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Alleviation
April 27, 2013
Felt around the rib cage,
Yes, there it was, the heartbeat;
I heaved a sigh
© Michelle B., West Covina, CA
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 11 comments.
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 17 2013 at 7:18 pm
I pictured a woman feeling around an unconcious mans chest searching for a heartbeat like one of those awesome tv dramas. Anyway, its good. I love the title and the end just conveys all the relief in the world. Brilliant as always Dua. Love, and keep rockin, Liv <3
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on May. 25 2013 at 4:41 am
..........................................................
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on May. 7 2013 at 12:32 pm
Thanks,,, that's how I wanted it for to be,... plus I worked real hard on thinking of the perfect title.. .. I'm so glad ya liked it :)))
AugustSummerFling PLATINUM said...
on May. 5 2013 at 11:29 pm
Lol I got the grammar jumbled in between, but I guess u get the point anyway. Great job on this!
AugustSummerFling PLATINUM said...
on May. 5 2013 at 11:28 pm
I really loved the weariness that this poem creates in the reader. Something like 'ya I know things are not going right but I'm going to try again anyway' and you perfectly conveyed the feel that you have been stepped on so many times, but you dutifully come back rising. The only thing you left to lose was your heartbeat. Simple but deep and haunting. Full of despair.
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on May. 2 2013 at 9:32 am
Well , good thing I didn't put chest instead of rib cage then and Thank You ever so much I'm always glad to see your feedback on my poetry... And the 'really' in bold just made my day and as for the title good thing I changed it at the last minute :DD I also love the way you interpreted this. :)
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on May. 2 2013 at 9:29 am
Hahaha Yep! Exactly! :)))))
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND said...
on May. 1 2013 at 5:13 pm
Oh, and the title's pretty!
EPluribusUnum DIAMOND said...
on May. 1 2013 at 5:13 pm
I really like this. It's a short little poem with character. I especially loved the first line, and the tired hope the poem carries with it. It's like the poem itself is exhausted but still standing, it's metaphorical rib cage expanding and contracting in the unending rythem of life. I don't know why I just wrote a metaphore about your poem, but anyways, I really like this poem :)
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments
Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. <br /> - Maya Angelou <br /> When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out<br /> The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay<br /> If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven<br /> And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel