Once upon a time?well, around four o?clock, to be precise?I heard my mailman knocking rather loudly on my door. I gave my steaming cauldron one more stir, then ran down the stairs and opened the door.

?Hello, Marcia.? the mailman said. ?I have a very important letter here from the duke.? The mailman handed me the letter.

After he left, I read it aloud softly to myself. ?Dear Marcia: The duchess and I have a favor to ask of you. We have been trying to educate our daughter, Rapunzel, but it just doesn?t seem to be working. We think it would be good for her to come and stay with you for a while. We know that you would give her a good, quality education. Please write us back as soon as you can. Sincerely, the Duke.?

As soon as I had finished reading, I dashed upstairs to my desk. I grabbed the first piece of paper I could find, dug in the drawer for a pen, and started writing. I didn?t really know Rapunzel, but I was sure she would be a pretty, sweet little girl. I was happy to take her in.

In only a few minutes I had finished the letter and had put it in an envelope. Quickly, I ran downstairs and stuck the letter in my mailbox.

Later, I would seriously regret it.

One day, she finally showed up at my door. I was immediately surprised. Rapunzel was not what I had expected. She stood at my door, tapping her foot impatiently. Her dress was pink, with so many sparkles that it almost hurt my eyes.

But the most surprising, if not a bit odd, thing about Rapunzel was her hair. It was blonde, and stretched down at least ten feet past her ankles.

?Where?s my room?? she demanded. ?And hasn?t anyone ever told you that it?s not polite to stare??

?Oh, okay. Sorry.? I stuttered. ?Here, I?ll show you.?

I grabbed her bags?which were very heavy?and started up the stairs. Rapunzel followed. I led her up to the tower room, which had the best view in the whole house.

It took a while to get up the stairs, because Rapunzel kept tripping over her long hair. After we finally got up the stairs, I helped her to get settled in.

The next day, I tried to teach Rapunzel how to do some math problems. No wonder her parents had trouble with her?the little brat wouldn?t listen to anything I said. After thirty minutes I gave up.


A while later, I was stirring my cauldron again when Rapunzel came down from the tower.

?What?s for dinner?? she asked.

I pointed to the cauldron. ?Soup.?

She gave me a weird look. ?We?re having that for dinner? Ew, that?s disgusting.? Then she leaned forward to smell it. ?It smells awful, too. Smells like witch?s brew!?

?It is not!? I yelled. It wasn?t my fault, after all; I can?t help it that I?m a horrible cook!

Rapunzel didn?t listen. She started running, but she tripped over her hair and tipped the cauldron. All of its contents poured out. She ran up the stairs, screaming, ?Marcia?s a witch! Marcia?s a witch! Oh, somebody help me, I?ve been sent to live with a witch!?

?Wait!? I shouted back at her. ?You get right back down here, young lady, and help me clean up this mess!?
Rapunzel never came down to help me. And, to make things even worse, she had stepped in my soup, and now there were soupy footprints going up the stairs.
?Come clean this up!? I yelled again, but it was no use.
By now, I was steaming mad, about ready to erupt. I had spent hours perfecting?or at least trying my best to perfect?that soup. And then that insolent little girl just came along and destroyed it!

I?ll give that girl what she deserves. I decided.

Furiously, I stormed up the stairs, carefully avoiding the little puddles of soup. Rapunzel had gone up to her tower room. I?m not sure what she was doing, because I didn?t bother to look. I just slammed the door and locked it, trapping her inside.

?Let me out!? Rapunzel screamed.

?No! You deserve it!? I replied.

The next morning, I decided to peek through the keyhole into the tower room. I was surprised that I hadn?t heard Rapunzel yelling at me to let her out.

I?ve got to hand it to that girl?she wasn?t very bright, but she did have quite a bit of charm. I saw that she had convinced an ordinary peasant man to help her. Her long hair was hanging out the window, and the man was actually climbing up it, bringing with him a bag of food.

I was NOT going to let Rapunzel out. Why should I? After all, she was bratty, demanding, and couldn?t do a math problem to save her life. So I grabbed my broom, which I assure you, is not magical in any way, shape, or form. It does not fly or cast spells or anything of the sort.

I ran out to the base of the tower and waved my broom at the man. He shouted at me, then scurried up Rapunzel?s hair even faster than before.

Thinking fast, I reached up as far as I could and grasped part of the long, blonde rope of hair. I took out my pocketknife, and cut off a piece of Rapunzel?s hair about as long as I am tall.

Now both Rapunzel and the man were trapped.

Thinking I had them both stuck up there for good, or at least until I let them out, I went back to my work.
After I was finished, I went upstairs to check on Rapunzel and the peasant man, just to see what they were up to. As I peered through the keyhole again, I saw the strangest thing. A knight in full armor had shimmied up Rapunzel?s hair and was climbing through the window.
How did he get up there? I wondered. Rapunzel can?t grow her hair back that fast!
So I did the same thing I did with the peasant man. I ran outside to the base of the tower. I heard a neigh, and looked for the sound. There, grazing a little ways away, was a white horse. The knight must have stood on it to reach the rope of hair.
But, brave as the knight was, he had forgotten to tether his horse so he could climb down onto it, after he had completed his heroic rescue. He was trapped with Rapunzel and the man, whose name I still didn?t know. So much for chivalry.

If someone would have told me that locking Rapunzel in the tower would cause this much trouble, I probably wouldn?t have done it. But nobody told me, and I was still too mad to let her out. Even now, I could hear her in there, demanding that that I let her out.

A day later, I heard someone banging on my door. I hurried down to open it.

?Can?t you just knock?? I asked.

?You don?t know who you?re talking to.? a young man replied.

He was right about that. I had no idea.

?I am the prince.? he replied melodramatically. ?And you are under arrest.?

?Wha?how?why?? I sputtered, shocked. ?I haven?t done anything!?

?Oh yes you have. You see, a little while ago, I heard a young maiden calling from the tower. She had been trapped up there by an evil witch. And I, being the most amazing, heroic, caring prince that ever lived, had to rescue her. In fact, I have sent one of my knights to go in the back door and pick the tower lock. He should be returning with Rapunzel shortly.

?Oh, by the way,? he added smugly. ?She has the most beautiful hair. It?s such a pity a cruel witch like you had to come along and cut it.?

?I didn?t do anything!? I protested. ?That little brat spilled the soup I had been working for hours on! I made it just for her! And she ruined it! It?s not my fault she has long hair that she can trip on.?

The prince never listened. His knights took me away to the royal jail. And now, here I am in my cell, writing this story, hoping that someone, somewhere, will read it and feel at least a tiny bit of sympathy for me.

For Rapunzel, this story ends happily ever after. She probably got married to the prince, became queen, and all that jazz.

As for me, Marcia?Well, let?s just say that it won?t be long before I figure out a way to make my story end happily ever after.





Hopefully Not the End