
“That’s not even funny James,” scowled Tasha.
“Dadu dadu dadu dadudadudadudadudadu da-dadadaduuuuuuuuu.” Light emerged from the wall behind James and Tasha. They turned their heads slowly towards it and saw the Kidnapper in a nice shirt and a tie, singing a theme song.
“Is that the Pink Panther theme song?” asked Tasha.
“No, of course not, I’m all original.”
“No, that was definitely the Pink Panther theme song,” said James.
“SHUT UP! Now I took the liberty in bringing you food so SHUT UP because I have guests up stairs.” With that he threw the food at them and turned around.
“Spam?” asked Tasha.
“Moldy bread?” asked James.
“Furry Mashed Potatoes?”
“What is this?” asked James as he crushed an object in his hands.
“It was a pear,” said the kidnapper.

“I want good food NOT nasty food,” said Tasha somewhat annoyed with the lack of effort from the kidnapper.

“SHUT UP! My fridge and cupboards are empty because of you annoying little pests.”

“Are you serious? Well if you expect me to keep quiet I want a Big Mac and a large fry and get one for James too,” said Tasha clearly in control of the situation.

The kidnapper didn’t say anything, he just headed to the stairs and walked up. Ker-thunk, ker-thunk, ker-thunk, BAM, “OUCH! GOSH DARNIT!”, ker-thunk, ker-thunk, ker-thunk, ker-thunk, Eeee. James and Tasha couldn’t figure out why the man didn’t take the elevator back up. Bored out of his mind James took the furry mashed potatoes and made a rat sculpture out of it. Tasha opened the SPAM and smelled it then threw the can at the fence in disgust.

Meanwhile, upstairs, the kidnapper walked back into the room and greeted his guests. They sat and talked about the different ideas for their building design from their job. They sat there for several hours argue and agreeing and arguing again. They came up with a design brief that worked for all three of them. The kidnapper then escorted them to the door, “See you later George. Bye Mrs. Charmin.”

The kidnapper waited until his guests were far from his house before bolting out the door and to his car. He sped away to McDonald’s. “Hello, welcome to McDonald’s how may I help you?” cackled the speaker in front of him.


“Ah, Yes. Can I have two Big Mac meals please.”

“Will that be all?”

“Yes, of course.”

“That will be eleven forty nine. Are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Are you absolutely positive?”

“LOOK LADY! I TOLD YOU MY ANSWER AND THAT’S FINAL!”

He looked past the speaker and saw three little kids staring at him then sped up to the window. The kidnapper couldn’t help but to think how expensive these kids were turning out to be. As he drove home he thought of all the stuff he had to buy. He bought the bricks to make the columns, the chains, and the lights, and now they demanded food. He was slowly losing his mind. When he got back to the house, he went over by the elevator shaft and opened the metal gate took a step and, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THUD. He had forgotten that he didn’t bring the elevator back up when he took it down.

James and Tasha turned towards the sound. They heard some moaning and the rustling of a paper bag. Then the light flickered on in the elevator and they saw the man lying on the ground with a McDonald’s bag unconscious. Tasha sprinted into the elevator, grabbed the McDonald’s bag and called James into the elevator. She hit the Up button on the elevator panel and they were on their way into the Kidnapper’s lair. Three hours the man lied there and in that time the kids trashed his house. They had jumped on his bed, painted his counter, tore apart his bathroom, took his cash and ordered pizza, decorated his face with Tasha’s make-up and the paint from the counters, called the news company and asked them to come for an interview of a man that is going to cross-dress for the next three years, even tattooed their names on his arm by themselves, and at the end of all their little schemes they were sitting on the sofa, with their feet up on the table, eating pizza and watching television.

The kidnapper groaned, stretched and sat up with a surprised look on his face. “What happened?” He looked around and realized he had fallen down the elevator shaft when he brought back the McDonald’s for the kids. “THE KIDS!” He hit the button to go down and when he hit the basement, he heard the television upstairs. “I didn’t have the television on…Kids?”

“Hey! How’s the head?”

His heart jumped out of his chest and he looked up to see James’s face peering down at him. He immediately hit the up button. When he was standing face to face with James he said, “How’d you get up here?”

“Simple really, I hit the up button just as you did. Hey, want to see our artwork in your kitchen?”


“Artwork?”

“Yeah, come on.” James grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen. The look on the man’s face was priceless to James and Tasha.

“M…m…my marble counter-t-t-t-top…” said the kidnapper completely heartbroken. He looked up at James and Tasha, who were grinning from ear to ear, and he was filled with pure anger. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

He escorted them too the door, and told them to leave. “Hey, we don’t know how to get home,” said James. The kidnapper ran into his kitchen opened a draw and threw a map at them. On the map was a big red dot that read, “You are here”. “Do you do this often?”

“No, NOW LEAVE!”

With those words James and Tasha set out for their homes. The kidnapper slammed the door which hit the bolt, shot back and hit him in the face. GRRRRRRRR! He moved the bolt and slammed the door shut. The kidnapper walked back to his couch and sat down. This was when he realized that he was wearing a dress. “THOSE KIDS!” He got up and headed to his room to change when the door bell rang. He trudged to the door in the dress and opened it.

“Hello this is CTS News and we’ve received a phone call saying you’ve been cross dressing for three years and plan to continue,” said the man at the door with the camera crew behind him recording. Now he was furious.

“NO! LEAVE NOW OR I’LL CALL THE COPS!” With that he slammed the door in the faces of the camera crew.

Three weeks later, we find our kidnapper at a Kidnappings Gone Wrong Anonymous meeting. The group consisted of five other men who have also had issues with their kidnappings. “So what’s your name and what is your story?”

“Hi, my name is Blake. And well um..I kidnapped these two kids named James and Tas..”

“Oh no, NOT THOSE NAMES AGAIN!” said the man sitting in the corner. “I tried kidnapping those kids and they cost me too much money. They humiliated me in my own property. I couldn’t stand them anymore and kicked them out of my warehouse.”

“Those kids were expensive indeed,” agreed the man sitting next to the meeting director. “They tore apart my apartment complex and killed my old Betsy. My poor cat, she was old enough without them making a moldy mashed potato rat. I …well… threw them out of my complex as well…they humiliated me…I felt like an insignificant kidnapper.”

“I say we bond together and get them kids once and for all,” announced Blake.

“Now, now, let’s be rational,” said the man running the meeting. They all glared at him, and then looked at one another. They grabbed him and dragged him across the room to the dark corner on the far wall. The man that was sitting in the corner duct taped the man’s mouth and four of the other men roped him to the chair. The last one finished drinking his beer and smashed the man on the head leaving him there unconscious.

“Now that that’s done, let’s get’em,” said Blake.

“I’m hungry.” One of the other men stated.

“Oh lay off, your always hungry George,” said the man that sat in the corner. They bickered back and forth for a couple of seconds without interruptions when the beer drinker interrupted them.
“Would you both knock it off? You sound like a bunch of three year olds trying to dig up a worm.” The man that knocked out the meeting runner said as they left the meeting hall, to capture those annoying children, so sure they would not fail this time.

“Hey…Is it possible that they can outsmart us again?”
“Psht. Six against two, what are the chances?”