On the sixth floor of the Yayforrum Hotel, Jack Sparrow walks into the elevator to see a blonde woman accompanied by a man with dark, curly hair hovering by the buttons and a balding man with a mustache standing in the center.
Jack reached across the man by the buttons and selects the ground floor to begin his getaway. The man grimaces as Jack flashed his rotting pirate-breath smile. The three men and the woman stand there in silence when the lights begin to flicker. The man by the buttons starts obsessively repeating, “lobby, lobby, lobby,” while pushing the ground floor button. He sees the maximum weight capacity sign and looks over at the woman, Jack, and the other man hoping they don’t exceed 1,000 pounds.
The man with the mustache notices his strange behavior and asks, “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“He’s just a little nervous. He doesn’t like elevators very much. Mr. Monk, stop it!” she says swatting his hands away from the buttons.
Just then, the elevator stops. Mr. Monk jabs the button harder. “Lobby, lobby, lobby.”
“The elevator’s going nowhere, mate. You may as well relax and take a swig of rum,” says Jack.
“What are you thinkin’?” says the man with the mustache. “While we’re stuck here, we may as well do something semi-productive. Let’s start by introducing ourselves. I’m Dr. Phil. I’m a therapist and I can help you all through this. Now, you,” he says, pointing at Jack.
“I am Captain Jack Sparrow,” he says as he takes another swig of rum.
“Drinking is not going to solve this problem. That’s cheating,” says Dr. Phil.
“Pirate.”
Dr. Phil lets out a sigh and turns his attention to the other man. “Can you tell us who you are?”
“Adrian. Lobby, lobby, lobby. Adrian Monk. Lobby. And this is my assistant, Natalie Teeger.”
“Nice to meet you both,” says Dr. Phil. He reaches out and shakes the three other’s hands.
“Wipe. Natalie, wipe,” Adrian says as Natalie reaches into her purse and pulls out a moist towelette which Adrian uses to wipe his hands.
Dr. Phil gives him a questioning look, “I’m not contagious or anything.”
“Oh, it’s not you, it’s him,” says Natalie, “He has a thing with germs.”
“Does he have a lot of phobias?” Dr. Phil asks.
Adrian started to say, “I have a list –“
“Never mind. Anyways, what are you two here for today?” Dr. Phil interrupts him.
Mr. Monk is a private detective consulting with the SFPD and working on a case,” says Natalie.
“Oh, really?” says Dr. Phil. “Now, that sounds interesting. What is the case?”
We’re investigating a series of mini-bar robberies in the hotel,” says Natalie.
As Natalie is explaining the case, Jack is getting nervous. He joins Adrian jabbing the button. He tries to pry the door open with his sword. When it doesn’t work, Jack takes out his compass to try to find a way out, but it merely pointed at the door. If that wasn’t suspicious enough, Jack let out a belch that reeked of rum.
“You haven’t been stealing those drinks, have you?” Dr. Phil asks Jack.
“Take what you can, give nothing back!” Jack says as he raises a bottle. “Drink up me hearties, yo ho!” he sings as he lobs his head back to drain its contents.
“Looks like that’s gonna be his last one for the day,” says Dr. Phil as they watch Jack fall farther and farther back. Thud. Jack was passed out with his empty bottle lying next to him.
“I think I just solved the case,” says Adrian.