Dark Night | Teen Ink

Dark Night

May 17, 2013
By Mr.packerbear12 SILVER, Minnesota Lake, Minnesota
Mr.packerbear12 SILVER, Minnesota Lake, Minnesota
5 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Judge lest not you be judged"

"Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck out of your brother's"

"live each day as if it's your last"

"God doesn't give you what you can handle, He helps you handle what you are given"


It was that dark night long ago,
when all creatures where about--
all singing in a loud shout!
while the wind rocked the bow--
and tumbled like balls in bingo,
and among the people came a great fear of doubt,
but now it is time to say lights out.
just like that time in Mexico.

I begun to worry--
and tried to stay calm--
but it was to late to tell my mother sorry;
cause I was about to be embalmed.
the air was full of furry--
as I became a memory.


The author's comments:
I'm not a dark person by any means.

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This article has 26 comments.


on Feb. 6 2014 at 11:21 pm
Mr.packerbear12 SILVER, Minnesota Lake, Minnesota
5 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Judge lest not you be judged"

"Take the plank out of your own eye before the speck out of your brother's"

"live each day as if it's your last"

"God doesn't give you what you can handle, He helps you handle what you are given"

Thanks for the reply, and yes, that was bad on my part! I would've done something different, but at the time I had just started writing poetry and was having trouble coming up with another word to rhyme instead of that, but, poetry is always a wotk in progress:).

O.G.B said...
on Jan. 26 2014 at 5:26 pm
O.G.B, Phoenix, Arizona
0 articles 0 photos 66 comments
Interesting Poem. As authorgirl mentioned, the bingo balls kind of threw me off but nevertheless, the end of the poem captivated my attention again :)

on Jan. 14 2014 at 5:29 pm
directorchick419 GOLD, Cranberry Township, Pennsylvania
15 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd wanted to stay on that porch with him until the sun shone bright on both of us, but i didn't. I stood up and walked down the steps. I'd rather chase the sun than wait for it." from I am the Messanger by Markus Zusak.

I felt that the bingo comparison threw me off but by the last stanza I was very intrigued. Good job.

on Dec. 31 2013 at 4:20 pm
GreekGoddess BRONZE, Andover, Connecticut
3 articles 0 photos 182 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The unprepared rebel dies in the fire."
~unknown

Hmm, interesting. There were a couple spelling mistakes but that's fixed easily. You might want to captilize the first letter of each line so that the reader has an easier time to read it. There were a couple places where you put in something that makes the reader yearn to know more ("just like that time in Mexico", "but it was too late to tell my mother sorry") and that distracts the reader a little bit. I really liked the last verse, very good and creative! This was good, great job!

on Nov. 18 2013 at 3:49 pm
micshea99 PLATINUM, Matthews, North Carolina
47 articles 0 photos 72 comments
Wow! That is amazing!

on May. 22 2013 at 9:58 am
IndigoElisabeth SILVER, Woodbury, New Jersey
5 articles 1 photo 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 1:1

Great job! A few punctuation/spelling errors but overall, very creative sonnet!