I fight my way through the dense fog over the metallic navy blue of Lake Superior with Ryan Reynolds. “Aaagh, they’re here!” yells Ryan, the Tiger Sharks are catching up to us faster than anticipated, luckily I keep my rifle by my side, with Kalash’ in hand I battle the 8,002 genocidal maniacs until, breaking through the fog, Neuschwanstein Castle appears and General Patton, riding Smog the Dragon, says, “Iss eine Bratwurst, du dummkopf,” while handing me a chilled Mexican Coke and a McDonald’s Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Bagel. When we reach the shore Clive Cussler has one thing to say while wearing his size 18 all-black Under Armors, “God bless you.”