Don't say Goodbye | Teen Ink

Don't say Goodbye

April 16, 2012
By invisiblemaiden BRONZE, Wichita Falls, Texas
invisiblemaiden BRONZE, Wichita Falls, Texas
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love is putting yourself in a place where the one you love can totally ruin you but trusting them not to.

In and out, In and out. The sound of a body trying to fill it’s burning lungs with air and then barely holding it a second before it was gasped back out with a shudder. Each raspy breath was hard fought for, and yet each one was shorter and shallower than the one before it.
Crackle, shatter, crack.
The sound of the glass shards as Daren frantically, fanatically pushed and threw them out of the way, the sharp edges of the glass splinters cutting through the black gloves on his hands. He pulled aside the wreckage in wild desperation to get to the gasping form beneath the rubble.
“Hold on!...I’ll get you out!…..Just stay still!…..Please hold on!…”He blathered desirously, his words slurring as his vision blurred.
I’ve got to get to her, she can’t hold on much longer. Daren thought. Got to get through this wreckage…..I’ve got to get through. I’ve got to…I’ve…got...…to.
He felt unexpected tears flowing from his eyes as the blood gushed down his face, arms and chest. If only he could get through to the trapped passenger, the person who meant the most in life to him.
Daren could feel himself getting weaker and now there was someone yelling at him through the haze and trying to pull him back but he wrestled his arms free and kept shoving aside the scraps of metal, glass, and plastic, because that sound….that gasping sound meant she was still alive and he had to get her out of there, that was all that mattered.
Slowing down slightly Daren closed his eyes for a moment to steady his failing vision and to center all his focus on gathering every last shred of energy he had left. But when Daren opened his eyes he didn’t see anything, just black, everything was as dark as if his eyes were still closed. He blindly reached out using the last of his strength, groping feeling to see if he could reach her and pull her out of the crumbled mess.
But Daren was being pulled away and didn’t have the strength to try to fight back; he struggled feebly in vain to get free. But the person who had him was strong and gripped his shoulders hard as he pulled him away. But then just as he was feeling the last of his energy leave him he was able to make out what the man was saying.
“There is nothing in there you can’t live without…..everything is going to be fine….you don’t have to look through the wreck….they’ll find your wallet or whatever you lost and they’ll give it back to you.” The deep voice of the strong man said.
They don’t know she’s still in there! They thought I was looking for something stupid like a wallet! They got to know she’s still in there , she needs help, she needs a doctor, they got to get her out of there. I got to save her. Somebody…..has to…. Sa…ve…..her. He thought dizzily as he fought back the fog of fatigue that blinded him.
“No!.....No!.....I’ve got to…..somebody has to… someone please….help her…….she’s…still in ……there……I’ve got ….to find….her……please……let me……..find …..Her.” He said as loud as he could. It took all the energy he had left to muster the mental power to form his thoughts into words and then there was actually getting those words out, it took all his attention to make his lips form words.
From somewhere deep inside the urgency he felt dredged up one last burst of strength and jerked away from the hands that were dragging him away from the scene of the accident, as he pulled away he fell forward onto his hands and knees. He couldn’t hear her breathing anymore, was it just because he was too far away or could his worst nightmare have come true?
Please still be alive……I’m coming……to….get you……out.
But he could hardly pull himself forward a few inches, it was all he could do to keep his face from hitting the concrete.
“This one is giving me trouble; I think he’s quite out of his head Doctor.” He heard the husky man say to the source of approaching footsteps.
“He must have suffered some sort of brain damage or trauma, poor chap…..oh well he’ll only be better for our mental experiments this way so there’s the bright side. Now bring him on to the van.” The other voice replied.
“He won’t come, He’s fighting like mad and keeps trying to get back to the bus.” The first voice replied again.
“My, my he really is quite cracked, well since we must bring him let me fix it.:” the doctor said.
A second later the Daren felt a searing pain swelling from his shoulder as a needle was crudely jammed into his skin and some sort of injection was infused into his blood, burning his veins.
He didn’t have the strength to fight at all or even move much anymore, but if he could he would have withered and writhed in pain, but the pain was soon replaced with a swirling vertigo whirlpool of oblivion. He knew the syringe must have held some kind of sedative and that he was pretty much doomed now but he had to try on last time to reach her.
He reached out a hand and tried to pull himself forward, but by then his muscles were paralyzed , whether from blood loss or the tranquilizer he didn’t know, but then again at the moment his mind was blank as the drug immobilized his mind as well and the darkness grew darker still if that were possible. It was a red black, a black tainted by blood. His last thought was one of regret.
I’m sorry…..I couldn’t help you……I’m sorry………
And the wrecked bus, the blood stained asphalt, and the strangers around him all faded as his quivering eyelids closed over his darkened sightless eyes.
I’m so sorry.

The author's comments:
this is just a piece that I would like to hear what you guys think of it. I am still very much a novice at writing and have been told I can be a little too prose-y. So please tell me what you think. this is meant to be sort of an adventure/horror/psychological thriller.
I am a 18 girl from Texas and for the most part I am a lone wolf so this piece might reflect me but hey who cares right? We are rebel writers are we not?

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This article has 4 comments.

on Apr. 24 2012 at 1:57 pm
JustPaperAndPencil BRONZE, Milford, Ohio
4 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.

This is Amazing! I love it! It was very sad, but amazing. you have talent!

on Apr. 23 2012 at 3:46 pm
SkylerMorningstar GOLD, Barrie, Other
13 articles 1 photo 47 comments
i love it :')

on Apr. 23 2012 at 3:17 pm
hippiechick99 GOLD, Mesquite, Texas
11 articles 0 photos 224 comments

Favorite Quote:
"... How dreary to be somebody-- How public like a frog;
To tell one's name; the livelong June-- To an admiring bog"
-Emily Dickinson

I really love this story!!! The ending made me cry and I love the vocabulary that you chose. In my opinion you should make this into a novel where Daren goes through the loss of the girl and so on... 5/5 definatley.


on Apr. 22 2012 at 2:04 am
Tennisboy BRONZE, Brentwood, California
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
I liked the story, it was fast paced and sad, but I think you could develope the main character a little more, maybe with a memory of him and her, or dreams he and she had together, something to deepen the characters personality.