Hey there! I like this, it really makes sense that you are planning to turn this into a song, that's a brilliant idea. I like the title, it's great. The rhythm in here is terrific! I think that it will really be special once it's extended and turned into a song. From what you have right now, this is going to be great, not that it isn't already, because right now it's spectacular. I like the story(s) in here, it/they are strong and powerful. It can be many different stories. You leave it open for the reader to relate to many different things. Good word choices. GREAT job.