Dear Diary,

Today I saw my dad, it's been around 2 months since I’ve had a real conversation with him. Overall it went well I suppose, as well as a daughter could know of a man she see’s once in a blue moon. We talked about common things, nothing really interesting. He asked me how school was and I answered him numbly then returned with a question asking how his fiancé is. I wish I could get used to the idea of having a stepmom, someone I barely know becoming part of my life abruptly and I don’t understand why it’s so much harder to accept her than my stepdad who has been in my life for a few years, but now with the addition of a new half-parent it's complicated. I feel like a stranger in my dad’s new home which happens to be 45 minutes away, then due to the problematic marriage between my mom and step-dad who’s relationship happens to resemble one of two high school teens, I’m just here. Left to be stuck in the middle. A high school sophomore who walks to school everyday, goes to practice, comes home to do homework, then sees her parent come home around 8pm who is only to retreat to her bed, then this cycle restarts everyday. Like a recurring dream, or should I say nightmare. One that I can’t wake up from, and right now I don’t think I’ll be able to. Family I talk to about this just keep saying “Stay strong, it’ll only be two more years” but what these people don’t understand is that this is my childhood, when I have kids and they say “How was gramma and poppa when you grew up?”  I’ll be with these memories. These memories where I’m stuck in the middle, without an option. Memories of late teary eyed nights which diary I don’t think I’ll be able to handle.

Love, Claire