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November 18, 2012
By perks123 GOLD, Scarsdale, New York
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perks123 GOLD, Scarsdale, New York
13 articles 3 photos 0 comments
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Floating through a warm
Comforter made out of wisps
Of sweet whipped cream. Peace

© Sarah W., Fremont, CA

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This article has 1 comment.

TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on Nov. 25 2012 at 12:02 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

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You've got a great metaphor in there. However, your form is wrong. Haikus have only 3 lines with the syllable pattern 5-7-5. I recommend instead of putting "peace" at the end of the poem, title the entire piece "peace". You did an amazing job otherwise! Keep up the good work!